I went in for my beta this morning...
The title was my favorite name in the running for the current snowstorms. I think it was beaten out by Snowpacolypse or Snowmageddon, but I like the goth feel of Keyser Snowsze.
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I'm in my office today for the first time since last Wednesday. It was really nice to have a break, but I had to get out of the house to get away from JD (who is still home from work).
We got a little over 29 inches by us, which I (90% me, 10% JD) shoveled off of my car and parking spot pretty quickly. I went out for about 30 minutes on Saturday and then did another 45 minutes on Sunday and I was done! I was motivated for bagels and also because BFF's dog had surgery last Thursday and was not doing well. (She is since doing better - major thanks to SIL who thought to have us give the dog some Pepcid!).
JD did 5 minutes of shovelling on his own car (he wouldn't let me do anything). So far, you can see the back of his car, but cannot get into the car. (Apparently, bagels are not motivating factor for JD). This car, currently encased in 29" of snow, is about to get another 20" thrown at it. We may see JD's car moving again around April.
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This 2ww really hasn't been all that bad, basically because I think it's not gonna work. Right now, I'm just going through the motions of the wait and waiting for my period/negative beta so we can get to another cycle and then hopefully, one that will work.
I am really dizzy right now. The reason for this is:
A) I'm pregnant. (Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Excuse me while I die laughing)
B) My body is fucking with me.
C) Differentials in air pressure in my office.
D) Not enough caffeine in the hot chocolate this morning.
E) Any of or a combination thereof of B, C and/or D, but certainly not A.
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My unfulfilled due date is coming up soon - Saturday, to be exact. I've been feeling pretty down about it, but I'm trying to hide it from JD. If I remind him of it, he'll go all Sarah Bernhardt on me and I just can't deal with his DRAMA right now.
BFF and I came up with a plan to light candles for Shabbat on Friday night and to use that ritual internally as a memorial.
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Since I worked on MLK Day, I get to take off for President's Day. Getting inspiration from Mel, JD and I will be spending the 3-day weekend in Hershey, PA (assuming Keyser Snowsze doesn't blow it for us). I will hopefully be getting a chocolate massage, going to a chocolate brunch and will definitely be going to a hockey game on Valentine's Day. Yay, chocolate!
A bunch of items, none of them long enough for a single post...
-There's a rainbow on my living room ceiling. The rainbow is cast from a glass sculpture that JD and I purchased on our honeymoon. I know that rainbows are just scientific phenomena, but they always give me hope. I wish that this rainbow would be a sign for me.
-JD started a new job last week. The commute is much better and we hope it will be a good fit for him. JD's biggest complaint is that he has to wear a tie most days. As a programmer, he usually was not expected to be dressed so formally. I think he looks sexy, told him so, and he replied, "You think dumb looks sexy." When I related this to BFF, she said that I should have told him, "Yes, well that's why I'm married to you." :)
-This weekend, BFF and I went on a girls' weekend with my sister and her best friend, my mother and my grandmother. We drove out to the beach and had a great weekend despite the snow. We laughed ourselves silly.
-While driving out to the beach on Friday night, I received a call from my Fairy Godmother's daughter. My Fairy Godmother passed on Thursday. Mary's death was as I would have wished it -- peaceful and surrounded by her children and the love that we all have for her. There are times when I feel her presence. She must be looking over my shoulder and watching.
-I'm going in for the first procedure of Cycle Six now. New motto: "Cycle Six: It's More Than Five, But At Least It's an Even Number!" I'm usually pretty good about maintaining zen for the first week. It's in the second week of the wait that the Hope-o-Meter goes all over the place.
-I'm looking for a good shampoo and conditioner. I have really thick, coarse hair that paradoxically is oily yet feels like straw. Any suggestions?
Yesterday, JD and I met with the RE for our Quo Vadis meeting, aka "What's Next, Doc?" My feelings on are all over the place. I feel sad that we're even in this position (i.e., infertility in general and, specifically, about to embark on dIUI #6). I feel angry that it's taking so long. I feel positive that my doc is responding to us and our concerns. I feel frustrated with my inability to stay away from gluten. I feel embarassed that I have such a struggle with taking my meds. I feel happy that I have rocked my Wii Fit Plus every day since we set it up (see my other blog for more details).
I told the doc that, given our record (5 dIUIs (3 with Prometrium), 1 miscarriage, 0 take home babies) my hope level for this upcoming IUI is pretty low. My unfulfilled due date is coming up in mid-February and I'm feeling increasingly anxious about it. I'm ready to move to the next level.
From a completely biased position, it seems like my doc would like me to do unmedicated dIUIs from here to kingdom come. (Those were probably not his exact words). Really, he thinks that we should keep doing what we're doing for a little while more, but he was aware that we were not going to want to hear that. My response was to semi-joke, "No, I want to hear what you would do, then I want to ignore that and do what I want to do."
His proposal was to do two more unmedicated cycles after #6 and then add meds, probably Clomid. The idea of the meds would be to get my body to release more than one egg at ovulation, providing more targets for the sperm, thus increasing the odds of getting at least one baby out of this. Of course, increasing the number of eggs also increases the chance of multiples, which JD wanted to discuss back, forth and sideways, but my feeling is that we should wait to cross that bridge if and when we get to it.
My compromise was to do #6 and #7 unmedicated, then maybe go for medicated cycles or another unmedicated round, depending on my thoughts then.
I'll start the OPKs tomorrow for Cycle #6. Our power song for this cycle: "You're Gonna Go Far Kid" by The Offspring (off my CAPS playlist). Our inspirational song for this cycle: "Defying Gravity" from Wicked, as adapted by Glee.
