Downtrodden

"HELP! I'm being oppressed!" That's one of my favorite lines from Monty Python (also, one of the only ones I know).

Went back to Weight Watchers today - the first time since getting back from vacation. I gained 3 pounds. It stinks. Yes, I was on vacation for a week. Yes, AF was visiting. It still stinks, though. Pouring organic sea salt into the wound was another celebration of a woman making lifetime member by losing a whopping 21 pounds. Twenty-one freaking pounds, people!

What was the ticket for her? Exercise and not eating crap. Thanks, ma'am. Yeah, she's one of those people who have a problem with the food that they are eating, not with eating in general. She is not an IT-getter.

One of the reasons that I generally love the WW meeting I attend is that the leader and the assistants are all IT-getters. They've all lost lots of weight (out of the 5, I think the smallest amount lost was 75 lbs) and been able to maintain that loss for years. The leader lost 115 lbs! She's awesome. I very much admire her.

Anyways, I was just so down the whole meeting and then when I came home I just broke down, sobbing, all the pain deep in my soul coming in these body-wracking gasps and moans. John Dear tried to be helpful and comforting - he really is a dear. He even made The Boy come sit with me and give me doggy kisses.

This 40 pounds might as well be 40,000. It just seems like it will never come off, we'll never be able to do treatments and we'll never have a baby. It all just stinks right now.

"Everything is horrible. I'm really depressed. I'm really downtrodden. I'm downtrodden squared. Boo hoo. Boo hoo. Boo hoo. The whole world is doomed. Yeah, we're all gonna die!" -- Denis Leary

I'm just trying to pick myself up and get back to the basics of the program. My fitness goal this week is to exercise every day from Sunday - Thursday. My food goal is to record everything I'm eating this week. Hopefully, it will make a difference.

Book Review - The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay

I was eager to read this book because I really enjoyed Michael Chabon's latest, The Yiddish Policemen's Union. Plus, K&C won the Pulitzer Prize, so you'd think this book should be as amazing as the title says.

Was it good? Yes with hesitancy. I really enjoyed the story and the characters - for the first half of the book. The first half of the book was tightly packed and concise, much like the comic books that the title characters are responsible for. Then it seemed like the book ran away from the author and just travelled all over the place. Threads unravelled and were loosely knotted together.

There didn't seem to be a reason for much of the whirlwind activity in the second half of the book - a pregnancy, an abandonment, a betrayal, true lives unlived. Even one of the title characters stresses the importance of the story and their relation to character motivation. Maybe he was speaking to the author?

I suppose the unravelling of the story matches the unravelling of the world around these characters in and around World War II. It's not that I was looking for a happy ending, just one that made sense in the story. It seems as if the author got through 800 pages of a story and then said, well, the book ran away from me, so I better just wrap it up now.

I liked it, but it wouldn't be the first on my recommendations list.

647

Answer: The number of unread posts waiting for me when I got back from vacation.

You internets have been busy while I've been gone.

Reading, reading, reading.

Happy Anniversary

We're sunburned and exhausted from our hike up Diamond Head, but happy to be together for another year. Today's plans include: breakfast, lounging by the pool underneath an umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh, lunch, more lounging by the pool underneath a burka (or lead shield), tea w/ pastries, nap, special dinner.

View at sunset from Rt. 99 driving northeast towards the North Shore of Oahu

Aloha

Yeah. That's right. Arrive in Honolulu at 9:30 PM (that's 3:30 in the morning our time), to find that John Dear's bag had safely made the trip, but that mine was still on the ground back in DC. I was none too thrilled.

The hotel is beautiful and I'll be posting pics upon my return if not sooner.

UPDATE: Bag arrived at 3:30 PM when JD and I returned from our couples' massage. Yay!

Visits

The past few days have been spent catching up with friends who live far away. Yay! I love when people visit!

A, a friend from law school, was down here for a couple days to visit with friends and family, as well as do some stuff for work. It was sooo good to see her! We wound up spending about 3 1/2 hours sitting outside a Starbucks talking about anything and everything. On Monday night, a bunch of us from law school ate dinner together and had a great time.

