Spotting, Counting, Teething?

I had very light spotting this morning.  Freaked but figured it was more than likely nothing.  Still, went downstairs to double-check Dr. Google and called my nurse at Giant Fertility Clinic.  I've decided that I'm faced with too many decisions.  :)

Here's the scenario:
Nurse's voicemail says she'll be in from 7 AM to 4 PM.  (It's currently 6:45).  You can leave a message or if it's urgent call the main line.

The main line voicemail says they don't answer the phone till 8 AM, but if you have a medical emergency, call 911, or if it's not an emergency but urgent that you speak to someone, you can call the answering service who will page the doctor on call.

So, you've already got this web of choices that you have to go through when you are freaking out but kind of maintaining but kind of freaking.

You can:
A) Leave a message on Nurse's voice mail.
B) Leave a message on main line voice mail.
C) Wait for main line to answer their phone.
D) Call 911.
E) Call answering service and have on-call doc paged.

Where's the line to reach someone that answers in one ring and immediately tells you it's fine, no worries?

Well, I left a message on Nurse's line and she called me back a little after 8.  She thinks it's probably nothing but is going to have me come in for an u/s on Friday as opposed to waiting till the 30th.  I figure if she was really worried, she'd be having me come in today, right away, not waiting for several days.  I'm basically calm now.  No more spotting since this morning.

Sort of related only not question about dates: I'm following the convention of dating since LMP; I think Nurse/GFC is dating from dIUI.  Following my convention, I was 6 weeks this past Saturday.  Following Nurse's convention, I'm not 6 weeks till this Friday.

It doesn't really make a difference except it totally does because let's say someone's family was planning on going on a D-s-n-y cruise and they won't let you on at 24 weeks (like, they'll literally prevent you from getting on the boat) and by my count, I'm 24 weeks the day that we go.  But by Nurse's count, I wouldn't be 24 weeks till the middle of the trip (in which case, I don't know if they'd let me on).  And this probably doesn't matter anyways because: a) the count that really matters is my midwifery practice cause I won't be with GFC past 8 weeks (G-D willing) and it's more likely than not that they will go by LMP, and b) remember how sick I was last time?  I didn't get off the Zofran pump till I was 26 weeks.  Combining my severe motion sickness with hyperemesis?  No thank you.
______________________

In other news, LM is fine.  Whatever fever he might have had was gone by the time we picked him up from daycare.  We took it easy Wednesday night and during the day on Thursday (had to keep him home due to daycare policy).  He was fine by Thursday afternoon.  I suspect it was just a teething fever.

Once More Unto the Breach and All That

I'm 35 now.  Thirty effing five.  I've been having a bit of a hard time adjusting to the change.  Some of this angst is because I'm now officially old and must admit that I will now never do some of the things I wanted to do in my life (be thin while I'm young, can't think of anything else, it must just be that).  More of the sturm und drang though comes from us getting back on the TTC bandwagon.

I made the appointment for the consultation.  It's real.  I'm actually signing up to go through all this another time.

I'm out of practice here -- there's so much going on in my head and I'm finding it difficult to articulate.  Hopefully, I'll be less rusty as I keep posting.  I would like to keep a record of this time -- not for my child(ren, hopefully) to read later, but more for myself -- to have it memorialized that I was here, I went through this, I wanted this.

I am in a better space to be starting a new IF journey.  I've lost a lot of weight since we first started trying.  Thanks to hyperemesis during the pregnancy and gallstones afterwards, I lost 70 pounds all tolled.  Of course, once my gall bladder came out, I started eating and eating and eating.  I'm still down 25 lbs though and I'm doing Weight Watchers to inculcate those healthy eating and exercise habits again.

We're also in a new (to us) house, in a new (to JD, but home to me) state.  Yay Maryland!!  It's lovely to be back on this side of the river.  I've got a 10 minute commute and it's just lover-ly.  Sure, our home has been invaded by packing boxes which multiply like Gremlins, but otherwise, I'm really happy with the house.

We'll see where we go from here, eh?

The Forest, The Trees and Freak Napalming Incidents

I've always been a worrier -- full of anxiety, ready to see that Parade of Horribles wherever I go.  My mom used to call me "Very Worried Walrus" after the Sweet Pickles book.  My list of worries is long-lived and long-limbed, like a giant tree, well, many trees to go with the many different, yet inter-related worries.  Or, maybe it's a web of webs.  I'm sure there's a metaphor in here somewhere.

My biggest worry changes from day-to-day, hour-to-hour, and minute-to-minute.  Here's the top few currently:

1. I'm eating like there's no tomorrow; I'm going to gain back all this weight; I've gotta stop.
2. R has had the never-ending daycare cold with alternating runny and stuffy nose and cough for 2 weeks.
3. I need to make sure that I have my parents and JD's parents record a story or something for R so that he has something to remember them by when they pass.  (Not that this will happen soon, G-D forbid, I'm just worrying about it).  Really, this extends to all family members and friends cause you never know when they will die in some freak napalming incident.
4. Need to write letters to R and a document detailing all I want for him and want for him to learn in the event of my early death in some freak napalming incident.
5. The baby's clothes will never become clean and are horribly stained with spit-up.  (Deeper meaning: I am a horrible mother; This is a large section of the forest/web/whichever metaphor you prefer).
6. I am neither able to iron nor light matches and what does this say about me as a person?

