Back in the Saddle Again

Alternate title for this post: Lessons I've Learned - Keep Taking Your Meds

One of the most frustrating aspects about myself is my fight to take my meds consistently. For the last 3 years, I have been successful in taking my meds every day, except for a few pockets here and there. I'm crawling out of one of those pockets now.

When I was young and naive, I would often rationalize not taking my meds by saying, "this is not the real me, not the authentic me. The real me is the me off the drugs." So, I'd stop taking the drugs, without medical supervision, mind you, and in a couple of days, the predictable would occur. Mood swings, crying jags, feeling alienated and in turn alienating everyone I knew, suicidal thoughts, the whole shebang.

Since I'm older and supposedly wiser, I've stopped doing that. I've realized and accepted that in order to function like a normal human being, I will likely have to be on meds for the rest of my life.

The problem for me now is any break in routine. For example, going on a business trip or vacation, breaks my routine for taking pills. But it's not the going away from home that's the problem, it's the coming back. My pills will be packed in my carry on bag and I won't unpack them. When it comes time to go to bed, my pills aren't on my nightstand, so I don't take them. Repeat until mood swings, crying jags, etc. occurs.

So, I took my pills again for the first time in a week last night. This morning, I woke with a song in my heart and a smile on my lips. Yes, it does happen that fast. The full effects, however, will probably take a week to kick in. So, I was very happy and relaxed this morning, but now my boss is being a gigantic dick so the happy has sort of gone away. I'm working to maintain balance and not just kill him.