I'm Not Discounting Ebola Yet

Finally back from all the High Holiday hoopla and the Bataan Death March that was our tour of the hospital where (knock on wood) we'll be delivering  [the maternity ward is a very short walk, but they made us hike over to the hospital wing 4,000 miles away where they'll be storing overflow post-partum cases.  They are anticipating an overflow due to all the babies who are about to be born because Keyzer Snowze happened 9 months ago, and apparently people who have sex during blizzards get babies.  (Silly rabbit, that's what cures IF)].

I had my second appointment yesterday with my new practice of midwives and it went really well.  Blood pressure is good; weight is good; baby is head down and is measuring right on time.  I'm spilling a little glucose, but the nurse thinks that's more attributable to the Starbucks Hot Chocolate I had yesterday morning, then anything to really worry about.

I also got a flu shot.  About three hours later, my throat started hurting and I started feeling really congested.  I've never had this kind of reaction to the flu shot before, so I'm thinking it's just the coincidental onset of a cold.  Or Ebola.  Cause you never know.  Now I have to hunt down whoever gave me this cold/Ebola  and kill them, since that's a proportional response.  (I just heard one of the admins coughing, so he and my MIL (who's had a cold since Rosh Hashanah) are now the prime suspects).

Speaking of the lack of proportional responses, my MIL and SIL seem bound and determined to keep me in the middle of their never-ending battle, with each complaining about the other to me.  I think they are both acting like immature hotheads, and I mean that in the most diplomatic way possible.  I do think that each of them would benefit from actually learning the lesson that it's possible to convey the same message in many different ways, some more offensive than others.  Given what I think is the generalized lack of understanding of conversational and social cues from undiagnosed and untreated Asperger's going on here, it's unlikely that either will learn this lesson, and that both people will invariably select the most offensive statement to use on any given occasion.

In other news, as I discussed with Calliope, LJ and Mel the other day, I'm now having nightmares related to my worries about SIL and her crazy intolerant very strong opinions on everything hand washing and the fact that her immediate family does not use any antibacterial products (which I'm OK with) and does not wash their hands with soap (which I'm not OK with).  One of the bloggers on Who Wants to Know recently did a post on these signs that you hang on a stroller or car seat to discourage random people with unwashed hands from touching the baby.  A little extreme?  Perhaps.  Would SIL respect the sign or my requests?  Given her previous behavior, that's a bit doubtful.  Suggestions for how to handle this would be appreciated.

27 Weeks

Just wanted to update on some stuff, so this post will be all over the place.

So, last week I thought I was having preterm labor, but it turns out that I was just on the toilet for so long that my digestive system started cramping.  I'm figuring (from the soreness) that I did the equivalent of 13 million situps, so you know, it's all good.

My mom and BFF have been helping me declutter my house most weekends and we've really been accomplishing a lot.  No before pictures, just imagine Theo Huxtable's room when he was in junior high.  I now have access to a sliding glass door that had been blocked with stuff, and we can now see carpet in the bedrooms!  We threw out a ton of stuff and were able to donate many huge bags of clothing and household items to Goodwill.  Mom and BFF each deserve gold stars!

Work has been really stressful lately, as I try to complete Mission Impossible.  Today I just completely broke down in tears and it was hard for me to calm down.  I think that I have been trying to do too much all by myself, and I really needed to ask for help earlier.  I now have some more help on the project and my boss was able to relax on the deadline when he realized just how much work this mission comprises.

I gained 6 pounds from Month 5 to Month 6, and my doc really wanted me to make sure that I not gain as much in subsequent months.  I've been trying to be really conscious of my food choices and increase my activity level, and I think I've only gained 2 lbs this month!  Hopefully, I can keep making good choices the rest of the pregnancy.

Tomorrow is my sister's birthday!  Yay her!  We got her an awesome gift, if I do say so myself; I just hope that it arrives on time.  :)

70,000

No, it's not the number of days since I posted.  It's the mileage on my car right now.  I was able to watch it turn from 69,999 to 70,000 on my way to work this morning.  It was a thrill.  :)

Nothing much going on here; I think that's a good thing.  Currently at 25 weeks and baby has decided that if it presses its fist as hard as it can against the side of my belly for an extended period of time, that it will "break on through to the other side."  So far the baby isn't listening to me, so I may be giving birth to a teenager.  Here's some bullet points for your amusement:

-Last weekend, we went up to see JD's family and, true to form, my SIL could not keep herself from making some truly obnoxious and hateful statements.  As I told JD later, this is sad in two ways.  First, the family is close and I'd love to have a good relationship with SIL.  I'm settling for guarded but cordial, and the fact that I'm settling stinks.  Second, if it were any other person, I'd just have nothing to do with them, but because this is JD's sister, I can't just totally avoid her or think of her as having died in some freak napalming incident.  That stinks too.

