Note: I wrote this a couple days ago, but forgot to hit "publish".  So here's what I was thinking about a couple days ago...

I'm still going back and forth between feeling okay-not-great-but-okay and sick, sick, sick.  For the most part, the Zofran is at least allowing me to eat, even if it's not getting me to feeling fine.  Thank G-D for Uncle Ben's 90-second rice pouches. Love 'em!

I'm now throwing up about every other day.  Quick gross tip: don't use a toilet for your vomiting needs.  Use a trash bag.  I've been able to avoid (knock on wood) blowing any blood vessels in my eyes this time around, and I credit it to avoiding the porcelain.

And now for something completely different...LM has officially started swim lessons at the local JCC.  This isn't so much as a swim lesson as a Let's All Get Used to Being in the Water By Singing Songs lesson, but I'll use "swim lesson" for short.  JD went in the water with LM (each child goes in with a parent), and I sat on the sideline with some very pregnant mamas.  I'm so glad JD was there because there is no way I would have been able to stomach all the bouncing in the water.

LM went in the pool a number of times this summer, so we both thought he'd do pretty well.  LM did fine, but got upset a couple times when he saw me and wanted to be with me.  I think that I will skip the lessons from now on, so that LM just stays with Daddy.  Out of sight, out of mind.

The Nanny Adventure

So, I'm still dealing with lots of nausea, but for the most part, the oral Zofran is allowing me to eat.  Since I was already on the pump by this time when I was pregnant with LM, it looks like -- NOT TEMPTING FATE HERE -- we may not enter hyperemesis-land this time around.

Still nausea stinks and I feel guilty that JD has to carry the huge burden of dealing with LM, The Boy, and running our household virtually by himself.  I'm trying to do as much as I can, but that, admittedly, is not all that much.  JD has really been wonderful and hasn't complained a bit.

Since we're all for embarking upon huge adventures simultaneously 'round these parts (see: week of our wedding, when we: bought a house, sold a house, moved, car broke down, SIL broke her foot and got married), we have decided that we're going to have a nanny.

Now, JD and I have been pretty happy with LM in full-time daycare.  We loved the daycare that he attended in Virginia (although the scheduling sometimes stunk), and like the center that LM currently attends in Maryland.  (I can't love it because it's the rebound daycare.  It's not that there's anything wrong with it).  Daycare is a choice* that has worked for our family (even though I occasionally struggle with mommy-guilt because I don't stay at home with LM).

JD and I had thrown around the idea of having a nanny rather than having two kids in full-time daycare, when we started cycling for #2.  Given my hyperemesis with my first pregnancy, we knew that this was something that needed to be taken care of sooner rather than later.  I had sort of been putting it off for whatever reason, when a family friend (who is a nanny) called to let me know that her current position was ending and that she was looking for a new position.  Talk about meant to be!

Though I do feel that we're making the right decision, I am concerned about this transition in LM's life.  He is used to "going to school" and being with his teachers and children and activity all day.  He is so amazing and personable and talkative and I don't want to do anything that would screw that up.  We've looked into LM attending his daycare on a part-time basis, but that is really prohibitively expensive.  What I am planning to do is enroll LM in a swim class and some other sort of Mommy & Me-type class so that he's exposed to other kids at least twice a week.  (Due to his late birthday, LM won't start preschool until next September).

Any advice or suggestions?

*I use the word "choice" in a looser sense, as both JD and I need to work outside the home for financial reasons, among others.

Undeleted!!

For whatever reason, Blogger deleted my blog for a few days, but it is now back up.  Yay!!

Now, go do this -- read Mel's instructions on how to back up your blog and do it now!  I didn't have anything saved and was trying to cope with the loss of everything I've written over the past five years.  Please do this.
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I am fine.  Very nauseated and on Zofran, but fine.

JD is fine.  Exhausted from having to take care of most things now, but fine.

LM is fine.  Still struggling with giving up the binky, but fine.

Back to our originally scheduled programming in a bit...

Batting Over 1000

I had my repeat beta (#3 overall) and we got a 1455!  Nurse says we're "off the charts wonderful" and no more blood tests needed.  Hooray!