I do have faith, though.  Faith in myself; faith in G-D; faith that somehow I'll muddle through all of this.  I just think, somehow, this will all work itself out because it has to.  It may not end how I wish it, but there will be an end somewhere.

The Lazarus Project

I'm here.

The last seven months have been a tremendous struggle, but R is the absolute light of my life.  He is worth all of this.

I haven't posted until now because I:

• didn't have the time, juggling the baby, housework and full-time job;
• was dealing with some issues that I didn't feel free to post about;
• felt guilty that I hadn't posted anything;
• prioritized all tasks over me time;
• etc., etc., etc.

Yet, I've always found this blog to be a great outlet for me.  I'm hoping that I will be able to post on a regular basis -- making use of a spare ten or fifteen minutes to at least check in.

I've missed you all desperately.  I'm back (sheepish grin).

Still Alive

First chance I've gotten to get online.  We're still alive and doing relatively well.  These first few days have been a muddled nightmare of sleeplessness, hormones, bossy in-laws and emotional breakdowns due to said sleeplessness, hormones, and bossy in-laws, etc.  Hoping we'll eventually get it together.

Surely I Must Be on TV

Why?  Because this morning, I used a seat belt to strap in a jug of pee to my car.  I'm on Candid Camera, right?  Where are the cameras?

One of the midwives called with the results this afternoon.  My pee is perfect (creatinine levels look good and protein levels are low) -- go me.

After the pee drop-off, I went to the store to buy a digital camera, thus guaranteeing that I will find the one that I can't find in my home.  Now to make sure that we remember to bring the camera with us...

I got home to find that all of the sprinkler heads have been replaced in my home.  Yay!  I had gone first thing this morning to the building manager to ask if our unit could be prioritized for the work.  Apparently, we were the first unit done today.  Thank goodness.  I believe the contractors have to come back tomorrow to check for leaks, so I can't put anything away yet, but there's light at the end of the tunnel now.

40 Weeks

Well, we're here.  No baby yet, but tons of excitement.

Early Saturday morning, I was having a lot of "contractions" that were very close together (1:30 apart for about an hour).  I knew it couldn't be the real thing because the contractions were unpleasant but not painful.  (After conferring today with my midwife and a friend who is a doula, it's likely that the contractions were my cervix effacing as opposed to dilating). 

What was worse than the contractions was the nausea.  It was back in full force.  It's been so long since I've had nausea (and it was also 3 AM), that I couldn't remember what to do and I am the Nausea Queen!  My body's response to any stimulus is nausea!  I was embarrassed for myself.  After finally realizing I needed to eat, I had a few small pretzels and made myself a cuppa tea.  The pretzels didn't help much, but once I started drinking the tea, my stomach seemed to settle down.

I've worried that the nausea would return for labor, and I guess I have confirmation now that it will.  I've spoken with both JD and our doula about this concern, stressing the need to make sure that I'm hydrating enough so that we can avoid the need for IV hydration.  We're also going to make sure to pack a few things that help me with nausea to bring in to the hospital.

So, that brings us to today.  At the midwives' office today, my blood pressure was pretty high for me (142/90).  I had my first cervical check -- one of the most painful things I've ever experienced.  I was 50% effaced and not dilated at all (maybe that's why the check was so painful).  Baby's heartrate was steady in the 150s.  A second bp check was still high, so I got sent to the hospital for a non-stress test and bloodwork.

I got hooked up to a fetal monitor and blood pressure cuff and the nurse had me lay down flat on my back on the gurney.  I wasn't able to sleep (there were so many alarm bells going off all over the place - not from me) but I was able to just lay down and rest.  They had me laying down for so long that my left hip started hurting (as it has done throughout the last couple months), so I managed to flip myself over to my side.  Apparently, my bp stayed high the whole time until I turned to my side, when it came down immediately into the normal range and stayed there.  Yeah, so I guess what they say about avoiding laying on your back when you're heavily pregnant is true and maybe the labor/delivery nurse should know that.  You know, just maybe.

My bloodwork and urine dip came back normal, so the midwife thought this was probably just pregnancy-induced hypertension.  I think it was life-induced hypertension, as they are currently replacing all of the sprinkler heads in our building, and they were supposed to come this morning and tomorrow* and you have to move everything 2 feet away from each sprinkler head so my house looks like a tornado went through it, and it's a sucky thing to go through when you're in full-on nesting mode.  There's been a couple of crying jags due to the stress and emotions and the drama of it all.  Of course, the contractors didn't even show up today.  I'm going to go down to the office tomorrow morning and see if our unit can be put on the priority list to get done because we can't clean up the place until after they are done and it's at least a 2-day process.

So, I get to do a 24-hour urine catch (hooray) and go back in to see the midwives on Thursday.

The hospital was packed today (Snowpacalypse babies in da house!) and triage was especially swamped.  Given the crowd, they are booking an induction date for me in case we need it.  I'm hoping we don't.