-This week, JD and I visited our preferred choice for a daycare center and everything went well.  Something had to, eventually, right?  I mean, it's the law of averages.

-Today, the junk company is coming to take away some large pieces of furniture that were living in what will be the baby's room.  The company recycles or donates the vast majority of the stuff that they collect, so I felt good knowing that the usable things (as opposed to JD's desk made of sawdust which won't last a move of 2 inches) wouldn't just end up in a landfill.  I would've preferred to have Goodwill or a similar organization get the stuff directly, but the charities in my area won't pickup from an apartment.  I figure I'm paying for the convenience of getting it all out at one time.

-I also had a freak out this week while researching pediatricians.  Saw the schedule for recommended vaccinations and my eyes almost fell out of my head.  It really seems like a lot of shots.  I got The Vaccine Book from the library, so I'll be going through that to start some initial research.  I'm also going to schedule an info session with the pediatrician group near us that I've found.  I'm pro-vaccine, particularly considering that the baby will be in daycare, but I'm concerned about the multiple shots for multiple diseases in very short periods of time.  Opinions/suggestions welcome here.

-The other thing I've started working on this week is getting us and The Boy signed up for some training on introducing dog and baby.  I still need to make appointments for the 1-hour glucose test (hooray) and a fetal scan at 28 weeks to get an estimated weight.  This last scan was recommended by my doctor as measuring fundal height on me (and my upper and lower bellies) won't be at all accurate for judging the size of the baby.

I'm being swamped at work, so I'll end this here.  Hope y'all are doing well.

"Home is where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in."

I'm still alive.  But, to use Leah's words, I have been feeling like fried a**.  First, we had an interlude of antibiotic-induced projectile vomiting that lasted for 24 straight hours, then I ran out of IV fluids and the home healthcare people lost their brains and took 5 days to get me new baga, then it didn't really matter because after just one new bag, my IV got pulled out and all the King's horses and all the King's men could not put an IV into me again, then I traveled on the SS Constipation (motto: "This ship don't move") for about a week.  Oh, and John Dear lost his job again.  Life has not been pretty.

We have now been living with my parents for 2 whole weeks.  That's the only part that's been going well.

Why I Need Health Care Reform

This has nothing to do with the health reform bill that is going to be voted on in a few short hours. Instead, this has to do with the bureaucratic bastardos at my insurance company who are overruling my doctor's decision to put me on a subcutaneous pump with anti-nausea meds.  Their reasoning is that I'm trying to move (in my own words) from a handgun (Zofran) to a nuclear bomb (the pump). They want to see a longer demonstrated line of meds we've tried and that have failed.  The Zofran is keeping me from vomiting constantly, but does nothing to get rid of the constant nausea and dizziness.  Tried the Phenergan suppository (yuck) on Thursday night -- it made me feel sicker and I spent half the night in the bathroom. Let's cross that one off.

Now, I don't totally disagree with the insurance company's general reasoning.  It would be better to not go to the nuclear bomb if something smaller would work.  In my situation, however, I'm at such a dramatic lack of health, that we need to find the remedy that will be the most effective and work in the shortest amount of time.  Now is not the time for onesies-twosies.  I have missed two weeks of work, and have not left my bedroom, let alone my apartment in a week (that, to go to the doctor).

My doc, who I totally love, can't believe how difficult my insurance company is. She just keeps going over all the things we do have documented on my chart that speak towards getting the pump (weight loss, spilling ketones, threatening dehydration, can't keep any food down but toast, stopped all prenatal vitamins, stopped my happy pills (Zoloft) which leads to me crying while watching C-SPAN and a general lack of non-rational behavior, constant nausea, constant vertigo, etc.) Told my doc that they probably don't even care about the weight loss, because their thinking is probably well, she's so fat, that she's probably healthier now.  Just realized that I have now lost 15 lbs (unfortunately not documented medically) in 4 weeks. May bring this number up to the doc on Monday to add to the chart.

I've found that my apple juice/water has been helping to hydrate me.  I'm nowhere near hydrated, but am much better off than I was with the ginger ale.

My mom helped me to shower and wash my hair this past week.  G-D bless her.  Instead of standing up in the shower, I sat down, facing away from the faucet, and we used a handheld sprayer*, so I could tilt my head back rather than forward while washing my hair.  Feeling clean made me feel so much better.

