Not just the situation in my brain, but a game hosted by Calliope:
SCATTERGORIES - it’s harder than it looks! Play here or let Callie know if you play on your blog. (note to those new to the game: these don’t have to be actual truths. If it helps- replace the word “you” in the questions & substitute it with “someone”.) Play on & use your imagination! Use the first letter of the answer to the first question to come up with answers for the rest.
1 )What is the name of your favorite Holiday themed song? O Holy Night
2) Something on your wish list. Oil or Candle-burning Menorah
3) Something you plan on baking. Old-Time Cookie Bars
4) Something you plan on giving. One major ass-whupping to SIL for her IF insensitivity
5) Something you plan on avoiding eating. Onions, Bloomin', that is
6) Something you plan on adding to the chorus of ‘12 Days of Christmas’. One Hundred Mothers-in-law nagging
7) Something you plan on returning/ re-gifting. Open-toed shoes (don't fit)
8 ) Something you wish was stuffed into your stocking (heh). Oprah's favorite things
9) Some place you wish you could travel to this month. Oslo
10) Something you will decorate with. One menorah
Could someone explain the following to me, because I can't wrap my head around this:
ART = multiple births + gestational diabetes + medicated labor + c-section + no breastfeeding + 2 full-time nannies + mother never holds her children + other events in the Parade of Horribles
This was the equation that SIL was trying to tell me last night. That this is what she is worried about for John Dear and me using fertility treatments to get pregnant. I'm pretty sure my brain exploded in confusion.
I was able to calmly but assertively tell her that just because we can't get pregnant on our own does not mean that all our previously-held, quasi-crunchy beliefs go out the window. I'm not angry at her, just sad and disappointed.
I was also able to explain to her that "just adopting" isn't all that easy, and that the method that John Dear and I use to build our family was our own business. I told SIL that our chances of getting pregnant naturally were at 1-2% EVER, and that it wasn't a question of just trying for six months (which is all it took for SIL to get pregnant with each of her kids).
I'm hoping that SIL will now understand a little bit better just how much John Dear and I want to build our family and that however we go about doing it is the way that it is going to happen. I was able to stay calm in person, but this was the soundtrack in my head: "eff you, eff you, eff you, eff you, and EFF YOU!" As the wise t-shirt says, "Lucky me. Infertility and your stupid comments."
Another post of bullets brought to you by the makers of Too Much Work, coming to an office near me.
-Been doing the back & forth "Am I Pregnant?" disco re-mix for the last week. The answer is complicated by the fact that my cycle since time began was 35 days, but had been 28 days for the last 4 months. A test on Saturday (3 days late on 28 day cycle) and one last night (5 days late on 28 day cycle) say NO. A 35-day cycle means today's the day. Yet, no sign of the Aunt, and lots of possible symptoms. I think that my body is just effing with me at this point.
-Last Wednesday, John Dear and I drove down to Johns Hopkins to meet with their male infertility specialist. Very nice and funny guy, he will henceforth be known as Dr. WAKS (as in Doctor Who Actually Knows Something). Ooh, that's funny in several ways! (Will explain upon request).
Dr. WAKS nixed JD's suggestion of electro-ejaculation for several reasons. One, it does not guarantee an ejaculation (though if there is one, you will be able to collect enough for IVF). Two, it requires general anesthesia and is not at all a sexual release b/c they are effing electrocuting you! (Thank you, Dr. WAKS for attempting to explain this to JD who still doesn't get this). Three, Dr. WAKS, male infertility specialist at a major research institution, hasn't done the procedure since about 1987. Four, Dr. WAKS doesn't even know if Hopkins still has the equipment to do the procedure.
Dr. WAKS also recommended against the traditional testicular biopsy, which in JD's case (YMMV), would require an epidural and a pretty lengthy recovery time. While a biopsy would allow a larger collection of sperm, inseminations after the first round would require the use of frozen, not fresh, sperm.
