70,000

No, it's not the number of days since I posted.  It's the mileage on my car right now.  I was able to watch it turn from 69,999 to 70,000 on my way to work this morning.  It was a thrill.  :)

Nothing much going on here; I think that's a good thing.  Currently at 25 weeks and baby has decided that if it presses its fist as hard as it can against the side of my belly for an extended period of time, that it will "break on through to the other side."  So far the baby isn't listening to me, so I may be giving birth to a teenager.  Here's some bullet points for your amusement:

-Last weekend, we went up to see JD's family and, true to form, my SIL could not keep herself from making some truly obnoxious and hateful statements.  As I told JD later, this is sad in two ways.  First, the family is close and I'd love to have a good relationship with SIL.  I'm settling for guarded but cordial, and the fact that I'm settling stinks.  Second, if it were any other person, I'd just have nothing to do with them, but because this is JD's sister, I can't just totally avoid her or think of her as having died in some freak napalming incident.  That stinks too.

-This week, JD and I visited our preferred choice for a daycare center and everything went well.  Something had to, eventually, right?  I mean, it's the law of averages.

-Today, the junk company is coming to take away some large pieces of furniture that were living in what will be the baby's room.  The company recycles or donates the vast majority of the stuff that they collect, so I felt good knowing that the usable things (as opposed to JD's desk made of sawdust which won't last a move of 2 inches) wouldn't just end up in a landfill.  I would've preferred to have Goodwill or a similar organization get the stuff directly, but the charities in my area won't pickup from an apartment.  I figure I'm paying for the convenience of getting it all out at one time.

-I also had a freak out this week while researching pediatricians.  Saw the schedule for recommended vaccinations and my eyes almost fell out of my head.  It really seems like a lot of shots.  I got The Vaccine Book from the library, so I'll be going through that to start some initial research.  I'm also going to schedule an info session with the pediatrician group near us that I've found.  I'm pro-vaccine, particularly considering that the baby will be in daycare, but I'm concerned about the multiple shots for multiple diseases in very short periods of time.  Opinions/suggestions welcome here.

-The other thing I've started working on this week is getting us and The Boy signed up for some training on introducing dog and baby.  I still need to make appointments for the 1-hour glucose test (hooray) and a fetal scan at 28 weeks to get an estimated weight.  This last scan was recommended by my doctor as measuring fundal height on me (and my upper and lower bellies) won't be at all accurate for judging the size of the baby.

I'm being swamped at work, so I'll end this here.  Hope y'all are doing well.

Still Alive

Thanks to all those who've been checking up on me.  Nothing much has changed around here -- still at my parents' (I seem to experience a backslide in health (not on purpose) every time I try to move back to my own home), still on the pump (back at my elevated level of meds after a disastrous experience trying to wean off last week prompted by my DA (dumb a**) insurance company), still crazy after all these years.

My days are pretty similar from one day to the next: eat oatmeal, drink water, read the paper, eat pears (diced or mashed; did you know pears have tons of fiber and can be used instead of prunes for relieving constipation?), check my work email, drink water, take The Boy and myself on a 30-minute walk, eat a handful of mini-pretzels, read book/magazine, drink more water, play online Sudoku/jigsaw puzzles, have JD make me a cuppa tea, nap, feel sick, realize I haven't eaten for 90 minutes and that's why I'm sick, eat a piece of raisin toast, drink more water, do another online puzzle while listening to a C-SPAN podcast, eat dinner with family, watch the Caps or 24, eat Jello, sleep.  Pooping is an event worthy of cheers and fistbumps.  This is sad.  I am hopeful that I will be able to do some short stints (a couple hours at a time) back at work next week.

Overall though, I'm doing much better now than I was a few weeks ago.  I'm at 14 weeks today and we're going to try weaning me off the pump again in about a week and a half.  I'm hopeful that that will go better than last week, but am pretty Zen about it.  If I have to stay on the pump, so be it.

Now Playing on WJEN: "Entering Bootytown" from the Music & Lyrics soundtrack.

First Day

Today is JD's first day of work at his new job. Thank G-D.

Since I got up early to help him get out of the house on time, I was able to accomplish a ton last night and this morning.

Last night I:
-Filled and ran the dishwasher
-Filled the tea pot for the morning
-Set out mugs, teabags and spoons
-Set out our clothes for the morning
-Charged JD's phone
-Set up my bags and bag of dry cleaning by the door

This morning I:
-Made the bed
-Made tea
-Emptied the dishwasher
-Put all the breakfast dishes, spoons, etc. in the dishwasher
-Brought in the dry cleaning
-Deposited checks at the bank and took out money
-Brought The Boy to day care

I wonder if I can keep this level of effectiveness up?