*The scheduling of the sprinkler work was not my idea.  The process started around Labor Day and they should have gotten to our unit by the end of September.  Unfortunately, there have been a lot of hiccups in the process and they've only gotten to us this week.

39 Weeks

I'm alive and fine.  Baby is still on the inside.  I just haven't had much to say in the last month.  I think about stuff to write and feel terribly guilty for not posting more often, but it's like I only have little things to say and then it's not worth it and then I go hide.

What's been happening?

-My office had an extremely low-key shower for me with cake and a few gifts.  It was really nice and I appreciated my co-workers accommodating my wishes about not having a huge blowout party.  These gifts happened to be the first baby items that we brought into our house, so that was a big thrill too.

-My sister and my BFF threw a Celebration of Awesome for me in lieu of a shower.  This was a gathering of the women in my family at a local hotel for a high tea and we had a wonderful time.

-I have it on good authority from several people that based on the way that I'm carrying/the baby's heartrate/the date of conception/the angle of Venus that the baby is definitely a boy/girl.  I am confident that the baby is a boy/girl.

-The baby dropped about 2 weeks ago in order to spare me the horrible heartburn (or, cause you know that's how anatomy works) and now I just feel like a 10 lb. (uneducated guesstimate, whatever it's heavy) weight is swinging between my legs when I'm walking.

-In other "Holy Crap, This Might Be Real, But Let's Not Tempt Fate" news, I have set up the Pack 'n' Play in our bedroom and my sister's boyfriend, a fireman, came over to install our car seat for us.  I am now driving around with an infant seat in my car.  I am praying that the fates are appeased by JD and I stubbing our toes on the much-larger-than-it-seemed-in-the-store Pack 'n' Play every time we walk by.  Prior to getting the car seat installed, we took the car to the car wash and they vaccuumed out the inside of the car and then we got to ride through the car wash and it's so beautiful now I don't even want to drive it.  Yes, I'm 5.

-Our house is a mess.  We are hopeless clutterers.  One day the crap will drown me in a tidal wave of junk mail and spare computer cables.  JD does not think my solution of burning down the house is a good idea (probably because he refuses to abandon our clutter-filled ways and/or wants to avoid being labeled an "arsonist."  He's small-minded like that).  Also, the front of the house has a weird smell that I'm pretty sure is not me because wouldn't I then smell the smell wherever I went and I don't so I think it's something in the house.  The smell might be from our houseplant; I don't think it's from stinkbugs cause they have a different smell.  I don't think we're hoarders, but I'm not as diligent as I could be about cleaning up and maintaining and JD won't do anything involving cleaning unless I'm cleaning at the exact same time (sometimes not even then).  I haven't found a solution yet, but I am ever hopeful.

-I love the show "Fringe."  I feel so good knowing that I hung in there through the stupid period because the show would come back to a place of even more awesome and it did.  I don't know why I'm still watching "Grey's" as it entered the stupid period long ago and it looks as if it'll never return.

-Will try to post more soon, even if it's just little things.  I've been following everyone's blogs, just not commenting very often.

I'm Not Discounting Ebola Yet

Finally back from all the High Holiday hoopla and the Bataan Death March that was our tour of the hospital where (knock on wood) we'll be delivering  [the maternity ward is a very short walk, but they made us hike over to the hospital wing 4,000 miles away where they'll be storing overflow post-partum cases.  They are anticipating an overflow due to all the babies who are about to be born because Keyzer Snowze happened 9 months ago, and apparently people who have sex during blizzards get babies.  (Silly rabbit, that's what cures IF)].

I had my second appointment yesterday with my new practice of midwives and it went really well.  Blood pressure is good; weight is good; baby is head down and is measuring right on time.  I'm spilling a little glucose, but the nurse thinks that's more attributable to the Starbucks Hot Chocolate I had yesterday morning, then anything to really worry about.

I also got a flu shot.  About three hours later, my throat started hurting and I started feeling really congested.  I've never had this kind of reaction to the flu shot before, so I'm thinking it's just the coincidental onset of a cold.  Or Ebola.  Cause you never know.  Now I have to hunt down whoever gave me this cold/Ebola  and kill them, since that's a proportional response.  (I just heard one of the admins coughing, so he and my MIL (who's had a cold since Rosh Hashanah) are now the prime suspects).

Speaking of the lack of proportional responses, my MIL and SIL seem bound and determined to keep me in the middle of their never-ending battle, with each complaining about the other to me.  I think they are both acting like immature hotheads, and I mean that in the most diplomatic way possible.  I do think that each of them would benefit from actually learning the lesson that it's possible to convey the same message in many different ways, some more offensive than others.  Given what I think is the generalized lack of understanding of conversational and social cues from undiagnosed and untreated Asperger's going on here, it's unlikely that either will learn this lesson, and that both people will invariably select the most offensive statement to use on any given occasion.

In other news, as I discussed with Calliope, LJ and Mel the other day, I'm now having nightmares related to my worries about SIL and her crazy intolerant very strong opinions on everything hand washing and the fact that her immediate family does not use any antibacterial products (which I'm OK with) and does not wash their hands with soap (which I'm not OK with).  One of the bloggers on Who Wants to Know recently did a post on these signs that you hang on a stroller or car seat to discourage random people with unwashed hands from touching the baby.  A little extreme?  Perhaps.  Would SIL respect the sign or my requests?  Given her previous behavior, that's a bit doubtful.  Suggestions for how to handle this would be appreciated.