Instead, the good doctor recommends the much-easier percutaneous aspiration. This is one needle going in, taking out some sperm and we're done. The procedure only requires local anesthetic and the pain and recovery, we're told, are the equivalent of a blood draw. The procedure can be done at the doctor's office, and can be timed so that there's a fresh sample for any cycle.
-AF came late last night, CD 35. Pretty much expected it, so no real emotional issues going on. We'll be focusing on my losing the rest of the weight needed to get to BMI 40. Check out my tickers at the bottom! Almost halfway there!
-Have a wonderful Thanksgiving everybody!
Now that John Dear has started work again, I've taken on the task of grocery shopping once more. I'm going to try incorporating the Crock Pot more, so that neither one of us has to start dinner from scratch after a long day of work.
Here's the plan:
Monday - Store-bought rotisserie chicken and veggies
Tuesday - Weight Watchers Slow Cooker Veal Stew with Onions and Mushrooms
Wednesday - BBQ chicken and veggies
Thursday - Soup & Salad
Friday - Crock Pot Roast Chicken and veggies
Saturday - Brunch: Apricot Kugel; Dinner: Out with in-laws (provided they are free)
Sunday - Chinese takeout
I'm also going to try and get back on the exercise bandwagon. JD and I worked out twice last week, so I'm hoping for at least 3 times this week.
The following is just me venting and doing a brain dump, so please take it with a grain of salt.
______________________________
BAD THINGS
I hate everyone and everything. Eff all y'all, you g-dd-mn shiny, happy people.
I'm cold, my feet are freezing. I feel like I'm taking the Bar again. It was so cold in that arena, you could see your breath. In July, people!!!
I'm supposed to take this new pill in the morning and in the afternoon, and I'm just not managing it. I'm a total f-ck up. Plus, I'm getting better without it (HA), so I'd like to stop it.
My back hurts, my shoulders hurt, my neck hurts. Depression hurts, I'm not on Cymbalta, so it ain't helping me.
My nails are short and I can't find the time to polish them.
I came up with a great idea for homemade holiday gifts and it's not as easy as I wanted it to be and I think it's going to take a lot longer than I thought to do them all and I'm worried about it. But if it works it will be awesome and it's a good gift and even though I'm spending money to make it, it's still a LOT less than I previously spent and the savings will go to the Debt Snowball. (Not that we're in a bunch of debt, just that I'm going to add it to the next car payment).
I need to take a shower desperately. My hair hurts and itches because it's dirty. I am disgusting.
John Dear returned my audiobook to the library because it was 3 days late and earning fines. I wasn't able to renew it because someone had the book on hold. Except I was on disc 32 of 36 discs. I don't know when I'll be able to get the book back and I was loving it. Darn it.
JD started work yesterday (yay!) and I'm concerned that there will be a reversion back to me doing everything. I expressed that concern yesterday and he said that he will do his best to continue the partnership we've had going the last couple of months. I'm waiting. I'm not even guardedly or cautiously optimistic -- I'm just waiting.
I don't know why bad things happen to good people, why the caged bird sings or why birds suddenly appear every time you are near.
GOOD THINGS
I am now addicted (again) to Jon and Kate + 8. I love the current commercial that TLC is running with the Jon and Kate smiling at each other in the field. I am a tremendous dork.
Top Chef has started again. Yay! I will be watching the premiere tonight over TiVo.
JD and I exercised last night for 40 minutes. We rocked it hard-core.
I had a three-bean salad with couscous (on the nutritionist's plan) for lunch yesterday and it was legen - wait for it - dary!!! I must figure out how to duplicate this salad (from Jason's Deli). I know that it has: kidney beans, edamame, garbanzo beans, minced red onion, diced red and yellow bell pepper and cilantro. Don't know what the dressing is. If you know, please tell me! I could eat this every day.
We're having a surprise birthday party for my dad (he's turning 65) and making a video documentary about him and he has no idea!! I'm so excited!
BOTH GOOD AND BAD
I've got the Sanford & Son theme song in my head and can't get it out. It's catchy.