Now, we just have to wait till our u/s.  Nurse pushed it off a bit (to the 30th) to up the odds that we'll see a heartbeat.  So, we'll just be on pins and needles till then.

It stinks to have to go in so often for the blood tests, but it really is nice to get that validation every other day that things are going well.

Nausea is increasing.  Blech.

JD just called.  LM is running a 100° fever at daycare right now.  JD is going to pick him up and we'll all meet up at the house.  I'm hoping this is just a tooth coming in or too much activity and not the beginnings of something yucky.

The Dog Ate My Posts and Other Excuses

Remember how I was totally going to be back on board with this whole posting thing?  Yeah, that happened.

I'm here for right now, and rather than set myself up for failure, I'm just going to say that I'm posting right now, and if I happen to post again, cool.

Here's the news:

A.)  I stopped going to Weight Watchers meetings and started to lose weight, thus proving that just paying for their program but not actually attending their meetings still has some beneficial affect on your health.  (Or it could be that I'm continuing to incorporate more exercise, better fats and a wider variety of fruits and vegetables into my daily life, but I prefer my first analysis).

B.)  We started back on the TTC bandwagon for #2.  Did back-to-back dIUIs over Memorial Day Weekend (yeah, we got to the beach Friday night and had to leave Saturday afternoon in order to be back home in time for Sunday's procedure).  BFN.

C.)  We decided to skip the next cycle so that we could have an actual vacation over July 4th.  It turns out that didn't really matter as I had my shortest cycle on record, and got AF while we were on vacation.

D.)  Did our 2nd round at the end of July.  Found out this past Thursday - BFP.  (I know, way to bury the lead, huh?)   First beta: 121.  For comparison purposes, LM's first beta was 57.1.  My repeat beta (yesterday, 96 hours between) was 573.  We're due for a third beta tomorrow and based on that, they'll decide when they want to do an ultrasound.

E.)  Yes, I'm feeling sick and dizzy.  Based on my pregnancy with LM, I've got 2 weeks before all hell breaks loose.  As I told Mel, it's a good thing I was able to retain my amateur status for the Olympics, because I'd like to medal in something, even if it's just nausea.

40 Weeks

Well, we're here.  No baby yet, but tons of excitement.

Early Saturday morning, I was having a lot of "contractions" that were very close together (1:30 apart for about an hour).  I knew it couldn't be the real thing because the contractions were unpleasant but not painful.  (After conferring today with my midwife and a friend who is a doula, it's likely that the contractions were my cervix effacing as opposed to dilating). 

What was worse than the contractions was the nausea.  It was back in full force.  It's been so long since I've had nausea (and it was also 3 AM), that I couldn't remember what to do and I am the Nausea Queen!  My body's response to any stimulus is nausea!  I was embarrassed for myself.  After finally realizing I needed to eat, I had a few small pretzels and made myself a cuppa tea.  The pretzels didn't help much, but once I started drinking the tea, my stomach seemed to settle down.

I've worried that the nausea would return for labor, and I guess I have confirmation now that it will.  I've spoken with both JD and our doula about this concern, stressing the need to make sure that I'm hydrating enough so that we can avoid the need for IV hydration.  We're also going to make sure to pack a few things that help me with nausea to bring in to the hospital.

So, that brings us to today.  At the midwives' office today, my blood pressure was pretty high for me (142/90).  I had my first cervical check -- one of the most painful things I've ever experienced.  I was 50% effaced and not dilated at all (maybe that's why the check was so painful).  Baby's heartrate was steady in the 150s.  A second bp check was still high, so I got sent to the hospital for a non-stress test and bloodwork.

I got hooked up to a fetal monitor and blood pressure cuff and the nurse had me lay down flat on my back on the gurney.  I wasn't able to sleep (there were so many alarm bells going off all over the place - not from me) but I was able to just lay down and rest.  They had me laying down for so long that my left hip started hurting (as it has done throughout the last couple months), so I managed to flip myself over to my side.  Apparently, my bp stayed high the whole time until I turned to my side, when it came down immediately into the normal range and stayed there.  Yeah, so I guess what they say about avoiding laying on your back when you're heavily pregnant is true and maybe the labor/delivery nurse should know that.  You know, just maybe.