Last night, we spent the evening with Roger, home for a few days before he returns to school. As always, it was wonderful and way too short. John Dear's parents wound up walking into the restaurant as we were finishing our meal, so they sat down with us. After JD's parents left, we went back to Roger's house for dessert and hours of talk with Roger and his parents. I had a lovely time, but wish we could just have Roger to ourselves. He is so on the go, I guess all of us in his life feel that way. :)

Things on the home front are going OK; we're getting along well and there have been no arguments. I'm sort of getting antsy about it though, like I'm anticipating a big fight soon. Maybe it's just stress as we get ready for this weekend and vacation.

That's right! We're going on vacation. To Hawaii! I'm so excited! Never been there and we are staying at the hotel from Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Before we leave though, BFF, JD and I will be seeing Maroon 5, Counting Crows and Sara Bareilles. Yay!!

Bliss

Oh yeah. Definitely one of my gaggle of husbands. What am I up to now? 4? 5?

Appreciation

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I appreciate all the kind words and the warnings to back away from the Magic 8 Ball. It's wonderful to know that you are out there pulling for me, and that I'm not alone.

My cup runneth over...

Jung and the Magic 8 Ball

Is it weird that I've never had a racy dream about my husband? Ever? I've had my share and they range from men whose face never quite comes into focus to friends to co-workers to boys who I had a crush on in 6th grade (only in the dream they were grown up, I assure you, I'm not into 12 year old boys).

I recently found a site that does a Gaelic Tarot Card reading (can't find the link anymore). Asked whether John Dear and I would have a baby this year or next, the signs were negative. Of course, when I was thinking of my question, I spent a lot of time revising, so that the English would be correct or so that the cards would know that I was thinking of the year between August 2008 and August 2009, rather than just the year 2008, as it's a little late for that. Maybe the cards were thrown off by my revising? In any event, asked two separate ways, the cards came back with different answers for my future, the Hermit and the Stargazer. Neither of these sounded all too promising.

Spurred on by Antigone's post this morning and Mrs. Spit's helpful link, I determined to ask the Magic 8 Ball whether we might have a baby this year or next. Apparently, signs don't look too good for John Dear and I to have a baby this year or next, but it is likely that I will become pregnant in 2009. Will John Dear be the biological father of the baby? No. Will we use a sperm donor? Unlikely.

Well, how is this going to work Magic 8 Ball? Am I going to have an affair? No. Will I sleep with someone else? Maybe. Will I sleep with unnamed coworker that I had a dream about last night? Very likely. Isn't that an affair, Magic 8 Ball? Plus, he's married, and so am I, so that ain't happening. Magic 8 Ball is stupid.

The rationalist in me (a large part of my mind) is saying, "um, hello? You are actually thinking that the outcome of your life is determined by a computer randomizer?" I know, I know, it's so crazy, and I shouldn't allow myself to get depressed about something so silly, but what if? What if the cards and the Magic 8 Ball are right?

I'm not sure what's going on with me, but things are not right. I'm sleepy all the time, yet I'm sleeping 10-12 hours a night. I'm turning inward and through my own making and the fact that I'm not awake, John Dear drifts further and further away from me.

Actually, the cards and the Magic 8 Ball are right, we won't have a baby this year. I'm unlikely to get pregnant this year too. I have to lose a little over 40 more lbs to do IVF and realistically, I won't be able to drop that before November 2008. Then, LovelyRE says I'll need to go on The Pill and Lupron and all that jazz so that they can control my cycle in order to do IVF. Even if we do get pregnant on our first go round with IVF, we may not even have a baby in 2009.

It seems like everyone else has babies or is pregnant or is at least well on their way to becoming pregnant. I hate this. I hate that I'm too fat to go ahead now. I hate that my husband and I can't have a baby naturally. I hate that my husband has so many illnesses and ailments besides the baby-making related ones. I hate that our very young marriage has had to go through so many trials already. I hate that I've ever had to contemplate divorce. I hate that the fact that my husband and I can't have a baby naturally almost spurs me to dream about scenarios with other men, men who would be able to give me children. I just hate all of this.