Best Wishes for the New Year

After taking a realistic look (brought on by a vent of crazy) at the list of what I was going to make for the holidays and the list of what I would be able to make for the holidays, I severely pared down my cooking to-do list.  (Let us not mention that I now have ingredients for the former list sitting in my pantry -- maybe I'll cook some more next week).  Thank goodness that both my mother and MIL are understanding women whose price is beyond rubies.

Just wanted to take a moment before tonight to wish everyone a sweet and happy new year.  The poem below always moves me, so I like to include it each year in my new year greetings.

In the new year which now begins, these are my wishes for you:


May you experience no earthquakes, no hurricanes, no floods, and no dinnertime phone solicitations.
And if they come, may you have a flashlight, a radio, a cell phone, water, food, and a siddur [prayer book] ready, just in case.

May you see a good play, hear a great opera, and see no flashing police lights behind you.

May strangers greet you with smiles, and little children with sticky kisses.

May you have enough wealth to be able to give to tzedakah [charity], and enough left over to provide you with necessities:

May you have bread to eat and cake as well,

May you have a roof over your head and clothing to wear,
And may you help provide them for the hungry, the homeless and the ragged.

May your stocks come back,
And may your bank stay open,
And may your interest rate fall,
And may the IRS leave you a full 30% of what you earn to call your own.

May you banish all thoughts and conversations about the coming elections
For these next ten days,
So that you avoid fights with members of your family and your friends,
And may you remember that, no matter who is elected,
According to Hebrew National,
They all have to answer to a Higher Authority.

May you forgive the candidates for what they say about each other,
And may you remember that no one is as perfect as he claims to be,
And no one is as terrible as his opponent claims he is,
And forget the promises that they all make -- because they will, as soon as they are elected.

May you be able to decipher your electric bill, your telephone bills, your credit card bill, and your income tax forms,
And the tiny, tiny print at the bottom of all these documents,
Which says in essence that they don't mean what is written above in big print.


May you live long enough to be able to drive automobiles which do not run on fossil fuels.
And may this happen before you become an old fossil yourself.


May those of us who drive SUVs be blessed with enough wealth
To be able to fill them with gasoline enough,
To get to the corner store and back,
And may we not have to choose between having enough money with which to buy gas with which to get to the grocery store,
And having enough money with which to buy groceries when we get there.
And may our children, for the sake of whom we bought these vehicles in the first place
Never yell or fight but sit quietly buckled up, with their hands folded,
And never once ask us: Are we there yet?


May you learn how to control your television set,
And may you learn to cope with all the new buttons on the controls,
And may there be something worth watching when you finally figure out how to start your TV.

May neither you, nor your computer, ever be infected by a virus.

May peace reign over Israel,
And may its children not have to sleep in bomb shelters any longer,
And may all of its leaders, like Natan Sharansky, be people who have gone to prison BEFORE they ascended to high office, and not afterwards.

May the world become safe to live in for all of G-D's children,
And may some parents learn that it is not necessary to strap explosives onto the bodies of their children in order to attain paradise,
But that instead paradise can be found here on earth, if people will only learn to live together in peace.


May you stop rushing long enough to realize
How blessed we are
To be able to enjoy this amazing planet on which we live,
And may we try hard not to spoil it.


And whether you pray in the words of the machzor [a Hebrew prayer book],
Or in your own words,
May you feel the presence of G-D around you,
And may you love your G-D, with all your heart, and all your soul, and all your might,
And may you know that G-D loves you too,
And may G-D give you a shana tova u'metukah,
A good and a sweet new year.


Amen.
--Rabbi Jacob Pressman

I Heart Lists

Because I just can't go into how infuriating my OB's office is (current threat level: firebombing = proportional response), I present you with a List of The New Classics as seen on books i done read.  I've probably done this before, but I heart lists.

If there's any that I haven't read that you recommend, let me know!