My bloodwork and urine dip came back normal, so the midwife thought this was probably just pregnancy-induced hypertension.  I think it was life-induced hypertension, as they are currently replacing all of the sprinkler heads in our building, and they were supposed to come this morning and tomorrow* and you have to move everything 2 feet away from each sprinkler head so my house looks like a tornado went through it, and it's a sucky thing to go through when you're in full-on nesting mode.  There's been a couple of crying jags due to the stress and emotions and the drama of it all.  Of course, the contractors didn't even show up today.  I'm going to go down to the office tomorrow morning and see if our unit can be put on the priority list to get done because we can't clean up the place until after they are done and it's at least a 2-day process.

So, I get to do a 24-hour urine catch (hooray) and go back in to see the midwives on Thursday.

The hospital was packed today (Snowpacalypse babies in da house!) and triage was especially swamped.  Given the crowd, they are booking an induction date for me in case we need it.  I'm hoping we don't.

*The scheduling of the sprinkler work was not my idea.  The process started around Labor Day and they should have gotten to our unit by the end of September.  Unfortunately, there have been a lot of hiccups in the process and they've only gotten to us this week.

50/50

Dizziness and nausea started last night and continued all through most of the day today.  Blech.  I'll mention it to my OB when I see her tomorrow, but she had told me that it was possible that the nausea might come back, so I'm not sure there's much to do beyond taking some Zofran if I need to.  (Also, her office called me today to let me know that the copy of my files was ready for pickup.  Yay!)

On the good side though, I was able to start cooking for the High Holidays.  Yay me!  I mixed together two batches of MyMahtha's Honey Walnut Coin Cookies and put them in the freezer.  I'll defrost the dough and bake off the cookies next week.

A Change Is Gonna Come - We Think

I saw my doc on Monday for my 30-week (yikes!) appointment.  Everything looks good, and I even managed to lose 4 lbs.  The weight loss is likely due to a slight return of nausea over the past two-week period.  My doc had warned me previously that this could occur in women who've had hyperemesis and that I should take the Zofran pills on an as-needed basis.  Most of my nausea was eased by a cup of tea and longer naps; there was really only one day where I needed the Zofran to get me out of the cycle.

I also went over our preferences for the birth with my doc.  JD and I are both hoping to have as "natural" a birth as possible, i.e., one that is as unmedicated as possible.  Our doc was mostly willing to work within our preferences, but absolutely balked on the question of external electronic fetal monitoring (EFM).  Apparently, the policy of our hospital and of our doctor (who only works out of this one hospital) is to have the mother on continuous EFM from the time she walks in.  At our hospital, this means that mom cannot get out of bed while she's in labor.  (Other hospitals have the capability to do wireless EFM, so that moms can move around, change positions, and even take a bath while remaining monitored; it's just that our hospital does not have this capability).

In our research and through our Bradley Method classes, JD and I have learned techniques to cope with labor and almost all involve being able to move freely and change positions as needed to encourage an easier labor and easier delivery.  It seems like we're at a deal breaker with our doctor, which just stinks.  If our doc delivered at any other hospital in the area, we could go on the wireless EFM and that would be fine with me.  But we can't, so it's time to investigate other options, even at this late stage in the game.

I contacted a local midwifery practice that delivers at a hospital only 30 or so minutes from us.  The nurse was pretty sure that they'd be able to take me on; I just have to go through a phone consult with one of the midwives to make sure that I'm not high-risk for their practice (I'm not).

Once that's done, they'll want me to meet all of the midwives in the practice, and I need to make sure that I get my records transferred over at least 3 business days before they meet with me.  The nurse highly recommended that I call my doc's office to inquire about their policy for transferring my records and the doc's office manager said, "Well, you have to give us at least 30 days, although we usually get it done before that."  WHAT?!  3 days vs. 30 days.  After looking at my records though, the office manager said it shouldn't take really long to get them together, since I only started with the practice during this pregnancy.

Still, before they start copying the records, they need a letter from me releasing me from their care.  I'm not ready to do that yet, because I don't know if the midwives will take me on.

