Note: I wrote this a couple days ago, but forgot to hit "publish".  So here's what I was thinking about a couple days ago...

I'm still going back and forth between feeling okay-not-great-but-okay and sick, sick, sick.  For the most part, the Zofran is at least allowing me to eat, even if it's not getting me to feeling fine.  Thank G-D for Uncle Ben's 90-second rice pouches. Love 'em!

I'm now throwing up about every other day.  Quick gross tip: don't use a toilet for your vomiting needs.  Use a trash bag.  I've been able to avoid (knock on wood) blowing any blood vessels in my eyes this time around, and I credit it to avoiding the porcelain.

And now for something completely different...LM has officially started swim lessons at the local JCC.  This isn't so much as a swim lesson as a Let's All Get Used to Being in the Water By Singing Songs lesson, but I'll use "swim lesson" for short.  JD went in the water with LM (each child goes in with a parent), and I sat on the sideline with some very pregnant mamas.  I'm so glad JD was there because there is no way I would have been able to stomach all the bouncing in the water.

LM went in the pool a number of times this summer, so we both thought he'd do pretty well.  LM did fine, but got upset a couple times when he saw me and wanted to be with me.  I think that I will skip the lessons from now on, so that LM just stays with Daddy.  Out of sight, out of mind.

The Nanny Adventure

So, I'm still dealing with lots of nausea, but for the most part, the oral Zofran is allowing me to eat.  Since I was already on the pump by this time when I was pregnant with LM, it looks like -- NOT TEMPTING FATE HERE -- we may not enter hyperemesis-land this time around.

Still nausea stinks and I feel guilty that JD has to carry the huge burden of dealing with LM, The Boy, and running our household virtually by himself.  I'm trying to do as much as I can, but that, admittedly, is not all that much.  JD has really been wonderful and hasn't complained a bit.

Since we're all for embarking upon huge adventures simultaneously 'round these parts (see: week of our wedding, when we: bought a house, sold a house, moved, car broke down, SIL broke her foot and got married), we have decided that we're going to have a nanny.

Now, JD and I have been pretty happy with LM in full-time daycare.  We loved the daycare that he attended in Virginia (although the scheduling sometimes stunk), and like the center that LM currently attends in Maryland.  (I can't love it because it's the rebound daycare.  It's not that there's anything wrong with it).  Daycare is a choice* that has worked for our family (even though I occasionally struggle with mommy-guilt because I don't stay at home with LM).

JD and I had thrown around the idea of having a nanny rather than having two kids in full-time daycare, when we started cycling for #2.  Given my hyperemesis with my first pregnancy, we knew that this was something that needed to be taken care of sooner rather than later.  I had sort of been putting it off for whatever reason, when a family friend (who is a nanny) called to let me know that her current position was ending and that she was looking for a new position.  Talk about meant to be!

Though I do feel that we're making the right decision, I am concerned about this transition in LM's life.  He is used to "going to school" and being with his teachers and children and activity all day.  He is so amazing and personable and talkative and I don't want to do anything that would screw that up.  We've looked into LM attending his daycare on a part-time basis, but that is really prohibitively expensive.  What I am planning to do is enroll LM in a swim class and some other sort of Mommy & Me-type class so that he's exposed to other kids at least twice a week.  (Due to his late birthday, LM won't start preschool until next September).

Any advice or suggestions?

*I use the word "choice" in a looser sense, as both JD and I need to work outside the home for financial reasons, among others.

Undeleted!!

For whatever reason, Blogger deleted my blog for a few days, but it is now back up.  Yay!!

Now, go do this -- read Mel's instructions on how to back up your blog and do it now!  I didn't have anything saved and was trying to cope with the loss of everything I've written over the past five years.  Please do this.
___________________________

I am fine.  Very nauseated and on Zofran, but fine.

JD is fine.  Exhausted from having to take care of most things now, but fine.

LM is fine.  Still struggling with giving up the binky, but fine.

Back to our originally scheduled programming in a bit...

Spotting, Counting, Teething?

I had very light spotting this morning.  Freaked but figured it was more than likely nothing.  Still, went downstairs to double-check Dr. Google and called my nurse at Giant Fertility Clinic.  I've decided that I'm faced with too many decisions.  :)

Here's the scenario:
Nurse's voicemail says she'll be in from 7 AM to 4 PM.  (It's currently 6:45).  You can leave a message or if it's urgent call the main line.

