Wednesday, January 16, 2008

The Post That I Shouldn't Write

First, I want to thank all of you for your kind wishes and support. It means so much to me that you are out there sending good feelings into the universe on my behalf. Please know that I do the same for you, even when I am not in contact as often as you or I might wish. :)

It is probably unwise to post this, maybe I am drunk on Jane Austen novels and movies. I have struggled with myself over this post, but my need to write and confess my feelings is much stronger than my ability to exercise prudence at the moment. I trust you all for your discretion.



There is a man. I care for him deeply. He is a dear, dear friend. In the secret recesses of my heart, I have thought of him and dreamed that had John Dear and I not met and fell in love, that this man and I would be together. Timing, it seems, is everything.

JD knows of my physical attraction for this man. We once spoke of it, casually, not in any serious manner. After all, we are human and can be attracted to members of the opposite sex. I don't know whether JD knows that I have an emotional attachment to this man as well. Though I suspect this man does. He understands things, where JD does not.

And yet... and yet. "My true love hath my heart." John Dear has me mind, body and soul. I love him as he loves me. I truly believe that JD is my soul mate - the man who was born to love me, as I was for him. It was only this past weekend that I could finally understand the powerful bond that JD and I have of love and tenderness and passion that only comes with having gone through severe trials.

So, this other man, my infatuation -- I will do for him what I can -- wish him a woman who is free to care for him as deeply as I do and love both of my men enough to do that.

3 comments:

Jen said...

You may have all of my good feelings as often as you wish.

That is a very nice wish.

Io said...

I could have written this post. Its hard to wonder about the ifs.

hoping for a child said...

i have never admitted this to anyone and am taking a serious risk by saying..but i can totally relate to this.