I also didn't want my doc to know that I was thinking about changing practices until after the decision was made and I could write a letter explaining that I loved her, but that the EFM issue was a deal breaker for me (maybe this would give her leverage with the hospital).  This stinks.

I think I may have to get a little lawyer-y with the office manager and tell her I want a copy of my medical records for my personal records.  It's called HIPPAA, dude, I'm pretty sure I'm allowed to get my files cause they're MY files.

Anybody have any other ideas or experience in dealing with this?

Fate, Don't Listen

Fate, don't listen to me, because I'm actively not tempting you right now.  The nausea has been improving.  So long as I eat something small every 1.5 - 2 hours, I seem to feel OK.  Bathroom issues also seem to be under control.  (Hey Fate!  I'm not tempting you or counting chickens or anything similar, so go somewhere else, OK?)

If things keep going like this, we're going to start weaning me off the pump this coming Monday.  We're going to wean really slowly, so I'm hoping that will minimize my body's need to feel vomitous 24/7.

Since things have been improving, I'm also trying to get back onto vitamins.  We're going with 2 Flintstones a day -- today I had Fred and Wilma.  Flintstones are especially appropriate in my case as, when I was growing up, I believed that the Flintstones were based on my parents (minus the talking prehistoric animals).

In cleaning the house progress, we removed two plastic shopping bags from the Room and went through them.  I designated what should be given away, trashed/shredded, or kept.  Those piles are currently in the living room.  This seems terribly inefficient.  We used to have two shopping bags full of stuff in a room -- now we have piles of stuff all over the living room.  I'm unclear as to when exactly we'll be removing these piles, so I'm thinking this ain't as good as it could be. 

Going to go put in a load of laundry, then we're going to get a new cooling pad for the laptop.  It's an exciting life, people!

The Weekly B*tch

15 weeks today - things are pretty much the same with the never-ending nausea.  I've been feeling really sick over the last 5 days, so my nurse threw the weaning plan out the window.  (Thank G-D).  The big difference here is that I have finally moved back to our place.  It was tough leaving Mom & Dad's, but it's nice to sleep in my own bed and watch HGTV 24/7.

Lemme vent: I'm getting a little concerned with peeved at resentful of (all of those) conpeevsentful of JD and his lack of job/not doing much around the house.  He has now been sleeping for most of the day.  When he's not sleeping, he's playing around on the computer.  To give him credit, he has been fetching stuff/food for me the past few days.  I'm just not thrilled with having to put up with his whiny, I don't feel good BS.  Given the history of the past few years, I feel like JD is not allowed to be sick for the rest of our lives.  I'm willing to be reasonable (ha ha) though and state that he is not allowed to be sick for at least the next year and a half.

I was able to bring up the issue of cleaning out the 2nd bedroom (what will be the baby's room).  Right now, that room is absolutely stuffed with clutter.  We're not really at Hoarders' level, but it wouldn't be a challenge to get there.  My mother came up with the following idea: JD and I set a deadline for ourselves to clean out all the stuff.  Once we hit the deadline, Goodwill comes in and gets everything that's left.  As expected, JD the Hoarder wasn't too thrilled with the idea that his stuff might be given away, but that's the point of the whole idea.  You get rid of your own crap, or it will be gotten rid of for you.  We haven't come to an agreement yet, but I feel good that there's been an opening salvo.

Why I Need Health Care Reform

This has nothing to do with the health reform bill that is going to be voted on in a few short hours. Instead, this has to do with the bureaucratic bastardos at my insurance company who are overruling my doctor's decision to put me on a subcutaneous pump with anti-nausea meds.  Their reasoning is that I'm trying to move (in my own words) from a handgun (Zofran) to a nuclear bomb (the pump). They want to see a longer demonstrated line of meds we've tried and that have failed.  The Zofran is keeping me from vomiting constantly, but does nothing to get rid of the constant nausea and dizziness.  Tried the Phenergan suppository (yuck) on Thursday night -- it made me feel sicker and I spent half the night in the bathroom. Let's cross that one off.

