Thursday, May 29, 2008

On Hold

Summary: Well folks, put your pom-poms away. It ain't happening any time soon.

So, we get to Giant Fertility Clinic and the receptionist takes us back right away. "Score!" I think. "Things are going to go well today."

Think again. We're brought to the inner waiting area, essentially a line of chairs outside the doctor's individual offices, put there to wait for the doctor. Another woman (we'll call her "Betty") is eventually brought to wait alongside John Dear and I. Several GFC staff members walk by and they all know Betty. One of the nurses shrieks with pleasure at seeing Betty and rushes out to show Betty pictures of her kids. Betty and the nurse discuss the children animatedly and loudly right next to us. Then, Betty shows off pics of her kid and much discussion ensues.

I can't help it. Tears just leak out of my eyes and then I'm crying. Trying to cry as silently as possible. When the nurse finally goes away, Betty notices that I'm crying and tries to comfort, saying that LovelyRE is so great and that Betty and her husband had been trying for years and that they finally had a baby and it's so tough, but just to keep going cause it will happen. I could barely respond. I'm sure Betty and her husband went through the ringer, but come on. You're at a G.D. fertility clinic for Pete's sake! Have some sensitivity and discuss children without other couples around.

Eventually, LovelyRE pulls us back into her office. After some blustering by JD about how Uro2 was kind of a dick about things, LovelyRE goes through the SA results with us. Here are the numbers of what I remember.

Size of Sample: 0.3 mL (normal size: 2.0 - 5.0 mL)
Count: Normal
Motility: 2% (normal: 40% or greater)
Morphology: Normal
Total Motile Sperm: Can't remember, but waaaay low
Viability: 4%

Given the fact that there was such a small sample, it may be that the numbers do not constitute a representative sample and are therefore not accurate. So, a second SA is in order.

Assuming that the numbers are a representative sample, conception the old-fashioned way with these numbers is not impossible, but we're looking at a 1-2% chance of ever getting pregnant.

LovelyRE says we are no longer candidates for IUI. We must go straight to IVF w/ ICSI. That pushes our chances to 40%. Which is a hell of a lot better, but I thought we'd be able to do an unmedicated IUI cycle and it would just be the turkey baster, boom, kid, we're outta there.

So, IVF. As I might have mentioned in an earlier post, GFC has a BMI limit on IUI and IVF. To do IUI, your BMI can't be higher than 42. To do IVF, your BMI can't be higher than 40.

My BMI right now is 46.3. As you can see on the ticker at the bottom of my blog, I've got 40 pounds to lose. I was thinking all day that it was 50, so I guess 40 is an improvement. I have tried to lose weight my whole life; this is just another reason to do so.

John Dear and I had already committed to going to a Weight Watchers meeting on Saturday morning. My brother has volunteered to join me in my quest to increase my exercise and my mentor is going to join Weight Watchers so that she can help me too. No more spring baby. To do this in a healthy manner, I can only lose about 2 lbs. a week. That puts us in mid-October before we can even start an IVF cycle. And that's if I do lose 2 pounds a week. So, I'm thinking that realistically, the earliest we'll get pregnant is December. Ach, it seems so far away from us and we've already been trying for so long.

Getting back to the play-by-play, I was crying, JD was sniffling. It wasn't a great scene. After LovelyRE was done with us, we go down the hall with Nurse so that she can give us literature on IVF and put more salt in the wound.

"Did you need any more pre-natal vitamins?"

"Um, no. I stopped taking those when it seemed that we weren't getting to the pre-natal part of things."

"Oh, well, you're going to have to go back on those about 2-3 months before you start trying to get pregnant, because folic acid is very important and you've gotta make sure you're getting enough of that, so 2-3 months before you try to get pregnant, OK?"

"Two to three months before we started trying to get pregnant was over a year ago."


We left. I dropped off John Dear at the house to take The Boy out for a walk before he went to work. I went to work, because there's crazy going on at work and I just couldn't stay home and be in my head.

Gotta go now. John Dear and I will be going to the gym when I get home.


Meghan said...

First, that woman is ridiculous. Does she not remember how it feels to be sitting in that chair?

And I'm sorry you got not great news. We too were told a less than 1% chance of getting pregnant on our own.

Good luck with the weight loss and the gym. As you start to get close, will they at least let you get the ball rolling (mock transfer, etc). That would make me feel more productive.

E_Sharp said...

Isn't it just the biggest kick in the pants that you have to be a certain BMI to undergo IVF? I'm sure it stems from some kind of health concern, but to me, it would just feel like another way to kick you when you're down. I'm a bit of a "full-figured" girl myself.
I'm sorry. It just not fair.

FunkyFrum said...

If you want an online diet buddie! I'll diet with you! I'm doing WW too!

Rachel said...

I'm so sorry that the news was disappointing. I really hope that the clinic is at least providing you with support as you work on losing weight. And if it comes to it, I know that not all clinics have such a low BMI requirement. Wishing you the best of luck with WW.

JJ said...

Oh sweetie, Im sorry it was so tough...getting those numbers in writing and having to digest them, is so hard. Being told that you have 1-2% chance of conceiving is damn hard.
WW is great--it really helps me stay on track (when Im dedicated) I wish you both the best in getting to the BMI that you want.
Sending you a big hug...

Jen said...

I'm sorry. That news sucks.