*We bought and installed the handheld sprayer before JD's first foot surgery, since he wasn't able to get his foot wet for X weeks.  I forgot that we still had it because I don't use his shower normally.  For anyone having showering issues (for whatever reason) I highly recommend this, it was really cheap and we bought ours at Home Depot and installed it ourselves.  If we can do that, anyone can.

This Might Be Real

Thanks to all those who checked in on me yesterday.  I got pulled into a meeting at work and when I was at home, got wrapped up in "Cradle of Persia" (this computer game that I play that's kind of like Bejeweled, only awesome, well, awesome for me).  Anways, I didn't get to blog last night.  My 2nd beta number was:

127

Can you believe it?!?!?!  This might actually be IT.

Here's my chart.  I am above-average, as we knew all along.  (grin).

I go back in on Saturday for a 3rd beta and for an ultrasound next Thursday.

I told both my parents on Tuesday, and we told JD's mom last night.  She asked us not to tell JD's dad as he would not be able to keep this on the DL.

My mom told my sister, and I'm a little peeved about that, since hello, it's my news to tell and I specifically hadn't talked to my brother because I hadn't talked to my sister.  So my mom says, "But she got it out of me!"  And I said, "How?  Because she was on the phone with you?"  And my mom said, "Yes!"  Oh well.  As for everyone else in the family and the wider world, I'm just waiting until I feel right about it.

Keyser Snowsze

The title was my favorite name in the running for the current snowstorms.  I think it was beaten out by Snowpacolypse or Snowmageddon, but I like the goth feel of Keyser Snowsze.
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I'm in my office today for the first time since last Wednesday.  It was really nice to have a break, but I had to get out of the house to get away from JD (who is still home from work).

We got a little over 29 inches by us, which I (90% me, 10% JD) shoveled off of my car and parking spot pretty quickly.  I went out for about 30 minutes on Saturday and then did another 45 minutes on Sunday and I was done!  I was motivated for bagels and also because BFF's dog had surgery last Thursday and was not doing well.  (She is since doing better - major thanks to SIL who thought to have us give the dog some Pepcid!).

JD did 5 minutes of shovelling on his own car (he wouldn't let me do anything).  So far, you can see the back of his car, but cannot get into the car.  (Apparently, bagels are not motivating factor for JD).  This car, currently encased in 29" of snow, is about to get another 20" thrown at it.  We may see JD's car moving again around April.
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This 2ww really hasn't been all that bad, basically because I think it's not gonna work.  Right now, I'm just going through the motions of the wait and waiting for my period/negative beta so we can get to another cycle and then hopefully, one that will work.

I am really dizzy right now.  The reason for this is:

A) I'm pregnant. (Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.  Excuse me while I die laughing)
B) My body is fucking with me.
C) Differentials in air pressure in my office.
D) Not enough caffeine in the hot chocolate this morning.
E) Any of or a combination thereof of B, C and/or D, but certainly not A.
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My unfulfilled due date is coming up soon - Saturday, to be exact.  I've been feeling pretty down about it, but I'm trying to hide it from JD.  If I remind him of it, he'll go all Sarah Bernhardt on me and I just can't deal with his DRAMA right now.

BFF and I came up with a plan to light candles for Shabbat on Friday night and to use that ritual internally as a memorial.
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Since I worked on MLK Day, I get to take off for President's Day.  Getting inspiration from Mel, JD and I will be spending the 3-day weekend in Hershey, PA (assuming Keyser Snowsze doesn't blow it for us).  I will hopefully be getting a chocolate massage, going to a chocolate brunch and will definitely be going to a hockey game on Valentine's Day.  Yay, chocolate!

Rainbow Connection

A bunch of items, none of them long enough for a single post...

-There's a rainbow on my living room ceiling.  The rainbow is cast from a glass sculpture that JD and I purchased on our honeymoon.  I know that rainbows are just scientific phenomena, but they always give me hope.  I wish that this rainbow would be a sign for me.

-JD started a new job last week.  The commute is much better and we hope it will be a good fit for him.  JD's biggest complaint is that he has to wear a tie most days.  As a programmer, he usually was not expected to be dressed so formally.  I think he looks sexy, told him so, and he replied, "You think dumb looks sexy."  When I related this to BFF, she said that I should have told him, "Yes, well that's why I'm married to you."  :)

-This weekend, BFF and I went on a girls' weekend with my sister and her best friend, my mother and my grandmother.  We drove out to the beach and had a great weekend despite the snow.  We laughed ourselves silly.