Now, I don't totally disagree with the insurance company's general reasoning.  It would be better to not go to the nuclear bomb if something smaller would work.  In my situation, however, I'm at such a dramatic lack of health, that we need to find the remedy that will be the most effective and work in the shortest amount of time.  Now is not the time for onesies-twosies.  I have missed two weeks of work, and have not left my bedroom, let alone my apartment in a week (that, to go to the doctor).

My doc, who I totally love, can't believe how difficult my insurance company is. She just keeps going over all the things we do have documented on my chart that speak towards getting the pump (weight loss, spilling ketones, threatening dehydration, can't keep any food down but toast, stopped all prenatal vitamins, stopped my happy pills (Zoloft) which leads to me crying while watching C-SPAN and a general lack of non-rational behavior, constant nausea, constant vertigo, etc.) Told my doc that they probably don't even care about the weight loss, because their thinking is probably well, she's so fat, that she's probably healthier now.  Just realized that I have now lost 15 lbs (unfortunately not documented medically) in 4 weeks. May bring this number up to the doc on Monday to add to the chart.

I've found that my apple juice/water has been helping to hydrate me.  I'm nowhere near hydrated, but am much better off than I was with the ginger ale.

My mom helped me to shower and wash my hair this past week.  G-D bless her.  Instead of standing up in the shower, I sat down, facing away from the faucet, and we used a handheld sprayer*, so I could tilt my head back rather than forward while washing my hair.  Feeling clean made me feel so much better.

*We bought and installed the handheld sprayer before JD's first foot surgery, since he wasn't able to get his foot wet for X weeks.  I forgot that we still had it because I don't use his shower normally.  For anyone having showering issues (for whatever reason) I highly recommend this, it was really cheap and we bought ours at Home Depot and installed it ourselves.  If we can do that, anyone can.

The House That Nausea Built

Please don't read if you are in a bad mental space, since this will mainly be bitching.  But, don't worry, I tell myself "eff off, you're pregnant, you arsehole" on a regular basis.

Have been laid up with the nausea since my last post, as in flat on my back, except for the retching, can't do anything, no, really, anything, except for listen to C-SPAN on the radio because I don't have a working TV in my bedroom, nausea.  Got in to see an OB earlier this week, who recommended we try a subcutaneous pump with anti-nausea meds as I'm spilling ketones and they are worried I'm becoming dehydrated.  Waiting for the insurance approval to come through.  Hope this comes through soon, because I haven't had my happy pills in quite a while and I started to cry while listening to President Obama speak about health care.  He's inspirational, he ain't that inspirational.  I need the happy pills.  Going to try grating them onto my toast.

If I never drink ginger ale again, it'll be too soon.  I'm currently subsisting on water mixed with apple juice, cinnamon toast (regular bread toasted with a little butter, cinnamon and sugar sprinkled on it) once a day and white rice once a day.  There are some other things to try in my fridge (popsicles, Jello, Kozy Shack (rice pudding)), but something smells in there (or at least, I smell something in there, no one else does, so when I open the fridge I feel sick and then don't eat anything).

Too dizzy to shower.  The last time I showered, JD had to hold me up and I vomited anyway.  I am gross.  Going to see if I can get my mom to wash my hair in the sink.

My day is divided amongst four main segments:

1.) Moaning/Vomiting/Writhing while listening to C-SPAN Radio (not because of the C-SPAN, just cause I need a soundtrack)
2.) Rereading all of Diana Gabaldon's Outlander series
3.) Thinking about what food I'd like to eat if I wasn't too nauseated and could actually eat something (hint: everything)
4.) Sleeping

Will now call doctor to see if they can encourage the insurance company to approve the dang pump.  Am concerned that the insurance company is just trying to wait out the first trimester, thinking that I'll stop being sick at week 12, so they've only got to stall another month.

Have not read blogs in many a moon, but I think about all of you and pray that you are doing OK.

I Turned 33 And Didn't Throw Up

Not graphic, but short discussion of nausea below; followed by talk of tickers

Most of last week and this were marked by Nausea: In Extremis; with Monday being the absolute worst.  Thankfully, I have not thrown up yet.  I'm concerned that if I do throw up that my body will learn of that option and that I'll just never stop.  Keeping fingers crossed that my body does not learn of the option.