THE NEW CLASSICS

1. The Road , Cormac McCarthy

2. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, J.K. Rowling
3. Beloved, Toni Morrison
4. The Liars' Club, Mary Karr
5. American Pastoral, Philip Roth
6. Mystic River, Dennis Lehane
7. Maus, Art Spiegelman
8. Selected Stories, Alice Munro
9. Cold Mountain, Charles Frazier
10. The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, Haruki Murakami
11. Into Thin Air, Jon Krakauer
12. Blindness, José Saramago
13. Watchmen, Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons
14. Black Water, Joyce Carol Oates
15. A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, Dave Eggers
16. The Handmaid's Tale, Margaret Atwood
17. Love in the Time of Cholera, Gabriel García Márquez
18. Rabbit at Rest, John Updike
19. On Beauty, Zadie Smith
20. Bridget Jones's Diary, Helen Fielding
21. On Writing, Stephen King
22. The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, Junot Díaz
23. The Ghost Road, Pat Barker
24. Lonesome Dove, Larry McMurtry
25. The Joy Luck Club, Amy Tan
26. Neuromancer, William Gibson
27. Possession, A.S. Byatt
28. Naked, David Sedaris
29. Bel Canto, Anne Patchett
30. Case Histories, Kate Atkinson
31. The Things They Carried, Tim O'Brien
32. Parting the Waters, Taylor Branch
33. The Year of Magical Thinking, Joan Didion
34. The Lovely Bones, Alice Sebold
35. The Line of Beauty, Alan Hollinghurst
36. Angela's Ashes, Frank McCourt
37. Persepolis, Marjane Satrapi
38. Birds of America, Lorrie Moore
39. Interpreter of Maladies, Jhumpa Lahiri
40. His Dark Materials, Philip Pullman
41. The House on Mango Street, Sandra Cisneros
42. LaBrava, Elmore Leonard
43. Borrowed Time, Paul Monette
44. Praying for Sheetrock, Melissa Fay Greene
45. Eva Luna, Isabel Allende
46. Sandman, Neil Gaiman
47. World's Fair, E.L. Doctorow
48. The Poisonwood Bible, Barbara Kingsolver
49. Clockers, Richard Price
50. The Corrections, Jonathan Franzen
51. The Journalist and the Murderer, Janet Malcom
52. Waiting to Exhale, Terry McMillan
53. The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay, Michael Chabon
54. Jimmy Corrigan, Chris Ware
55. The Glass Castle, Jeannette Walls
56. The Night Manager, John le Carré
57. The Bonfire of the Vanities, Tom Wolfe
58. Drop City, TC Boyle
59. Krik? Krak! Edwidge Danticat
60. Nickel & Dimed, Barbara Ehrenreich
61. Money, Martin Amis
62. Last Train To Memphis, Peter Guralnick
63. Pastoralia, George Saunders
64. Underworld, Don DeLillo
65. The Giver, Lois Lowry
66. A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again, David Foster Wallace
67. The Kite Runner, Khaled Hosseini
68. Fun Home, Alison Bechdel
69. Secret History, Donna Tartt
70. Cloud Atlas, David Mitchell
71. The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down, Ann Fadiman
72. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, Mark Haddon
73. A Prayer for Owen Meany, John Irving
74. Friday Night Lights, H.G. Bissinger
75. Cathedral, Raymond Carver
76. A Sight for Sore Eyes, Ruth Rendell
77. The Remains of the Day, Kazuo Ishiguro
78. Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert
79. The Tipping Point, Malcolm Gladwell
80. Bright Lights, Big City, Jay McInerney
81. Backlash, Susan Faludi
82. Atonement, Ian McEwan
83. The Stone Diaries, Carol Shields
84. Holes, Louis Sachar
85. Gilead, Marilynne Robinson
86. And the Band Played On, Randy Shilts
87. The Ruins, Scott Smith
88. High Fidelity, Nick Hornby
89. Close Range, Annie Proulx
90. Comfort Me With Apples, Ruth Reichl
91. Random Family, Adrian Nicole LeBlanc
92. Presumed Innocent, Scott Turow
93. A Thousand Acres, Jane Smiley
94. Fast Food Nation, Eric Schlosser
95. Kaaterskill Falls, Allegra Goodman
96. The Da Vinci Code, Dan Brown
97. Jesus’ Son, Denis Johnson
98. The Predators' Ball, Connie Bruck
99. Practical Magic, Alice Hoffman
100. America (the Book), Jon Stewart/Daily Show

A Change Is Gonna Come - We Think

I saw my doc on Monday for my 30-week (yikes!) appointment.  Everything looks good, and I even managed to lose 4 lbs.  The weight loss is likely due to a slight return of nausea over the past two-week period.  My doc had warned me previously that this could occur in women who've had hyperemesis and that I should take the Zofran pills on an as-needed basis.  Most of my nausea was eased by a cup of tea and longer naps; there was really only one day where I needed the Zofran to get me out of the cycle.

I also went over our preferences for the birth with my doc.  JD and I are both hoping to have as "natural" a birth as possible, i.e., one that is as unmedicated as possible.  Our doc was mostly willing to work within our preferences, but absolutely balked on the question of external electronic fetal monitoring (EFM).  Apparently, the policy of our hospital and of our doctor (who only works out of this one hospital) is to have the mother on continuous EFM from the time she walks in.  At our hospital, this means that mom cannot get out of bed while she's in labor.  (Other hospitals have the capability to do wireless EFM, so that moms can move around, change positions, and even take a bath while remaining monitored; it's just that our hospital does not have this capability).

In our research and through our Bradley Method classes, JD and I have learned techniques to cope with labor and almost all involve being able to move freely and change positions as needed to encourage an easier labor and easier delivery.  It seems like we're at a deal breaker with our doctor, which just stinks.  If our doc delivered at any other hospital in the area, we could go on the wireless EFM and that would be fine with me.  But we can't, so it's time to investigate other options, even at this late stage in the game.

I contacted a local midwifery practice that delivers at a hospital only 30 or so minutes from us.  The nurse was pretty sure that they'd be able to take me on; I just have to go through a phone consult with one of the midwives to make sure that I'm not high-risk for their practice (I'm not).

