Friday, November 28, 2008

Complete the Equation

Could someone explain the following to me, because I can't wrap my head around this:

ART = multiple births + gestational diabetes + medicated labor + c-section + no breastfeeding + 2 full-time nannies + mother never holds her children + other events in the Parade of Horribles

This was the equation that SIL was trying to tell me last night. That this is what she is worried about for John Dear and me using fertility treatments to get pregnant. I'm pretty sure my brain exploded in confusion.

I was able to calmly but assertively tell her that just because we can't get pregnant on our own does not mean that all our previously-held, quasi-crunchy beliefs go out the window. I'm not angry at her, just sad and disappointed.

I was also able to explain to her that "just adopting" isn't all that easy, and that the method that John Dear and I use to build our family was our own business. I told SIL that our chances of getting pregnant naturally were at 1-2% EVER, and that it wasn't a question of just trying for six months (which is all it took for SIL to get pregnant with each of her kids).

I'm hoping that SIL will now understand a little bit better just how much John Dear and I want to build our family and that however we go about doing it is the way that it is going to happen. I was able to stay calm in person, but this was the soundtrack in my head: "eff you, eff you, eff you, eff you, and EFF YOU!" As the wise t-shirt says, "Lucky me. Infertility and your stupid comments."

18 comments:

Jen said...

Nope, can't explain it because it doesn't make sense. But how do I get the free nannies? Are they like a consolation prize?

annacyclopedia said...

Oh, dude! Sorry you had to be subjected to that. It sucks when people have made so many assumptions that you just can't even begin to take them apart. Hope the rest of the gathering was much more pleasant.

Somewhat Ordinary said...

Did she explain WHY she thinks ART means those things? I'm sorry you had to deal with that on what is supposet to be a day of being thankful for what you have.

Manda said...

*hugs*

The holidays can really suck for we infertile folk. Maybe we should just crawl in a cave and stay there until January? I'll bring the food. You bring the wine.

Tricia said...

I can't explain why some people have those opinions.. or worse shove them in the face of someone who is going through IF. None of thier business. Good for you for keeping your cool and telling her the real deal!

LJ said...

That sounds like another equation I know.

Dumb SIL + Inane Comments = Need for beatings.

Liddy said...

Cannot help you. Sorry :(

I am still trying to get my mind wrapped around various comments.

But I am so happy you kept your cool. I almost did, it came spewing out in the car.

kirke said...

My family does this too. They associate any kind of fertility measures with enough kids to man a soccer team and a multitude of birth defects. Frustrating.

Where can I buy the t-shirt? I think I will need to wear it for the remainder of the holidays.

Io said...

Oh lord. Sorry you had to deal with that.
On the other hand, does this mean if we manage to have a kid with ART that I will be able to afford two nannies?! That would be awesome.

nancy said...

Good lord. That's just ridiculous. How can anyone actually believe that?

Me said...

You know my take on SILs...

Hillary said...

Thanks so much for the welcome and stopping by my blog!

Ha, I just had to laugh at that equation! Quite crazy... sorry for a tough conversation with SIL :(
Hillary
makingmemom.blogspot.com

Lori said...

I've never seen that t-shirt, but I can see how it would come in handy quite often.

Thanks so much for the bday wishes. I want me that t-shirt!

theclam said...

No ways! That is way off board - I would love to have punched her in the face for you ;)

xxx

Dagny said...

Ugh.

And I agree, smack in the mouth for that stupid behaviour.

My SIL is equally as bad, if not worse, so much so in fact that I no longer speak to my family. Sad but true...LOL

xoxo

Anonymous said...

Next time- Dear SIL GO EFF YOURSELF! I know you eat dogpoop on Tuesdays for lunch- and I don't jusge you- soleave me alone!

JJ said...

What crap...I have to laugh, but its a sinister MEAN laugh--I mean, COME on.

Faithful Infertile said...

I hate dumb fertiles. Geez... some people are clueless & need to learn when to keep their mouths shut!