Monday, July 6, 2009

Holiday Weekend

The weekend was fine overall. Some of the highlights/notables follow:

-I'm not a huge fan of driving over bridges. I have this fear that I will go crazy and drive off the side of the bridge. Yes, I'm crazy. Anyways, based on where we went through the E-Z Pass lane, I had to drive on the one lane of the westbound bridge that was going eastbound. AAAHHH! I was pretty nervous, but doing OK with my breathing exercises and JD saying, "You're OK. You're OK. You're OK." Well, I was OK until my eyes started tearing up, I got sunscreen in my eyes and was blinded. I started screaming, "I can't see! I can't see!" JD grabbed the wheel and ripped off his shirt so that I could use it to wipe my eyes. Thank G-D he was there. I would've crashed into oncoming traffic or off the bridge otherwise.

-About 15 minutes after the bridge fiasco, The Boy goes crazy and starts running all over the car. JD and I are both "What the heck?!" The Boy jumps onto my lap and, as JD pulls him back over to his own lap, The Boy proceeds to poop on my left leg, the steering wheel, my right leg, the gear shift and JD's legs. Ew. Ewww. Ewwwww!!!! We were able to stop at a gas station a couple of miles down the road and clean up the car and ourselves.

-Dr. Chai was content to let me stay off the drugs while I felt that I was responding rationally and this weekend was really my test of that. Big FAIL. I was so filled with anxiety on Thursday that my mother said that she could actually see me shaking with stress. I felt like I was vibrating. After bursting into tears on Friday morning because my open suitcase had spilled out onto the floor (I thought it was closed when I moved it), I decided, along with the counsel of family and BFF, to get back on the drugs. The suitcase incident was followed by worry that BFF's boyfriend didn't like me because there weren't enough beds at the beach place and an incident with my mother because I felt that she liked everyone else better than me. It's not all in my head; what I mean is, there are actual examples I can point to, to show why I start thinking in a certain way, it's just that my head misinterprets and misjudges and just makes everything worse. My mother and I have talked about it and I feel better now. I am back on the drugs now and hoping for "normal" reactions soon.

-We had lots of wonderful things to eat all weekend. I read a lot. We got to see real fireworks! Not the lame-o ones that JD, wannabe pyro, sets off at inappropriately late hours, angering the neighbors, but a government-sponsored fireworks display! Yay!

-I don't feel like I was able to relax enough, but am hoping to do so soon.


Anonymous said...

I am sorry you had a stressful weekend of sorts. That being said, you made me almost choke on my popcorn, I was laughing so hard at your first two points. I have to tell you - I feel the same way over bridges...I cannot believe I have heard someone else verbalize what I have felt - and yes, I feel crazy when I think like that.

Leah said...

I am with you about the Bay Bridge. If I realized I was about to drive eastbound over the westbound span, I would just come to a screeching, dramatic, dangerous halt right in the middle of the fucking road. That freaks me out to be a passenger with oncoming traffic on that bridge, I would never make it as a driver!

I genuinely laughed out loud at the dog poop story. I probably wasn't supposed to be laughing but damn it was funny because I could kind of picture it in my head.

Sorry to hear the drug free experiment didn't go well. Hope you are back on the juice and feeling nice and calm.


Anonymous said...

wow...sounds like quite a weekend. I hope you have rest in your immediate future. :)

Bridges (and driving next to big trucks) are not my favorite driving experiences, either. So sorry about the freak-outs.

You have to admit, they do sound kind of funny, though...especially the dog poop one...but I REALLY don't envy you THAT cleanup experience! :)

Hillary said...

Wow, sorry for the stressful weekend. :( I don't like bridges, either, and have almost no experience driving over when I do I am a ball of nerves as well.

Me said...

Wow that weekend doesn't sound that relaxing at all. I'm sorry. Hope the meds help you out!

annacyclopedia said...

Hoping for some good relaxation, more calm, rational thought processes and a lot less dog poop in your very near future!

Io said...

I saw "vibrating" and "open suitcase had spilled out onto the floor" as I was scrolling down and my brain went to making up a story about your vibrator spilling out in front of everyone.