Once that's done, they'll want me to meet all of the midwives in the practice, and I need to make sure that I get my records transferred over at least 3 business days before they meet with me.  The nurse highly recommended that I call my doc's office to inquire about their policy for transferring my records and the doc's office manager said, "Well, you have to give us at least 30 days, although we usually get it done before that."  WHAT?!  3 days vs. 30 days.  After looking at my records though, the office manager said it shouldn't take really long to get them together, since I only started with the practice during this pregnancy.

Still, before they start copying the records, they need a letter from me releasing me from their care.  I'm not ready to do that yet, because I don't know if the midwives will take me on.

I also didn't want my doc to know that I was thinking about changing practices until after the decision was made and I could write a letter explaining that I loved her, but that the EFM issue was a deal breaker for me (maybe this would give her leverage with the hospital).  This stinks.

I think I may have to get a little lawyer-y with the office manager and tell her I want a copy of my medical records for my personal records.  It's called HIPPAA, dude, I'm pretty sure I'm allowed to get my files cause they're MY files.

Anybody have any other ideas or experience in dealing with this?

27 Weeks

Just wanted to update on some stuff, so this post will be all over the place.

So, last week I thought I was having preterm labor, but it turns out that I was just on the toilet for so long that my digestive system started cramping.  I'm figuring (from the soreness) that I did the equivalent of 13 million situps, so you know, it's all good.

My mom and BFF have been helping me declutter my house most weekends and we've really been accomplishing a lot.  No before pictures, just imagine Theo Huxtable's room when he was in junior high.  I now have access to a sliding glass door that had been blocked with stuff, and we can now see carpet in the bedrooms!  We threw out a ton of stuff and were able to donate many huge bags of clothing and household items to Goodwill.  Mom and BFF each deserve gold stars!

Work has been really stressful lately, as I try to complete Mission Impossible.  Today I just completely broke down in tears and it was hard for me to calm down.  I think that I have been trying to do too much all by myself, and I really needed to ask for help earlier.  I now have some more help on the project and my boss was able to relax on the deadline when he realized just how much work this mission comprises.

I gained 6 pounds from Month 5 to Month 6, and my doc really wanted me to make sure that I not gain as much in subsequent months.  I've been trying to be really conscious of my food choices and increase my activity level, and I think I've only gained 2 lbs this month!  Hopefully, I can keep making good choices the rest of the pregnancy.

Tomorrow is my sister's birthday!  Yay her!  We got her an awesome gift, if I do say so myself; I just hope that it arrives on time.  :)

70,000

No, it's not the number of days since I posted.  It's the mileage on my car right now.  I was able to watch it turn from 69,999 to 70,000 on my way to work this morning.  It was a thrill.  :)

Nothing much going on here; I think that's a good thing.  Currently at 25 weeks and baby has decided that if it presses its fist as hard as it can against the side of my belly for an extended period of time, that it will "break on through to the other side."  So far the baby isn't listening to me, so I may be giving birth to a teenager.  Here's some bullet points for your amusement:

-Last weekend, we went up to see JD's family and, true to form, my SIL could not keep herself from making some truly obnoxious and hateful statements.  As I told JD later, this is sad in two ways.  First, the family is close and I'd love to have a good relationship with SIL.  I'm settling for guarded but cordial, and the fact that I'm settling stinks.  Second, if it were any other person, I'd just have nothing to do with them, but because this is JD's sister, I can't just totally avoid her or think of her as having died in some freak napalming incident.  That stinks too.

-This week, JD and I visited our preferred choice for a daycare center and everything went well.  Something had to, eventually, right?  I mean, it's the law of averages.

-Today, the junk company is coming to take away some large pieces of furniture that were living in what will be the baby's room.  The company recycles or donates the vast majority of the stuff that they collect, so I felt good knowing that the usable things (as opposed to JD's desk made of sawdust which won't last a move of 2 inches) wouldn't just end up in a landfill.  I would've preferred to have Goodwill or a similar organization get the stuff directly, but the charities in my area won't pickup from an apartment.  I figure I'm paying for the convenience of getting it all out at one time.

-I also had a freak out this week while researching pediatricians.  Saw the schedule for recommended vaccinations and my eyes almost fell out of my head.  It really seems like a lot of shots.  I got The Vaccine Book from the library, so I'll be going through that to start some initial research.  I'm also going to schedule an info session with the pediatrician group near us that I've found.  I'm pro-vaccine, particularly considering that the baby will be in daycare, but I'm concerned about the multiple shots for multiple diseases in very short periods of time.  Opinions/suggestions welcome here.

-The other thing I've started working on this week is getting us and The Boy signed up for some training on introducing dog and baby.  I still need to make appointments for the 1-hour glucose test (hooray) and a fetal scan at 28 weeks to get an estimated weight.  This last scan was recommended by my doctor as measuring fundal height on me (and my upper and lower bellies) won't be at all accurate for judging the size of the baby.

I'm being swamped at work, so I'll end this here.  Hope y'all are doing well.

Two and a Half Hours

Which of the following best describes two and a half hours?

A.)  The average amount of time Jendeis spends at any one point in the bathroom nowadays.
B.)  The amount of time Jendeis and her mom spent at Mega Baby Superstore just looking at strollers.
C.)  The amount of time in a day that Jendeis is not either eating or sleeping.
D.)  All of the above.