The main line voicemail says they don't answer the phone till 8 AM, but if you have a medical emergency, call 911, or if it's not an emergency but urgent that you speak to someone, you can call the answering service who will page the doctor on call.

So, you've already got this web of choices that you have to go through when you are freaking out but kind of maintaining but kind of freaking.

You can:
A) Leave a message on Nurse's voice mail.
B) Leave a message on main line voice mail.
C) Wait for main line to answer their phone.
D) Call 911.
E) Call answering service and have on-call doc paged.

Where's the line to reach someone that answers in one ring and immediately tells you it's fine, no worries?

Well, I left a message on Nurse's line and she called me back a little after 8.  She thinks it's probably nothing but is going to have me come in for an u/s on Friday as opposed to waiting till the 30th.  I figure if she was really worried, she'd be having me come in today, right away, not waiting for several days.  I'm basically calm now.  No more spotting since this morning.

Sort of related only not question about dates: I'm following the convention of dating since LMP; I think Nurse/GFC is dating from dIUI.  Following my convention, I was 6 weeks this past Saturday.  Following Nurse's convention, I'm not 6 weeks till this Friday.

It doesn't really make a difference except it totally does because let's say someone's family was planning on going on a D-s-n-y cruise and they won't let you on at 24 weeks (like, they'll literally prevent you from getting on the boat) and by my count, I'm 24 weeks the day that we go.  But by Nurse's count, I wouldn't be 24 weeks till the middle of the trip (in which case, I don't know if they'd let me on).  And this probably doesn't matter anyways because: a) the count that really matters is my midwifery practice cause I won't be with GFC past 8 weeks (G-D willing) and it's more likely than not that they will go by LMP, and b) remember how sick I was last time?  I didn't get off the Zofran pump till I was 26 weeks.  Combining my severe motion sickness with hyperemesis?  No thank you.
______________________

In other news, LM is fine.  Whatever fever he might have had was gone by the time we picked him up from daycare.  We took it easy Wednesday night and during the day on Thursday (had to keep him home due to daycare policy).  He was fine by Thursday afternoon.  I suspect it was just a teething fever.

Batting Over 1000

I had my repeat beta (#3 overall) and we got a 1455!  Nurse says we're "off the charts wonderful" and no more blood tests needed.  Hooray!

Now, we just have to wait till our u/s.  Nurse pushed it off a bit (to the 30th) to up the odds that we'll see a heartbeat.  So, we'll just be on pins and needles till then.

It stinks to have to go in so often for the blood tests, but it really is nice to get that validation every other day that things are going well.

Nausea is increasing.  Blech.

JD just called.  LM is running a 100° fever at daycare right now.  JD is going to pick him up and we'll all meet up at the house.  I'm hoping this is just a tooth coming in or too much activity and not the beginnings of something yucky.

The Dog Ate My Posts and Other Excuses

Remember how I was totally going to be back on board with this whole posting thing?  Yeah, that happened.

I'm here for right now, and rather than set myself up for failure, I'm just going to say that I'm posting right now, and if I happen to post again, cool.

Here's the news:

A.)  I stopped going to Weight Watchers meetings and started to lose weight, thus proving that just paying for their program but not actually attending their meetings still has some beneficial affect on your health.  (Or it could be that I'm continuing to incorporate more exercise, better fats and a wider variety of fruits and vegetables into my daily life, but I prefer my first analysis).

B.)  We started back on the TTC bandwagon for #2.  Did back-to-back dIUIs over Memorial Day Weekend (yeah, we got to the beach Friday night and had to leave Saturday afternoon in order to be back home in time for Sunday's procedure).  BFN.

C.)  We decided to skip the next cycle so that we could have an actual vacation over July 4th.  It turns out that didn't really matter as I had my shortest cycle on record, and got AF while we were on vacation.

D.)  Did our 2nd round at the end of July.  Found out this past Thursday - BFP.  (I know, way to bury the lead, huh?)   First beta: 121.  For comparison purposes, LM's first beta was 57.1.  My repeat beta (yesterday, 96 hours between) was 573.  We're due for a third beta tomorrow and based on that, they'll decide when they want to do an ultrasound.

E.)  Yes, I'm feeling sick and dizzy.  Based on my pregnancy with LM, I've got 2 weeks before all hell breaks loose.  As I told Mel, it's a good thing I was able to retain my amateur status for the Olympics, because I'd like to medal in something, even if it's just nausea.