-While driving out to the beach on Friday night, I received a call from my Fairy Godmother's daughter.  My Fairy Godmother passed on Thursday.  Mary's death was as I would have wished it -- peaceful and surrounded by her children and the love that we all have for her.  There are times when I feel her presence.  She must be looking over my shoulder and watching.

-I'm going in for the first procedure of Cycle Six now.  New motto: "Cycle Six: It's More Than Five, But At Least It's an Even Number!"  I'm usually pretty good about maintaining zen for the first week.  It's in the second week of the wait that the Hope-o-Meter goes all over the place.

-I'm looking for a good shampoo and conditioner.  I have really thick, coarse hair that paradoxically is oily yet feels like straw.  Any suggestions?

Flickering Flame

My Fairy Godmother (my therapist of many years) is dying.  The results of the biopsy of the liver tumor are inconclusive, but that doesn't matter.  She went into the hospital around New Year's and her salt and potassium levels were very low.  She is now at hospice where they are trying to keep her comfortable as she is in severe pain.

I have known her since I was 16 - half my life.  I am truly blessed to have had her in my life and I am who I am today in large part because of her influence.  I am alive today because of her.

I miss her already.  I knew that this would come eventually, she's 85 years old, after all, but I didn't want it to come ever.

My Fairy Godmother's name is Mary.  She taught me and so many others how to live.  Please take a moment to pray that her pain will ease and that she will be at peace soon.

I'm home and I'm sick

Just a bad cold, but it just sucks to be sick.  It all started with a sore throat on Monday and just progressed from there.

We drove up to NJ on Sunday and my uncle's funeral was on Monday.  It was a graveside service and I thought it was really moving.  The rabbi did a good job to keep it meaningful, but didn't prolong things in the 30°F cold.

We then went to my aunt & uncle's house for shiva (part of the Jewish mourning ritual).  For those who do not have experience with this, it would remind you of a wake -- lots of people, lots of talking, lots of food.

JD and I drove back home on Tuesday morning, so that he could make his follow-up appointment with the pain clinic.  I futilely attempted sleep in the waiting room.  Really, all I accomplished was to watch court shows.

Hopefully, I'll be more exciting tomorrow.

A Perfect Storm

I'm not referring to the possible 20 inches we're in the midst of receiving.  Instead, I'm talking about the fact that I've been hit with the illness and death of many loved ones.

My uncle died this morning.  We thought it would take much longer, but his numbers had been steadily decreasing and he went into multiple organ failure earlier this week.  He lived a long, fruitful life -- he got to see his own children grow up, marry and have their own children.
JD and I will try to drive up tomorrow in order to attend my uncle's funeral on Monday. I just feel like I'll be better off having my own car there.


My dad is devastated.  I did not have a close relationship with my uncle, but my heart aches for my father.  The infection in my father's leg seems to be lessening, although it is by no means gone.  My mother says that his leg looks 50% better than what they originally dealt with at the ER.

My Fairy Godmother (my therapist of many years who I'm quite close to) told me last night that she likely has liver cancer.  We will find out after the new year if this is certain and what can be done about it.  I have dreaded losing her for a long time.  I don't want to face this.  She has had such a profound affect on my life and I don't want to lose her.  The good thing is that we will have time to say goodbye.

Food, Folks, Fun, Fearsome Anger, Fehr Scores, Furniture Care

I hope that everyone in the US had a happy Thanksgiving, or at the very least, you've survived the long weekend. To everyone else around the globe, hope you had a nice weekend!

Our Thanksgiving was pretty good. We spend odd years with my family, so of course, that's always great. I successfully stayed on detox diet, but it really sucked to not eat stuffing or the four million desserts that were served.

For Thanksgiving, I had:
-Turkey (expertly made by my mom)
-Salad
-Butternut Squash Soup (also made by my mom, which I thought was awesome and everyone else thought demonstrated how long it's been since I had good food)
-Quinoa with Dried Fruits & Nuts (made by me)
-Butternut Squash Brown Rice Pasta Bake (made by me, not successful, will not be repeating)
-Baked Apples with Oats & Almonds (made by BFF, so I had my own dessert, yay!)

I did prevail upon my mom to give my containers of stuffing, green bean casserole and the pumpkin bread made by the Princess (my brother's wife), all of which are residing in my freezer awaiting post-detox feasting.
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On Friday, BFF and I finally made it to the tailor's, to get a bunch of stuff altered (hems, zippers, what have you). We then got lunch and braved the mob at DSW to get some shoes. Then, we just hung out at her house. We always have such a great time together and it was nice to just chill.
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Saturday, SIL and her family came over to use our pool. Then, we all met up with JD's parents to have lunch and celebrate SIL's birthday. My in-laws have now successfully ruined another one of my favorite restaurants. All they do is bitch, bitch, bitch. Nothing is ever right. I love them, but sometimes they really suck. Then, we had to sit at the mall's play area with them and four million little kids and babies to watch my nephews frolic in the chaos. It was not fun.