Matt and I just got the Wii Fit. It is really fun. That might be a fun way for you two to sneak in some exercise, particularly when you don't have time to go to the gym.

You can do it. We will be rooting for you the whole time.

Jen said...

You know, I swear that some infertile women lose their damn minds when they have a baby. What an asshole. I'm sorry you had to be around that, and that you had to go into the appointment crying. Blah.

I've heard so many wonderful things about WW!!! I hope it works for you and you can get to your goal BMI sooner than you think. Good luck!

**susy** said...

oh man.. i'm so sorry you're going through all of this. and that lady!! betty! jeez! you'd think she'd remember how it felt to have insensitive ppl around you waving around pics of their kids, when they KNOW they're at an RE's office. i've heard weightwatchers is good. i hope you get to your goal. and thnx for the comment yesterday.


Fertilized said...

That was just plain brutal. I am so sorry that you had to sit next to "Betty" and then to add insult to injury in the RE's office.

Good Luck with WW and the Gym. I had a great experience with weight loss through WW. I also did a Candida Cleanse Diet that helped me so much. If you are interested Let me know

Antigone said...


I wish there was something I could do to help.

AlmostMrsJoyner said...

Im sorry Betty was such an asshat. There is no reason for that, it's unprofessional and just plain rude. Hopfully, things will start to look up from here on out. I'll be following your progress.

katedaphne said...

Thanks for coming to my blog. Your advice about filing something with boards and societies the clinic is a member of is excellent and I may do that.

I'm sorry you got such difficult news from your RE. The waiting is one of the worst parts about IF. It sounds like you have a lot of support, which I'm sure will help you reach your goal weight so you can get on with the IVF. Good luck!!

JuliaS said...

Ouch - I am so sorry. That definitely makes for a rotten day.

Good wishes to you.


Chris said...

Oh what a rotten day, I'm so sorry you had to go through it. It is always so hard to face all of the infertility hurdles and to constantly redraw your line in the sand. Allow yourself time for this all to sink in.

luna said...

the whole experience sounds awful, so sorry. no tact at all. and I think that's a load of crap about mandatory BMIs. I'm sure losing weight would be good for me too, but to be denied treatment would piss me off and I'd try to find another clinic, if possible. but that's just me.

wishing you all the best.

Almamay said...

How disappointing for both of you. Sending you lots of thoughts.

Pamela Jeanne said...

Back-atcha from NaComLeavMo.

I was transported back to when they first laid the ICSI IVF recommendation on us when we assumed we'd be an easy-to-moderate RE challenge. The idea just blew me away. It took more than a little while to accept so I feel for you.

To the woman in the waiting room, just not cool. Regardless of any outcome, I always think back to the nervous, scared and sad image of my first encounter with an RE and that's how I think every couple should approach waiting rooms. The worst affronts seem to come from those who should know better...

Io said...

Fuck. I am so sorry. It's horrible news to receive and then to find that they won't allow you to do it now?
It strikes right through the heart, I know. Let me know if you need anything at all. ::hugs::

Nine said...

I'm so sorry you got that news and then learned you have to wait to start IVF. It's not fair! I'll be thinking of you!

Thanks for stopping by my blog. The furniture didn't make it last night, but should be delivered today. I stil can't believe we got stuff that so uber-cool! That's so not us!

Take care!!

Sunny said...

MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR HUGS! I wish I had wonderful words for you that would fix it all. Waiting is an awful place. I have been there more times than I can count.

Jen said...

Crap. It sounds like a horrible day. I mean sure IVF gives you a goal in terms of weight loss, but it is hard enough to lose it without the added stress given what is at stake. Even though you are doing everything you can to make this happen, it must be extremely tough. (((Hugs))).

Nicole O'Dell said...

How insensitive! I always "loved" when the people came into the clinic with their babies to show the docs. Sheesh.

Anyway, best of luck to you as you figure out which road to take. GL on the weight loss, too. :)

Here from NCLM

Aunt Becky said...


I'm sorry. That's just crappy news.

Karen said...

I'm sorry they were so insensitive.

As for the BMI requirement, I think that's effing ridiculous, to be honest. I think it's a reasonable GUIDELINE to suggest to patients, but ridiculous to enforce as law.

Anonymous said...

WTF happened to Betty's sense of decency and compassion?

I'm sorry to see IUI isn't an option for you, but hope IVF/ICSI works out.

How did you not punch that nurse as well?

Anonymous said...

Thanks for commenting on my blog. I love your blog's name - for some reason it makes me smile.

Ugh, what a meeting w/ the RE. It just seems like adding insult to injury - the BMI requirements, the inconsiderate conversation, etc. I am sorry this is dragging out so long for you & JD. I will be cheering you on in your WW goals. The South Beach approach (similar to Atkins) really helped my DH, so I'm a fan of starting out that way anyway.

Big hugs.

Freyja said...

Best of luck with the weight loss. I as much as anyone know what it feels like to just be idiling beside the TTC ART superhighway instead of actually being on it. The view isn't very comforting either. :p

Kelly D said...

So sorry to hear that some of those "resolved" fail to be sensitive to those still in the midst of their journey. We had to do ICSI/IVF as we had MF too. Best of luck loosing the weight so you can start your IVF sooner rather than later. There are a lot of people cheering you on!

Thanks for visiting my blog.