Thursday, January 15, 2009

Smooth Jazz and Choose Your Own Adventure

Oh, yeah (must be said in the Kool Aid guy's voice).

Within 5 minutes of my sending a Friend request (it turned out that I hadn't done it the first time), HS boyfriend accepted my request AND sent me a note. Man, is he desperate. (j/k).

I still got it. (blows on fingers and rubs them on shirt).

Hips swivelling a little more this morning.

If I was an actual writer, this post would now go into an articulate and poignant essay on how Facebook and similar sites draw you back into the past and ask the question, "can you ever really go home again?" Unfortunately, I am not an actual writer, so you're going to get an inarticulate and rambling essay.

The problem is that as quickly as you are drawn back into your past self, you really can't go back there. Not while you're still in the here and now.

I often wonder if I could go back and change my actions/words, would I? I think my life would have ended up differently. I would not be the person that I am today. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. It's not about regrets, for me, these questions are more about what if?

Except, when would I go back, what would I change? Something big? What if I went through life as a thin person? That's major. What if John Dear and I had broken up when we had first started going out and he revealed some definite breakup-caliber things, or later, when he almost called off the wedding?

Yet, everything affects everything else. Who talked about the butterfly effect? It could be something as trivial as missing a train, like in that Gwyneth Paltrow movie.

It was so much easier with those Choose Your Own Adventure books. No decision was final because I could hold my place, see what happened and if I didn't like it, just choose the opposite path. I guess what I'd love is a save and restart option on this life of mine.


Anonymous said...

You cant go home- but I can tell you... who the hell WANTS to go back? The drunk at the local bar who never left... and he is tsill wearing his HS ring. Yeah, that guy!

All we got is the hear and now... own it! Or at least your piece of it!


calliope said...

facebook is forever cracking me up. I think the most unusual thing is that a group of people that I waited tables with at a theme restaurant in NYC (in the 90's) have formed a group and it is crazy how much chatter goes on between former bus-boys and former chefs. Lots of, "hey remember when we got that order wrong??"

I find it so odd that so many people from so many different eras of my life are all on a page. crazy.

annacyclopedia said...

Awesome post. There's actually a new TV show on CBC right now that deals with a character who wants to go back and heal her past regrets. Apparently, I am their target demographic, and I'm really enjoying it - something about being in ones 30s that makes you want to poke at that old stuff a little bit, wonder how life would have been different if we had only done y instead of x. But I have to agree with Calliope - the groups from former workplaces are just weird.

And I never doubted that you still had it, not for a second. Swivel away, girl!

momofonefornow said...

"I guess what I'd love is a save and restart option on this life of mine."

Me too! If you figure out how let me know!

kirke said...

I'm trying to resist FB even though I think I am the last person alive who isn't on it.

You had me at "Choose your own adventure." If only life, were a choose your own adventure book.

theclam said...

Like Cali I can't believe that ppl that I have met from all difffernt walks of life and from my many jobs etc are all listed in one place - it's weird but cool at the same time ;)


Me said...

I'm not totally sure, but I think I hate FB. MySpace and I get a long ok. But FB is so... I dunno... active... everyone always screaming out about what they're doing RIGHT NOW... but then once I know I'm just irritated about it. Yeah... I think I hate FB.

Julie From Inmates said...

I have a post like this one in the works. I enjoyed it. Love the blog name too!!!