The night improved though, because we had Chinese food and I watched Eric Fehr (whom I met at Hockey 'n' Heels) score a goal 10 seconds before the end of the third period, helping the Caps win in an overtime shootout against Montreal. Yay!
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Sunday was spent in lounging around, picking price stickers off our china, washing our china, putting away our china (one day my house will be clean and organized; I hope) and watching TV. Oh, and we had Thai for dinner.

I'm Kreativ!

I just got the Kreativ Blogger award from ma chere Clare of The Pitter-Patter. Thank you very much!

The Rules:

1) Thank the person who gave you this award.

2) Copy the logo and place it on your blog.

3) Link to the person who nominated you for this award.

4) Name 7 things about yourself that people may not know.

5) Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.

6) Link to your nominees' blogs.

7) Leave them a comment letting them know they've been nominated.

The Things:

1) I eat sandwiches and Reese's cups in circles -- all the way around the edges, then I eat the middles.

2) A song on the radio that I heard when I was 5 scared me off of listening to the radio for the next 7 years. It was "Muskrat Love" by The Captain & Tenille.

3) I totally beat John Dear's 5 and 6 year old nephews at Disney DDR. I told the family I was keeping my amateur status for the Olympics.

4) I have become an utter Gleek.

5) My shoe obsession: ballet flats.

6) I have six articles of hockey memoribilia in my office (two bobbleheads, one clapper, two posters, one wristband).

7) I'm working towards keeping kosher and have cut out pork and am now working to cut out shellfish.

My Nominees:

1) Dreaming of Quiet Places

2) On (In)fertile Ground

3) No, I'm Not Pregnant, Just Fat

4) Baby Making Journey

5) Baby OCD

6) Flotsam

7) The Privileged Infertile

Still Waiting

Got back late last night from a relaxing weekend at the beach. We spent all day at the beach on Saturday and even went into the water. It was so cold, but very little waves. JD and I both did a lot of reading and each of us finished one book and we also finished the audiobook that we had been listening to.

My sister brought her new boyfriend along, and I was excited to meet him. He was really nice and very funny. They made dinner for us on Saturday night and the food (burgers and corn on the grill) was fantastic! She was smiling the whole time that she was around him and I am very happy for her.

Still waiting for my period so we can get on this roller coaster again. This waiting-in-line ride stinks. The good thing about it not coming earlier is that now I don't have to worry that I'll be ovulating while on vacation. I'm just trying to use this time to take care of myself: eat healthfully, exercise on a daily basis and get plenty of sleep.

Relaxation

Trying to find it. Today was about trying to find relaxation. Woke up early, had a nice shower, shaved and dressed quickly to get out of the house. Stopped at my fave bagel place for a sandwich and some coffee and drove up to my acupuncture appointment.


I've been concerned that I haven't gotten my period yet, as the timing is getting in the way of my vacation plans. I've been told that the first period after a miscarriage doesn't really follow normal cycle dates, but I'm trying to plan stuff here, people!

My acupuncturist was able to work on some areas that she said will promote my period coming. She also used some electrodes and heat to help the process. I hope that it helps; it was helpful to just lie back and focus on the image of ocean waves - taking away all bad things and cleansing me, and bringing in good things and relaxation.

I squeezed in a pedicure and then John Dear and I were off to Philly to pay a call on my sister-in-law's family (her brother passed away last week). I'm hoping that we don't get back too late tomorrow night, but I just want to be a help to my brother and sister-in-law.

Holiday Weekend

The weekend was fine overall. Some of the highlights/notables follow:

-I'm not a huge fan of driving over bridges. I have this fear that I will go crazy and drive off the side of the bridge. Yes, I'm crazy. Anyways, based on where we went through the E-Z Pass lane, I had to drive on the one lane of the westbound bridge that was going eastbound. AAAHHH! I was pretty nervous, but doing OK with my breathing exercises and JD saying, "You're OK. You're OK. You're OK." Well, I was OK until my eyes started tearing up, I got sunscreen in my eyes and was blinded. I started screaming, "I can't see! I can't see!" JD grabbed the wheel and ripped off his shirt so that I could use it to wipe my eyes. Thank G-D he was there. I would've crashed into oncoming traffic or off the bridge otherwise.