Holiday Weekend

The weekend was fine overall. Some of the highlights/notables follow:

-I'm not a huge fan of driving over bridges. I have this fear that I will go crazy and drive off the side of the bridge. Yes, I'm crazy. Anyways, based on where we went through the E-Z Pass lane, I had to drive on the one lane of the westbound bridge that was going eastbound. AAAHHH! I was pretty nervous, but doing OK with my breathing exercises and JD saying, "You're OK. You're OK. You're OK." Well, I was OK until my eyes started tearing up, I got sunscreen in my eyes and was blinded. I started screaming, "I can't see! I can't see!" JD grabbed the wheel and ripped off his shirt so that I could use it to wipe my eyes. Thank G-D he was there. I would've crashed into oncoming traffic or off the bridge otherwise.

-About 15 minutes after the bridge fiasco, The Boy goes crazy and starts running all over the car. JD and I are both "What the heck?!" The Boy jumps onto my lap and, as JD pulls him back over to his own lap, The Boy proceeds to poop on my left leg, the steering wheel, my right leg, the gear shift and JD's legs. Ew. Ewww. Ewwwww!!!! We were able to stop at a gas station a couple of miles down the road and clean up the car and ourselves.

-Dr. Chai was content to let me stay off the drugs while I felt that I was responding rationally and this weekend was really my test of that. Big FAIL. I was so filled with anxiety on Thursday that my mother said that she could actually see me shaking with stress. I felt like I was vibrating. After bursting into tears on Friday morning because my open suitcase had spilled out onto the floor (I thought it was closed when I moved it), I decided, along with the counsel of family and BFF, to get back on the drugs. The suitcase incident was followed by worry that BFF's boyfriend didn't like me because there weren't enough beds at the beach place and an incident with my mother because I felt that she liked everyone else better than me. It's not all in my head; what I mean is, there are actual examples I can point to, to show why I start thinking in a certain way, it's just that my head misinterprets and misjudges and just makes everything worse. My mother and I have talked about it and I feel better now. I am back on the drugs now and hoping for "normal" reactions soon.

-We had lots of wonderful things to eat all weekend. I read a lot. We got to see real fireworks! Not the lame-o ones that JD, wannabe pyro, sets off at inappropriately late hours, angering the neighbors, but a government-sponsored fireworks display! Yay!

-I don't feel like I was able to relax enough, but am hoping to do so soon.

Accomplishments

First, thank you so much for your comments and caring. Your notes truly get me through my days and I turn back to them again and again.

I got a lot accomplished last night and this morning so I thought I'd write it down, not to brag, just to remember that I can accomplish lots when I try.

Last night I:
-Created a new "intention" - telling the baby "You can go if you need to go. You don't have to stay because I want you to stay. You can go if you need to go. I'm letting you go. I love you." Concentrated on my intention several times during the evening and before bed.
-Cleared the table after dinner
-Took out trash and recycling
-Rinsed all dishes and loaded the dishwasher
-"Fluffed" the clean load of laundry sitting in the dryer
-Loaded a load of towels and the Pesach tablecloth (only 2 months after Pesach) in the washer)
-Folded and put away the equivalent of 4 loads of laundry
-Made the bed
-Put my shoes in the closet
-Laid out workout clothes and work clothes for this morning
-Took down old, ripped shower curtain and bad shower curtain rings and hung up new shower curtain with new rings
-Deadheaded flowers
-Put plastic footstool that had been holding giant pile of laundry in bedroom onto the balcony to live with its matching chair
-Walked The Boy
-Washed my face
-Flossed and brushed teeth
-Went to sleep at 10 PM

This Morning I:
-Got up after only two snooze cycles
-Concentrated on my intention
-Took myself on a half hour walk in the rain (I am HARD CORE!) and blissed out to my C-SPAN podcast on Lincoln's time as a president-elect (I am HARD CORE DORK!)
-Took a nice shower
-Got dressed for work
-Made tea for me and JD and put his tea (covered) on his nightstand so it's ready for him when he wakes up
-Made a healthy breakfast for me of Greek yogurt, blueberries, banana and walnuts
-Ate my breakfast and drank my tea while reading a book
-Cleared off table, rinsed dishes, loaded them in dishwasher and started the dishwasher
-Remembered to bring SIL's Kale and Salmon Quiche with me for lunch
-Took The Boy to doggie daycare
-Put on makeup
-Took my pills (Zoloft and prenatal vitamins)

Now I'm at work. I'm hoping to finish comments on the monthly financials and "attend" several conference calls. On one of the calls, my boss is trying to surpass the world record in how many times he uses the F word on one call. Will let you know how that goes.