Of course, D is the correct answer, but can you believe that B is correct?  Two and a half hours, people!  Just strollers!!

Based on prior experience, the plan was that me and my mom go initially and narrow the list down to a couple of finalists.  Then, I'll bring JD in and we'll make the final pick together.

Thank goodness that it was just me and my mom. I'm quite certain that if JD and I had gone together it would have turned into some sort of pregnancy/hunger hormone-induced steel cage match.  One of us would not have come out alive.

So, my mom and I spent two and half hours discussing the pros and cons and operations of several strollers amongst ourselves and with a very helpful (and patient) saleswoman, Shari.  The worst part of it is that despite all that time learning how to collapse the strollers and put them back together and put in the infant seat and take out the infant seat that I've completely forgotten all that information and will have to learn it all over again. 


Have decided that I'll need to make instructional stickers for us to emblazon all over the things to remind us how to do it.  Alternatively (or maybe in addition), I want Shari to make a YouTube video that I can refer to every time I have to do something with the stroller.  That's reasonable and not at all insane, right?  Right?

Fate, Don't Listen

Fate, don't listen to me, because I'm actively not tempting you right now.  The nausea has been improving.  So long as I eat something small every 1.5 - 2 hours, I seem to feel OK.  Bathroom issues also seem to be under control.  (Hey Fate!  I'm not tempting you or counting chickens or anything similar, so go somewhere else, OK?)

If things keep going like this, we're going to start weaning me off the pump this coming Monday.  We're going to wean really slowly, so I'm hoping that will minimize my body's need to feel vomitous 24/7.

Since things have been improving, I'm also trying to get back onto vitamins.  We're going with 2 Flintstones a day -- today I had Fred and Wilma.  Flintstones are especially appropriate in my case as, when I was growing up, I believed that the Flintstones were based on my parents (minus the talking prehistoric animals).

In cleaning the house progress, we removed two plastic shopping bags from the Room and went through them.  I designated what should be given away, trashed/shredded, or kept.  Those piles are currently in the living room.  This seems terribly inefficient.  We used to have two shopping bags full of stuff in a room -- now we have piles of stuff all over the living room.  I'm unclear as to when exactly we'll be removing these piles, so I'm thinking this ain't as good as it could be. 

Going to go put in a load of laundry, then we're going to get a new cooling pad for the laptop.  It's an exciting life, people!

I Turned 33 And Didn't Throw Up

Not graphic, but short discussion of nausea below; followed by talk of tickers

Most of last week and this were marked by Nausea: In Extremis; with Monday being the absolute worst.  Thankfully, I have not thrown up yet.  I'm concerned that if I do throw up that my body will learn of that option and that I'll just never stop.  Keeping fingers crossed that my body does not learn of the option.

I went to the acupuncturist yesterday and that helped immensely.  I was nausea-free the entire session and for about 40 minutes afterward.  My nausea has been pretty mild this morning, so that's wonderful.  I'm certainly going back for more (acupuncture, not nausea) next week.  I'm also going to start seeing the nutritionist again, because I'm finding it hard to include fruits & veggies (and I miss them).

It was my birthday yesterday and my family celebrated with me by going out to a nice dinner with elaborate dishes and sauces.  I celebrated with a plain, grilled chicken breast and buttered egg noodles.  It was wonderful.

I broke down and ordered Preggie Pop Drops, and, since I can't find any of my Sea Bands (acupressure wristbands for motion sickness), a new set of those.  Here's hoping.

Tickers
During this IF journey, I've often been jealous of others' pregnancy tickers and dreamed of the day when I could install my own on my blog.  Now is my chance to have my own ticker, but I've been too afraid of triggering some Evil Eye by posting such.  Instead, I've been going to the site every single day to watch the ticker progress.

Well, I'm going to take the plunge, but will have the ticker at the bottom of the blog so that I don't scare myself or others.  If you want to look, please do.  I'll be peeking through my fingers.

You Thought I Was Crazy Before?

I'm quite certain that my crazy has expanded exponentially the past few days, but I think I've succeeded at keeping it internalized, or at the very least, keeping the crazy worries to myself.

Feel free to skip this list of lists of current concerns (now in new and improved anal-retentive outline form!), but know that if you skip it, you're missing a lot of mocking and schadenfreude opportunities:

I.)  My House Is A Giant Mess and We're All Gonna Die
    A.)  My house is terribly, terribly cluttered.  Would it be easier to just move?  Forget selling the current house, just moving.
    B.)  We have a second bedroom that is going to be the baby's room, but currently serves as:
           1.)  JD's cave (which he doesn't spend time in since he got his laptop, but is, nonetheless, stuffed with all his crap, including the closet);
           2.)  Main storage area;
           3.)  Guestroom;
         which boils down to making me feel like moving is the better option.
    C.)  Where did all this crap come from?  Firebombing is starting to sound like a good idea.