-About 15 minutes after the bridge fiasco, The Boy goes crazy and starts running all over the car. JD and I are both "What the heck?!" The Boy jumps onto my lap and, as JD pulls him back over to his own lap, The Boy proceeds to poop on my left leg, the steering wheel, my right leg, the gear shift and JD's legs. Ew. Ewww. Ewwwww!!!! We were able to stop at a gas station a couple of miles down the road and clean up the car and ourselves.

-Dr. Chai was content to let me stay off the drugs while I felt that I was responding rationally and this weekend was really my test of that. Big FAIL. I was so filled with anxiety on Thursday that my mother said that she could actually see me shaking with stress. I felt like I was vibrating. After bursting into tears on Friday morning because my open suitcase had spilled out onto the floor (I thought it was closed when I moved it), I decided, along with the counsel of family and BFF, to get back on the drugs. The suitcase incident was followed by worry that BFF's boyfriend didn't like me because there weren't enough beds at the beach place and an incident with my mother because I felt that she liked everyone else better than me. It's not all in my head; what I mean is, there are actual examples I can point to, to show why I start thinking in a certain way, it's just that my head misinterprets and misjudges and just makes everything worse. My mother and I have talked about it and I feel better now. I am back on the drugs now and hoping for "normal" reactions soon.

-We had lots of wonderful things to eat all weekend. I read a lot. We got to see real fireworks! Not the lame-o ones that JD, wannabe pyro, sets off at inappropriately late hours, angering the neighbors, but a government-sponsored fireworks display! Yay!

-I don't feel like I was able to relax enough, but am hoping to do so soon.

Ongoing (also, ICLW May Day 2)

Time to tell you interwebs of all the BIG MAJOR THINGS going on at Chez Jendeis.

1. Donor #1 is available!! We got the call last Thursday that they were releasing two types of vials (ICI - unwashed and our clinic's preferred; IUI - washed and acceptable) for our donor. I told John Dear that if my Caps had to lose Game 7 (last Wednesday) in order for Donor #1 to be available, that I was OK with that outcome.

2. Since time is/was a factor and the vials HAD to be ordered on Friday (in order for them to get to our clinic within the allotted time frame), John Dear and I woke up at sparrow's fart on Friday (thanks to Sam for this fabulous description) to get the ID Consent Form signed, notarized and hand-delivered to the bank.

3. Since I'm the patient, JD was not allowed to order the vials. That means that I had to call on my cell phone from my sister's doctoral graduation. Yeah, I ordered 5 vials of sperm (2 to clinic; 3 for storage) while standing on a DC street with a couple hundred people crowded around trying to get into an air-conditioned auditorium. Thank G-D the people at my bank are so professional - they know how to talk to you so that you don't say anything you wouldn't want others to hear.

4. Yay for Elle! She's now Dr. Elle! My sistah the doctah! Unfortunately, they didn't give her a wicked cool blue phone box, just a doctoral hood and a diploma.

5. I've been doing the Is-the-test-line-darker-than-the-control-line? squint for the past 5 days to see whether or not I've ovulated. Got the dark line today and just called my nurse. I don't think I sounded crazier than I usually do. I'm pretty sure all my calls to her are at the same level of "Dayum, that girl be kuh-rrrrrr-aaaaa-zeee!"

6. I've been having a healthy breakfast every day the last two weeks. This good-for-me meal usually consists of tea with milk and less-than-a-teaspoon of sugar (down from one heaping teaspoon) and Greek yogurt with fruit and nuts.

7. Was planning on going to the farmer's market tomorrow to try and pick up some good milk and yogurt from happy cows. I'd also like to get some berries, some asparagus and some more of the delicious spring onions I got last time.

8. Not sure if I'll be able to make it to the farmer's market though -- it depends on when my nurse schedules the IUIs. We're doing two - should be one Saturday and one Sunday. No trip to the beach for moi this Memorial Day Weekend, but hopefully, there will be a better payoff.

And now, for something completely different.

Where I've Commented Today:

Flotsam

Making Me Mom

The Angry Infertile

Cooking During Stolen Moments

Food Renegade

I Returned a Comment to:

Our Surrogacy Adventure

Vent On and Off

Oh, I'm so ready for my tea today. This Friday has been dragging on and on.

Nothing really going on here. Lemme just vent for a second: John Dear doesn't open mail. Any mail at all. Because his mother never let any of them open the mail, so now he just brings it in (if he even bothers to do that) and dumps it somewhere or everywhere. Come the f-ck on! WTF do you do all day? You can't even open the g. fricken. d. mail!? Why do I have to do everything?