I went to the acupuncturist yesterday and that helped immensely.  I was nausea-free the entire session and for about 40 minutes afterward.  My nausea has been pretty mild this morning, so that's wonderful.  I'm certainly going back for more (acupuncture, not nausea) next week.  I'm also going to start seeing the nutritionist again, because I'm finding it hard to include fruits & veggies (and I miss them).

It was my birthday yesterday and my family celebrated with me by going out to a nice dinner with elaborate dishes and sauces.  I celebrated with a plain, grilled chicken breast and buttered egg noodles.  It was wonderful.

I broke down and ordered Preggie Pop Drops, and, since I can't find any of my Sea Bands (acupressure wristbands for motion sickness), a new set of those.  Here's hoping.

Tickers
During this IF journey, I've often been jealous of others' pregnancy tickers and dreamed of the day when I could install my own on my blog.  Now is my chance to have my own ticker, but I've been too afraid of triggering some Evil Eye by posting such.  Instead, I've been going to the site every single day to watch the ticker progress.

Well, I'm going to take the plunge, but will have the ticker at the bottom of the blog so that I don't scare myself or others.  If you want to look, please do.  I'll be peeking through my fingers.

You Thought I Was Crazy Before?

I'm quite certain that my crazy has expanded exponentially the past few days, but I think I've succeeded at keeping it internalized, or at the very least, keeping the crazy worries to myself.

Feel free to skip this list of lists of current concerns (now in new and improved anal-retentive outline form!), but know that if you skip it, you're missing a lot of mocking and schadenfreude opportunities:

I.)  My House Is A Giant Mess and We're All Gonna Die
    A.)  My house is terribly, terribly cluttered.  Would it be easier to just move?  Forget selling the current house, just moving.
    B.)  We have a second bedroom that is going to be the baby's room, but currently serves as:
           1.)  JD's cave (which he doesn't spend time in since he got his laptop, but is, nonetheless, stuffed with all his crap, including the closet);
           2.)  Main storage area;
           3.)  Guestroom;
         which boils down to making me feel like moving is the better option.
    C.)  Where did all this crap come from?  Firebombing is starting to sound like a good idea.

II.)  I'm an IFer and Am Unable to Relax About Anything
       A.)  General concerns about every twitch and ache, wondering if they spell miscarriage or just gas.
       B.)  Worries that I'm gaining pounds by the second since the only thing that stops nausea is eating.  Saltines are working right now, but isn't that a lot of carbs?  Maybe too many carbs?  I haven't hurled yet, but I've been close a couple times.  The nausea is pretty constant, but most times I can will it to a dull roar.
       C.)  Need to exercise again, but can I really use the Wii Fit?  Will start walking again, damnit.
       D.)  Think that homebirth may be the right thing for me (right now, it all depends on my health and the baby's health), but am concerned about these issues:
              1.) Will I be too loud in our condo while laboring?  (Maybe we should move?)
              2.) Will the midwife be sympathetic to an IF couple and their concerns?
              3.)  Need to reread Nina Planck's Real Food for Mother & Baby, but am in the middle of another book and I should really finish that one first, but every time I'm reading the other book, I'm thinking of how I need to read the Planck book.
      E.)  What if I get so big that I can't wipe my own ass?
      F.)  What if I kill someone because they say/do something stupid?  What if that is JD?  My MIL?  My SIL?  Random passersby?
      G.)  Is there any way for me to lose weight so that I will look like a cute pregnant person with an actual baby bump, and not someone who's just fat and gotten fatter?

III.  Miscellaneous Worries
       A.)  My hair looks bad (need to get my highlights retouched, like NOW) and feels like straw.
       B.)  I don't feel that I look my best right now and I feel sad about that.
       C.)  JD refuses to get me anything on my Amazon wishlist for my birthday because he "doesn't like any of those ideas."  Hello?!  I'm the one who wants those things!  He's a bum.
       D.)  Passover is in a little over a month and I'm screwed.  House needs to get cleaned and need to get rid of four tons (ok, maybe just 4 lbs) of flour and yeast.  Will need to bake bread 24/7.  Must quit job in order to bake bread.
       E.)  Some guy was driving around the John Mayer concert last night with megaphones attached to his car, screaming about how John Mayer is a "bigoted racist."  Does anyone know what this is in reference to?