Self-Talk

I thought of a great post to write last night and I've forgotten it already, so I'm just going to recap my latest Weight Watchers' efforts.

I lost 0.8 lbs this week.  I was doing some negative self-talk around the whole weigh-in.  I had the stomach flu late last week, and felt that any loss wouldn't really count, cause it was due to illness as opposed to staying on the program.  Of course, if I had gained weight, I would have felt bad about myself, thinking "I can't even lose weight with the stomach flu!"  So, it was fortuitous that this week's topic at Weight Watchers was about positive vs. negative self-talk.

I'm trying to work on the voice in my head though.  I am happy with the loss, and before the flu, I really was working the program.  I've started using measuring cups when I eat at home, particularly to measure the amount of milk I'm putting into cereal, tea or coffee.  Apparently, a Jen quarter-cup is not equal to a Science quarter-cup.  :)

This week, I'm going to focus again on portion sizes and I'd also like to focus on water intake.  I'm really not drinking enough and it shows in my dry lips and skin.  I haven't been able to get our Wii set up yet, but I've gotten in a bunch of lovely walks outside.

Remember how I used to have that big 101 in 1001 list on the left sidebar?  That list's deadline was in June 2010, but I kept working on the tasks that I set for myself.  This was really the first time that I articulated so many discrete goals for myself, and I found it to be incredibly helpful and enjoyable.

I was able to cross off the vast majority of items on my first list, so I decided that it was time to make a new list.  Here is my 101 in 1001 list - version 2.0!

Mission: Accomplish 101 discrete tasks in 1001 days
End Date: December 2, 2014

Green tasks are in progress.

HOME
1. Bring all wedding gifts from parents’ house to our house.
2. Choose wedding pictures to have printed and to make parents' albums.
3. Put together an emergency box (water, flashlights, etc.) for the house.
4. Put together “72-hour kits” in case of emergency/evacuation.
5. Put together an emergency box for both cars.
6. Write and properly execute wills.
7. Complete china service.
8. Complete silverware service.
9. Learn how to iron clothes properly.
10. Fully unpack house.
11. Set up guest room.
12. Set up office.
13. Set up “launchpad” in entry.
14. Put together a Task List/Control Journal for the house.
15. Back up computer.
16. Organize front-hall closet.
17. Organize master closet.
18. Plan and start an Evening Routine.
19. Plan and start a Morning Routine.
20. Start a filing system for paying bills and saving paperwork.
21. Hang pictures/paintings in house.
22. Get family room couch and chairs fixed.
23. Create a photobook of Lil’ Man’s art.
24. Create a photobook of Lil’ Man’s first year.
25. Hang and maintain a height chart for Lil’ Man.
26. Put clothes in hamper (not on floor) every day for 1 month.
27. Get a hamper for dry cleaning.
28. Get the kitchen to a shiny sink before I go to bed for 21 days straight.

FOOD
29. Start buying grassfed meat and pastured poultry.
30. Make homemade yogurt.
31. Join a CSA.
32. Follow a menu plan for 1 week.
33. Follow a menu plan for 1 month.
34. Bring lunch and snacks to work for 4 days in a week.
35. Bring lunch and snacks to work for 4 days per week for 1 month.
36. Make matzah ball soup.
37. Make a green smoothie.
38. Make jam
39. Preserve a food by canning.
40. Make fresh pasta
41. Bake a pie.
42. Go apple picking.
43. Bake 10 new things and blog about it.
44. Cook 10 new things and blog about it.

HEALTH
45. See a personal trainer to start a weight-training regimen.
46. Get eyes checked.
47. Take meds & vitamins every day for a month.
48. Floss every day for a month.
49. Exercise 30 minutes 3-4 times/week for 1 month.
50. Try Zumba.
51. Reach a healthy BMI.
52. Do the Couch-to-5K program.
53. Find a new foundation (makeup).
54. Put on makeup before I leave the house every day for 1 week.
55. Take a yoga/pilates class.

SELF/SPIRITUAL
56. Have Friday night Shabbat dinner at our house for family/friends
57. Have a sukkah for Sukkot.
58. Make hamentashchen for Purim.
59. Make mishloach manot for Purim.
60. Go to a Tashlich service at Rosh Hashanah.
61. Go to Shabbat services at least once a season.
62. Have a dairy meal for Shavuot.
63. Write a list of 50 things that make me happy.
64. Make a list of 5 people who have positively influenced me and write them letters.
65. Contribute to our tzedakah box every week before Shabbat candlelighting.
66. Bake challah and freeze small portions for use over a month.