The Good and the Not-so-Good

"We got good news and bad news. What do ya want first?"
"The bad news!"
"The only thing we got to eat is sh*t."
"What's the good news?"
"There's plenty of it."
--from a movie I can't remember, but I think is a Western with Kiefer Sutherland

Things That Are Not-so-Good
1. My meds stopped working and I'm in the middle of a depression, my anxiety level has skyrocketed and I feel like I'm about to blow apart into a million pieces.
2. The financial markets stopped working and the economy is in the middle of a depression, everyone's anxiety level has skyrocketed and we feel like the whole world is about to blow apart into a million pieces.
3. John Dear is not feeling well. Still. Now running for 2 years straight.
4. More people on my blogroll do have kids or pregnancy than do not and I feel left out.

Things That Are Good
1. I did not have a bagel on Friday. I am going to rock that weight loss and we will be able to do IVF and have a baby.
2. I'm spending time with BFF today.
3. I'm cooking for Rosh Hashanah all this weekend and I'm grateful to have this time to cook for my family and spend time with them and with G-D.
4. JD and I are going to a drive-in movie tonight!
5. My friends and family make me feel loved, wanted and needed.
6. The Boy is the best boy ever. Trust me, he is.

Ach, His Achin' Back

So, after a final diagnosis by Pet PT Dude and SIL that The Boy was suffering from a torn ligament (the equivalent of a torn ACL in humans), we scheduled The Boy for surgery this morning. The diagnosis was followed by a practice session of hydrotherapy (read doggie underwater treadmill. I hope to get pics soon). So, we woke up early to see The Boy off to surgery and a hospital stay. Wait a sec -- plot twist!

The Boy went in for surgery this morning, but did not have it as radiographs indicated no tear in the ligament and that The Boy was merely suffering from a bad back. Prescription was given for anti-inflammatories, a muscle relaxer and strict instructions that The Boy not be allowed to go up/down stairs, climb onto or down from furniture and should just generally take it easy. Hopefully, The Boy will be able to go back to daycare soon (he's able to just lay around there, so it shouldn't be a problem).

I will be investigating the virtues of dog crates vs. dog play pens tonight at Petco. Any recommendations/thoughts?

No Time for Work

So, John Dear and I had our big consultation with Urologist #2. At least this time, the doc did a physical exam. But, the answers turn out basically the same. Either, John Dear has a "normal" SA done at Giant Fertility Clinic, they do a biopsy (pushing us into IVF) or they zap him. Will have to discuss these answers with our RE. I guess we'll try to have an SA done at GFC, either there or bringing in from home, with hopes to freeze.

Uro2 also referred us to a neurologist to see if there are any spinal cord issues causing JD's problems.

I wish this were all simpler.


On The Boy front, The Boy is still in a lot of pain and SIL recommended that we bring him in this afternoon to get evaluated by the Pet Physical Therapist. Yeah, that job actually exists. So, PPT will tell us whether The Boy needs surgery or is just having normal arthritis. Either way, SIL would like The Boy to be on some muscle relaxants right now.

Need to Regroup

OK, well the vet has confirmed my thoughts that this is just another bout of The Boy's arthritis. We walked out of the office with orders for rest, doggie anti-inflammatories and rugs on our "hardwood" floors.

So, The Boy has spent another non-exciting day at my office, chilling, being petted and feeding off the awesome Friday treats of scrambled egg, bagel, and meatballs. (All at different times during the day).

In appreciation, The Boy just peed on the carpet in my office. What a bum.

Does Doggie Ben-Gay Exist? *UPDATED*

Because The Boy sure needs some. Poor boy, I think that the weather has really caused his arthritis to act up. When John Dear picked The Boy up from doggie daycare last night, they mentioned that he had been lying around all day and was kind of limping. At home, The Boy would only walk on three legs and just wanted to curl up and sit down. John Dear thoughtfully set up the heating pad on the floor and The Boy just nestled up on that.

We gave him half-a-baby aspirin yesterday and once this morning. When he got up this morning, he immediately wet himself, so it was a tough morning.

I took him to work with me in the hopes that we could get him into the vet, but the vet is out of the office today and won't be able to see my boy until tomorrow. I think it's also good that he's with me so that he can just have a mellow day without the excitement of daycare.

The Boy is not really eating or drinking, but was very perky when we got up to go for a walk, drank a ton of water after the walk and scarfed down the three little meatballs I got him from the sub shop. I think he also ate some pebbles (dog food) and some water that time. I think as long as he doesn't refuse to eat at all and keeps going to the bathroom, he should be fine.

**UPDATE: In response to some worries, just wanted to let y'all know that the dosage of baby aspirin was given with the advice and consent* of SIL, who is a veterinarian. We'll be seeing The Boy's regular vet (we started seeing him before JD and I met) tomorrow morning.**

*Sheesh, could I BE more of a lawyer?