Vent over. I found a big envelope from the Giant Fertility Clinic, which was mailed before our nurse got the news that we were going forward with donor sperm as opposed to IVF. It had a whole lotta stuff that we needed to get done before we cycled; luckily, most of the stuff only applies to IVF and I don't need to worry about it. The things that we do need are: to get consents signed (no problem), GYN checkup (done and faxed over already) and renew blood tests. So, tomorrow morning, instead of going to my first ever farmer's market, I've got to spend a couple hours with the unwashed-and-presumably-incubating-swine-flu masses at our local lab. At least I have a large amount of books from the library to go through while I sit waiting for the vampires.

After I get back from the Faux-Cullens' (the lab for you non-Twilight-ers out there), we'll probably be going directly to the CAPS game - Game 1 of the second round of the playoffs. Let's hope we play better overall in this round against the ever-annoying Penguins.

I think we're going out for dinner on Saturday night with a friend of JD's and his fiancee (I think I spoke about them once before as Hogan and The Cake Taker). Hogan can be a lot of fun; The Cake Taker is tolerable, when I practice patience.

Vent on again. On Sunday, it's one of JD's nephews' birthdays. SIL thought up a great idea for the activity and that was to draft all these 5-year olds into manual labor. Don't want to specify as to what, but suffice it to say that what they will be painting doesn't require great technique and allows the kids to get as dirty as they want to be. MIL told me to wear ratty clothes. Um, hi, I am not 5 and, as such, will not be participating in the activity. No need to lay out the dress code for me, but thanks.

In the same conversation that she told me about the dress code, MIL also told me that she thought up a great gift that I should get SIL for Mother's Day. (Screeching tires). What, what, what?!! I won't be getting anything for SIL for Mother's Day because, as I'm sure you're aware, she is not MY mother and I'm not about to celebrate her simply for the fact that she does have kids. Hopefully, I get through Sunday without killing any of my in-laws. Vent off again.

Back Home

John Dear and I are back home from our Caribbean cruise vacation with my parents and my sister. A lovely time -- only 24 hours of really bad sea-sickness and 1 major panic attack (induced from very rough seas and me not taking my meds - will I ever learn?). I had a massage and also had my first acupuncture treatment! Fabulous and will definitely do it again.

JD was off his meds all week, at the instruction of his doctor, so that they could determine a new baseline for him. Except for one instance of miscommunication, when he blew up, but quickly calmed down, he was wonderful. More like himself than I've ever seen him. I always suspected that he was wrongly medicated and I'm pretty sure this week proved it.

Am now catching up on everyone's news - over 600 posts for me on Google Reader. Yikes! Hoping that everyone out there continues to have happy holidays and a very happy new year.

Not Sure

SIL sent me a long email last night and I'm not really sure where she's going with it. Maybe vacation brain came to me too early. Wanna take a crack at explaining? I'm interested to hear your comments.

Backstory: SIL is all about homebirth, breastfeeding et al. She had an easy time of conception, pregnancy and midwife-assisted births (one at a birth home, one a homebirth) of both her children. Over Thanksgiving, SIL confessed her worries to me that ART = bad things. Later, I sent her a link to Mrs. Spock's post about the Great Birth Debate because I thought SIL would find it interesting.

Now, SIL has sent me the following email, and I just don't get it. Do you?

---

From: SIL
To: Jendeis
RE: The Great Birth Debate

Okay,
I put the last two paragraphs up front so I can try to explain my rant. Its
probably going to make you cry. I do it because I can’t think of any other way to emphasize that woman put herself where she ended up. Its a nasty
self-fulfilling circular event and I don’t know how to pull people out of it by being nice.
---
I’m not being nice. I’m sorry. I know this is so hard for you guys. I just can’t begin to explain how much of the labor is mental. And it is a real issue. You can think/worry you’re baby to death. **Name Removed** did. She wished and wished for a miscarriage and it didn’t happen. Instead she got a full term baby with a heart defect who died shortly after birth. It stank for her, knowing she’d killed her baby. Just like women can wish themselves into an induction/section.

I’m not saying I think you can wish yourself pregnant. That is a whole different issue. I’m just saying that when you hang out with the infertile/preemie/overdue/section/formula crowd you set yourself up for issues. It stinks that you have to work harder to have a baby and then even harder to keep it out of the miasma of substandard care that is the American standard. I do know of one very good birth therapist? I guess you’d call her. Someone who can help you unearth and work through your birth issues. We all have them. I think everyone should have the chance to work with someone who can help them – it would be better prenatal care than anything you’ll find in an MDs office.
---
So lets recap [Mrs. Spock's post]. Infertile = failure. Baby won’t position = failure. Finds an excuse that baby is in dire trouble (kick counts) = failure to get to term. Induction = failed. C/s and fails to breast feed. Great she followed down the path and now thinks if she has another kid she wants another section. Why even bother, right.