II.)  I'm an IFer and Am Unable to Relax About Anything
       A.)  General concerns about every twitch and ache, wondering if they spell miscarriage or just gas.
       B.)  Worries that I'm gaining pounds by the second since the only thing that stops nausea is eating.  Saltines are working right now, but isn't that a lot of carbs?  Maybe too many carbs?  I haven't hurled yet, but I've been close a couple times.  The nausea is pretty constant, but most times I can will it to a dull roar.
       C.)  Need to exercise again, but can I really use the Wii Fit?  Will start walking again, damnit.
       D.)  Think that homebirth may be the right thing for me (right now, it all depends on my health and the baby's health), but am concerned about these issues:
              1.) Will I be too loud in our condo while laboring?  (Maybe we should move?)
              2.) Will the midwife be sympathetic to an IF couple and their concerns?
              3.)  Need to reread Nina Planck's Real Food for Mother & Baby, but am in the middle of another book and I should really finish that one first, but every time I'm reading the other book, I'm thinking of how I need to read the Planck book.
      E.)  What if I get so big that I can't wipe my own ass?
      F.)  What if I kill someone because they say/do something stupid?  What if that is JD?  My MIL?  My SIL?  Random passersby?
      G.)  Is there any way for me to lose weight so that I will look like a cute pregnant person with an actual baby bump, and not someone who's just fat and gotten fatter?

III.  Miscellaneous Worries
       A.)  My hair looks bad (need to get my highlights retouched, like NOW) and feels like straw.
       B.)  I don't feel that I look my best right now and I feel sad about that.
       C.)  JD refuses to get me anything on my Amazon wishlist for my birthday because he "doesn't like any of those ideas."  Hello?!  I'm the one who wants those things!  He's a bum.
       D.)  Passover is in a little over a month and I'm screwed.  House needs to get cleaned and need to get rid of four tons (ok, maybe just 4 lbs) of flour and yeast.  Will need to bake bread 24/7.  Must quit job in order to bake bread.
       E.)  Some guy was driving around the John Mayer concert last night with megaphones attached to his car, screaming about how John Mayer is a "bigoted racist."  Does anyone know what this is in reference to?

Other than that, I'm actually being pretty calm about all this.  :)
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Now Playing on WJEN:  "Birdhouse In Your Soul" by They Might Be Giants

WJEN - on your FM dial

A recent conversation (before the beta)...

Jendeis: You know how I hear music in my head all the time?

JD: Okaaay.

Jendeis: When I'm pregnant, do you think that the baby can hear the music?

JD: Um...

Jendeis: You know, cause I can hear the music inside me and the baby would be inside me.  Is it like internal radio?  Is it like the baby is listening to WJEN?

JD: Well, I don't think...

Jendeis: Because I'm starting to worry that that's the case, and if we're pregnant this cycle, then I think our child came into being during a very long marathon of "Who Let the Dogs Out?".

JD: I don't think that biology works that way, hon.

Jendeis: But it almost doesn't matter if there's no internal radio, because every time I think about "Who Let the Dogs Out?", I wind up humming it or whistling it and the baby would definitely be able to hear that, right?

JD: You used to say sane things.  I miss that.

Keyser Snowsze

The title was my favorite name in the running for the current snowstorms.  I think it was beaten out by Snowpacolypse or Snowmageddon, but I like the goth feel of Keyser Snowsze.
______________________________
I'm in my office today for the first time since last Wednesday.  It was really nice to have a break, but I had to get out of the house to get away from JD (who is still home from work).

We got a little over 29 inches by us, which I (90% me, 10% JD) shoveled off of my car and parking spot pretty quickly.  I went out for about 30 minutes on Saturday and then did another 45 minutes on Sunday and I was done!  I was motivated for bagels and also because BFF's dog had surgery last Thursday and was not doing well.  (She is since doing better - major thanks to SIL who thought to have us give the dog some Pepcid!).

JD did 5 minutes of shovelling on his own car (he wouldn't let me do anything).  So far, you can see the back of his car, but cannot get into the car.  (Apparently, bagels are not motivating factor for JD).  This car, currently encased in 29" of snow, is about to get another 20" thrown at it.  We may see JD's car moving again around April.
______________________________
This 2ww really hasn't been all that bad, basically because I think it's not gonna work.  Right now, I'm just going through the motions of the wait and waiting for my period/negative beta so we can get to another cycle and then hopefully, one that will work.

I am really dizzy right now.  The reason for this is:

A) I'm pregnant. (Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.  Excuse me while I die laughing)
B) My body is fucking with me.
C) Differentials in air pressure in my office.
D) Not enough caffeine in the hot chocolate this morning.
E) Any of or a combination thereof of B, C and/or D, but certainly not A.
______________________________
My unfulfilled due date is coming up soon - Saturday, to be exact.  I've been feeling pretty down about it, but I'm trying to hide it from JD.  If I remind him of it, he'll go all Sarah Bernhardt on me and I just can't deal with his DRAMA right now.

BFF and I came up with a plan to light candles for Shabbat on Friday night and to use that ritual internally as a memorial.
______________________________
Since I worked on MLK Day, I get to take off for President's Day.  Getting inspiration from Mel, JD and I will be spending the 3-day weekend in Hershey, PA (assuming Keyser Snowsze doesn't blow it for us).  I will hopefully be getting a chocolate massage, going to a chocolate brunch and will definitely be going to a hockey game on Valentine's Day.  Yay, chocolate!