Can You Handle the Truth?

So, here's the truth among the lies:
1. My alias is a play on words of my maiden name. Nope, it's a play on my college, created in a fit of school spirit after I graduated.

2. I was so bloodthirsty in watching John Dear play God of War that I actually scared him. All too true, I believe at one point I asked, "why aren't they raping the women?"

3. My cell phone number is one digit off from a federally-indicted drug trafficker and I get lots of late night phone calls from his "clients". Not true (so far as I know), but the jury is still out.

4. I secretly think that Virginia is better than Maryland. Never, never, never. I'm a Marylander forever.

5. I knew where the name Gatorade came from before the commercials. True! I also know where the phrase "hocus pocus" comes from. (Email me if you want the details).

6. My mother and I are no longer allowed to play Scrabble together because we scream at each other so much that a neighbor once called the cops on us. Sorry, no. We do, however, voluntarily refrain from playing this fight-inciting game because my mother is a cheater.

7. I am a nationally-ranked player of Trivial Pursuit and was once requested to audition for Jeopardy. Come on, people. National rankings for Trivial Pursuit? I will, however, take on any and all comers.

8. I taught a class to my company's employees on the required paperwork for reporting suspected terrorist cells in our apartments. Nope, the class was on reporting sex offenders and avoiding bedbugs.