UPDATE: Not only am I not able to have a baby, I also can't subtract. I have a little over 30 lbs to lose, not 40.

House Search

Here's the results:

1. John Dear and I need to make more money (or be able to sell our condo) in order to buy the kind of house that we would like to buy.
Our thinking was that we could buy a new house and rent out our condo until the market improved. We may still be able to do this, but we've got a lot of equity in our condo that we wouldn't be able to use in the purchase of a home. This cuts down our options quite a bit (as does the fact that JD is unemployed right now, but let's put that aside).

2. We are not people who could buy a "cute" house. We're just not handy enough.
What's the opposite of handy? Footy? We're footy. We saw a house that really can only be described as a cottage -- very cute, very close to Metro, very small. The house had radiators. We are not handy enough to handle radiators. John Dear almost freaked when he saw the radiators.

We also saw a house with dark blue and green, very thick shag carpets in two of the bedrooms. The realtor didn't even wait for us to ask. She volunteered that the owners had been in the house since it was built (circa 1960s) and the husband had picked out the rug himself and refused to have it removed in order to show the house and its gorgeous hardwood floors.

3. We learned that we need a driveway w/ either a garage or carport. We also need the laundry to be on the ground floor or 2nd floor.
No basement laundries for me! Also, we've lived in too many places where parking was an issue to give up on this point. It shouldn't be that much of a problem in suburbia, but there are actually a lot of homes where we're looking that don't have dedicated spots or garages.

Now, of course, this was just a preliminary trip into house-hunting. We are really just learning what kinds of houses we like, where we want to be, etc. We had a really fun time on Sunday, and I'm looking forward to going out again.

Late Night -- An Olio

Nothing much going on but a little insomnia. Today was a pretty good day. Went to WW early this morning - down 1.8 lbs for the week! I'm getting back on that train. John Dear should be in their ads, he's down 17 lbs total!

A note about the WW meeting: a woman got her lifetime key this morning (meaning that she reached her goal weight and successfully kept within 2 lbs of that goal for at least 6 weeks.) How much weight did she lose to reach her goal? 21. Twenty freaking one pounds! That wasn't her 10% -- no, that was her goal weight! Her goal loss is less than the amount that I have to lose to reach my 10%. I strenuously object, stamp my feet and use that time-honored and prestigious legal argument, "NO FAIR!"

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John Dear went to a movie with his dad this afternoon, so I got the house to myself for a couple of hours. It was heaven! I read an entire book! I put away some of Clean Laundry Mountain! Right now we just have Clean Laundry Foothills to deal with.

Roger (John Dear's best friend and all-around awesome fellow) is coming home soon! Yay! He's been over in Europe all summer, no doubt charming half the continent so much that they will unabashedly follow his peace plan when he becomes Secretary of State in the 2020s. Roger has yet to see us with a clean house, so I'm feeling very motivated to clean.

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Tomorrow, JD and I are going to look at a couple homes for sale in the area. There's nothing concrete, no decisions made, but the traffic that I had to sit in this week is really pushing me to do more investigating on buying a "house-house." We're just going to look at what's out there.

Here's my thoughts on what I'd like in a house-house. 1 mile to the Metro. 1 mile to a synagogue. Convenient to my job.* Good school district. Bedrooms: 3-4; Bathrooms: 2-4. Parking (garage or otherwise).

Here's John Dear's thoughts on what he'd like in a house-house (based on prior conversations): his own game room with computer, video games, arcade consoles, TV and radio so he can play them all at the same time (gotta love the ADD qualities); a secret room that has a pool table in it; a bedroom that is only beds and no floor; pizza. Umm, methinks John Dear wants to be in an episode of Cribs.

*Yeah, it's not that I don't care about whether or not a house-house is convenient to JD's job, just that he doesn't have a job right now and he's worked in every location in the metro area in the past 10 years. We can't really plan our future based on where John Dear works. So, that factor and the price of gas and the agony of traffic here is dictating the nearness to Metro criterion.