RELATIONSHIPS
67. Take Lil’ Man to the Zoo.
68. Take Lil’ Man to the Playseum.
69. Play in the leaves with Lil’ Man.
70. Send Mom flowers for no reason.
71. Send 5 friends flowers for no reason.
72. Bring JD breakfast in bed.
73. Create our own “Family Rules” and display in house.
74. Write an “If Something Happens to Me” Letter

FUN
75. Learn how to play the piano.
76. Read all of Shakespeare’s plays. (9/36)
77. Ride in a hot-air balloon.
78. Take a golf lesson.
79. Learn how to play bridge.
80. Complete a needlework project.
81. Make/do 10 things on my Pinterest boards.
82. Read 10 books that I haven’t read from 1001 Books You Must Read Before You Die.
83. Write a blog review of the 1001 Books… I read.
84. Have a picnic.
85. Take a picture of Lil’ Man at least once a week.
86. Write an article for my work newsletter.
87. Knit something.
88. Ask 20 friends to suggest one book and read them all.
89. Write a blog review of the “20 Books from Friends” I read.
90. Take a photo of the same place every month for a year and turn it into a calendar.
91. Host a dinner party.
92. See 10 classic movies I’ve never seen.
93. Go horseback riding.
94. See a play/musical.
95. Listen to a lecture online.
96. Write a blog post once a week for a year.
97. Pay for the person behind me at Starbucks.
98. Have a girls’ weekend.
99. Donate blood.
100. Do swab test for bone marrow donation.
101. Create and send out a family photo holiday card.

This Goin' Up Is Bringin' Me Down

I gained at Weight Watchers this week.  Instead of being down 2 lbs., now I'm only down .6 lbs.  This stinks.  I'm being religious with the tracking and I walked at least 20 minutes most days.  I also brought in lunch 4 times and brought snack for myself every day.  I think it's the going out on the weekends and the portions.

I don't think it's realistic for me to not go out to eat, but I do need to improve upon the good choices that I'm already making.  For example, I teach a class on Wednesdays and after class, I went out to The Cheesecake Factory and had the Asian Chicken Lettuce Tacos from their SkinnyLicious Menu.  Good choice - low in points and very filling (btw, tastes fantastic!).  Yet because I was starving when we got to dinner, I also ordered the Beets with Goat Cheese, and a couple slices of bread with butter.  I had brought a snack to class, but it definitely was not enough for me to not feel starving.

So, here's what I'm going to do about that this week -- bring a bigger snack with me to work on Wednesdays so that I won't be starving when it's time for dinner.  I'm also going to try measuring my food when I'm cooking at home, so I don't have "portion creep."  I would like also to keep up the amount of activity that I did this past week.

Time for my afternoon snack: fruit cup with grapes, pineapple and cantaloupe.

Once More Unto the Breach and All That

I'm 35 now.  Thirty effing five.  I've been having a bit of a hard time adjusting to the change.  Some of this angst is because I'm now officially old and must admit that I will now never do some of the things I wanted to do in my life (be thin while I'm young, can't think of anything else, it must just be that).  More of the sturm und drang though comes from us getting back on the TTC bandwagon.

I made the appointment for the consultation.  It's real.  I'm actually signing up to go through all this another time.

I'm out of practice here -- there's so much going on in my head and I'm finding it difficult to articulate.  Hopefully, I'll be less rusty as I keep posting.  I would like to keep a record of this time -- not for my child(ren, hopefully) to read later, but more for myself -- to have it memorialized that I was here, I went through this, I wanted this.

I am in a better space to be starting a new IF journey.  I've lost a lot of weight since we first started trying.  Thanks to hyperemesis during the pregnancy and gallstones afterwards, I lost 70 pounds all tolled.  Of course, once my gall bladder came out, I started eating and eating and eating.  I'm still down 25 lbs though and I'm doing Weight Watchers to inculcate those healthy eating and exercise habits again.

We're also in a new (to us) house, in a new (to JD, but home to me) state.  Yay Maryland!!  It's lovely to be back on this side of the river.  I've got a 10 minute commute and it's just lover-ly.  Sure, our home has been invaded by packing boxes which multiply like Gremlins, but otherwise, I'm really happy with the house.

We'll see where we go from here, eh?