Other than that, I'm actually being pretty calm about all this.  :)
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Now Playing on WJEN:  "Birdhouse In Your Soul" by They Might Be Giants

Keyser Snowsze

The title was my favorite name in the running for the current snowstorms.  I think it was beaten out by Snowpacolypse or Snowmageddon, but I like the goth feel of Keyser Snowsze.
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I'm in my office today for the first time since last Wednesday.  It was really nice to have a break, but I had to get out of the house to get away from JD (who is still home from work).

We got a little over 29 inches by us, which I (90% me, 10% JD) shoveled off of my car and parking spot pretty quickly.  I went out for about 30 minutes on Saturday and then did another 45 minutes on Sunday and I was done!  I was motivated for bagels and also because BFF's dog had surgery last Thursday and was not doing well.  (She is since doing better - major thanks to SIL who thought to have us give the dog some Pepcid!).

JD did 5 minutes of shovelling on his own car (he wouldn't let me do anything).  So far, you can see the back of his car, but cannot get into the car.  (Apparently, bagels are not motivating factor for JD).  This car, currently encased in 29" of snow, is about to get another 20" thrown at it.  We may see JD's car moving again around April.
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This 2ww really hasn't been all that bad, basically because I think it's not gonna work.  Right now, I'm just going through the motions of the wait and waiting for my period/negative beta so we can get to another cycle and then hopefully, one that will work.

I am really dizzy right now.  The reason for this is:

A) I'm pregnant. (Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.  Excuse me while I die laughing)
B) My body is fucking with me.
C) Differentials in air pressure in my office.
D) Not enough caffeine in the hot chocolate this morning.
E) Any of or a combination thereof of B, C and/or D, but certainly not A.
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My unfulfilled due date is coming up soon - Saturday, to be exact.  I've been feeling pretty down about it, but I'm trying to hide it from JD.  If I remind him of it, he'll go all Sarah Bernhardt on me and I just can't deal with his DRAMA right now.

BFF and I came up with a plan to light candles for Shabbat on Friday night and to use that ritual internally as a memorial.
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Since I worked on MLK Day, I get to take off for President's Day.  Getting inspiration from Mel, JD and I will be spending the 3-day weekend in Hershey, PA (assuming Keyser Snowsze doesn't blow it for us).  I will hopefully be getting a chocolate massage, going to a chocolate brunch and will definitely be going to a hockey game on Valentine's Day.  Yay, chocolate!

Slog Going

Add cons.tip.ati.on to the list of symptoms at 11-12 dpiui (days past the IUI). Ugh. Was laid up last night on the couch with cramps from it, even though I ate an apple and spent all of Glee and Top Chef sipping water.

I'm meeting my mom today for lunch, and we usually go to this restaurant with fabulous veggie burgers. Seriously, they are the best veggie burgers EVER! I'm hoping that the beans in them will help. I'm also counting on the french fries for awesomeness.

Been following the basic routine today of being nauseated except when I'm eating. To paraphrase Sam the Blue Eagle, I'm a weirdo.
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Here's where I've commented today:

Three Is a Magic Number (on Top Chef and organic gardening)
The Privileged Infertile (on her recent weight loss. Go Alison!)
The Pioneer Woman (on some awesome Pac Man jewelry)
I Never Thought It Made Sense Anyway (on the fact that she is a strong, awesome woman)
Banking On It (on side effects from Pr.ome.triu.m)

I returned a comment to:
The Desire of My Heart (on depression and MF results)
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Edited to add: the title of this post should be "Slow Going," but apparently, I can't type. Is that another symptom?

Disc 27!!

Warning: This post is going to be all over the place.

Coming down the home stretch for the end of this two week wait. My beta is scheduled for Monday morning. I've been feeling increasingly dizzy over the past three days and the amount of nausea that I have has also increased. There's also intermittent breast tenderness in there too (though definitely not as much before I miscarried).