She’s an ICU nurse. She dwelled on all that could go wrong. She found reasons she needed to work with and OB and be delivered in a hospital. Doesn’t say what type of birth/delivery her doula had. Thrush sucks, yeah. But 3 weeks doesn’t strike me as all that committed. Did she say, try pumping and bottle feeding breast milk – see if that helped her nipples? Did she, change her diet and give up all white flour and sugar – yeah its hard but what’s it worth to double your baby’s chance of surviving their first year?

She bought a ticket on the failure/hospital/OB train and rode it all the way.

I’m not on board with this give women choices. Let them decide where they feel safer. That is a load of crap in my opinion. Women don’t feel safer in a hospital. Women choose hospital care because its cheap and easy and lets them be one of the crowd. If we made homebirth free and hospitals $10,000 to walk in the door suddenly people would feel safer at home. If we lived somewhere most women had homebirths it’d be the hospital birthers that would stick out.

Same with the bottle. Oh, “I went to a LLL meeting. Oh I tried. It just didn’t work.”

Maybe she’s the Mom who came to one meeting with her kid at 2 weeks on
a pacifier, who had just been with the LC the day before who told her Throw out every pacifier in the house.” And we told her constant contact, skin to skin and nursing as often as you can will increase your milk supply. So she kept her infant, awake strapped in the car seat for 2 hours with a pacifier in its mouth and never touched it – just put the pacifier back in. Or the other one who came in same issue but concerned about latch. She nodded and repeated, “Hold them, constant contact as she sat on the floor feeding a bottle. Told the leaders, “Oh that would be great for you to check her latch while she’s nursing.” Unbuckled her kid – burped her and strapped her back in. Then when the baby was hungry 30 minutes later she mixed up a fresh batch of formula and fed that without touching her kid. So they can say LLL failed them but they tried. I’m see too many selfish lazy b_____ that claim it for me not to suspect that’s the majority. (I count my own mother among those to selfish to do the right thing.)

Its like someone who does crappy work and misses their deadlines saying
don’t fire me I come in on time and leave on time. Yeah, you’re in the office
but if you’re staring into space and not working it doesn’t count.

There is an enormous mental component. And it terrifies me what I see
thrown at most women. It comes from all directions, everyone has horror stories. Everyone asks, “How are you doing?” Come on! What’s the implication? Do you ask healthy women that or cancer victims?

I’m not saying infertility doesn’t suck. I’m saying that its puts you
even further back on the path to believing in yourself. It sets you up to trust the medical community and to believe that you need their care. Maybe some infertility cases do. But if the pregnancy is healthy why should a fertility treatment pregnancy be different from a non-fertility treatment pregnancy?

And I think kick counts are bogus crap. I know plenty of women who had
a busy day forgot to do their counts, got nervous and realized the baby wasn’t moving which freaked them out more (of course the baby stops moving when you’re freaking out!!!). When you have a midwife you ignore it, pray and eventually its fine. When you have an OB you have an induction and formula feed and thank G-d you were in the right place for them to save your baby.

You think I’m jaded and disgusted with what I see the fertility treatment pregnancies go through? You should see what the poor SOBs that are
having affairs or feel guilty about their previous abortions put themselves
through. Best way I know to have a seriously painful labor with a 3-4th degree tear and end up on anti-depression meds.

I’m not being nice. I’m sorry. I know this is so hard for you guys. I just can’t begin to explain how much of the labor is mental. And it is a real
issue. You can think/worry you’re baby to death. **Name Removed** did. She wished and wished for a miscarriage and it didn’t happen. Instead she got a full term baby with a heart defect who died shortly after birth. It stank for her, knowing she’d killed her baby. Just like women can wish themselves into an induction/section.

I’m not saying I think you can wish yourself pregnant. That is a whole
different issue. I’m just saying that when you hang out with the
infertile/preemie/overdue/section/formula crowd you set yourself up for issues. It stinks that you have to work harder to have a baby and then even harder to keep it out of the miasma of substandard care that is the American standard. I do know of one very good birth therapist? I guess you’d call her. Someone who can help you unearth and work through your birth issues. We all have them. I think everyone should have the chance to work with someone who can help them – it would be better prenatal care than anything you’ll find in an MDs office.