I went to acupuncture and yoga yesterday. I think the acupuncture helped the dizziness. We were doing guided imagery in yoga though, and at one point, my teacher started talking about the ocean and a lotus blossom floating in the waves. Nausea City, people. Of course, then, for absolutely no reason, I started thinking about fried chicken and the nausea subsided. Darn, now I want fried chicken!
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This post's title refers to the fact that after a long, hard slog, I have finally made it to the last disc in my audiobook on the Korean War, The Coldest Winter by David Halberstam. DISC 27, baby!

I am a history buff, but generally concentrate on much earlier periods in Europe -- pretty much anywhere from the Middle Ages through the late 19th century. In my high school history class, we never got past the early stages of World War II, so I've always felt lacking in knowledge of the 1950s - 1970s.

David Halberstam's The Coldest Winter came highly recommended as a good study of the reasons for and actions during The Korean War. I genuinely enjoyed the book, but don't think it translates very well as an audiobook. Halberstam makes frequent digressions to talk about the personal histories of the main figures and this makes the reader lose place and confuse context.

I would like to give huge marks to the narrator, Scott Brick, who has a great, clear voice and speaks with just the right amount of feeling.
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So far, so good. John Dear is doing good at his new job. He's been getting up and out the door early to get to work on time, and he's determined to pull his fair share of the household responsibilities.

There are a few kinks that we need to work out, but I think that everything is going well (knock on wood).
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Today marks the start of IComLeaveWe for October. This comes at the perfect time to distract myself from the 2ww.

Here's where I've commented today:

One Day Two Day (it was her birthday! three weeks ago. whoops.)
Kitchen Stewardship (in response to an anti-abortion post)
Ship Full of Pirates (on her lemon curd recipe)
Not the Jet Set (on her baking mix recipe)
Simply Sugar & Gluten-Free (on her pumpkin dog biscuits recipe)

I returned a comment from:
Who Shot My Stork? (on the one day I happened to be productive)

PWHM - Part 2

Thank you for all of your good wishes for John Dear and myself. We really appreciate all your good thoughts. :)

It's time for part 2 in our four hundred fifty seven thousand part series...

People Who Hate Me

The people hating me today are the makers of Pr.om.etri.um. I just started it this morning and am already feeling incredibly dizzy and nauseated.* Blech. My mind keeps going to the group vomit scene in The Office. I could've totally nailed that scene. Heh.

In other news, we saw our RE today who told me that a) we do have a plan in case this cycle is negative (4 more OPK-predicted dIUIs) and b) I can get a flu shot. So, I'll be doing that on Wednesday and hopefully not puking.

I woke up at 6 AM so that I could get my walking in before work. It was freezing. I did not know this before going out, so wasn't wearing a jacket. It became fall in like a day and a half here. I am an iceberg; I am awesome.

*Just for my own notes: I had regular nausea early this morning upon waking. Heartburn around 10 AM. Major nausea throughout lunchtime. Dizziness starting after lunch and continuing this afternoon.

Cow Time

I resemble a large cow (more than I usually do) because I'm chewing gum to ease the heartburn. Not sure why this works, but it does and I'm sticking with it.

I'm feeling very, very fat. Found out my weight on Tuesday night after a long time of not knowing (we don't have a scale at home). It's high. Not the highest it's ever been, but it'd be nice if it were lower. Must start walking regime.

Nausea is basically mild, nothing I don't experience on a regular daily basis anyways.

Dizziness is still there. This merry-go-round is so low budget. There aren't even those lame horses that don't go up and down.

Other symptoms are ongoing, but nothing funny or notable to report on them.

Test 1 - BFN

I had a strong feeling not to test this morning, and just should have listened to my instincts. But I thought that first-morning pee was the strongest so I just went ahead and tested.

It could just be early days; it could be the dollar-store tests that expired last month; it could be a lot of things.

I'm going to ask for monitoring and prometrium next cycle. Should have been more insistent this cycle.

Still nauseated, still all of the symptoms I listed on Friday, still no period.

I dreamed of how I would tell JD and put that plan into action. I tempted fate. Fate's a b*tch.

We have so many things not going for us in our life; can't we just have this? Can't I just have this?

Is this G-D telling me to leave JD? Pretty much everyone else has. Why not G-D?

I can't do anything to hurt myself until I take a shower and eat some breakfast. By then, I'll be too depressed to hurt myself.

I hate this.