Friday, October 10, 2008

I Am a TV Show

So, to my total and utter discredit, I watch Grey's Anatomy. Didn't even start watching till Season 3. Yes, I am a teenager.

On orders of my Fairy Godmother, I'm not allowed to watch the show by myself. Someone has to watch it with me because I tend to break down emotionally while watching. Usually, John Dear just sits next to me and plays on the laptop while I watch.

Here's where I have completely become a TV show. If you are not a loser like me and missed last night's episode, there was a patient who had experienced chronic headaches for years and years. His pain level was always at an 8 out of 10. He mentioned to one of the doctors that in the middle of all this pain he was feeling, his wife died. She had stood by him, took care of him, carted him to doctors and hospitals and then just died. He couldn't even feel the pain of his wife dying because he was in so much pain already.

I worry that this will happen to me and John Dear. That he will never stop being in pain. That I'll spend my whole life as a caregiver rather than a partner and die, before my time, worn out from a spouse who cannot/will not pull his own weight or any weight at all.

I'm not really sure what to do with that feeling. I wonder if we could get him on disability or something. He's not working, the job prospects don't look great. I mean at least if he did a majority of the housework instead of playing video games 90% of the day, I'd feel better. I've been trying to encourage him to maybe go back to school. At least he'd be doing something.

It's like living alone, only worse. If I was alone, when I left a room clean, I'd come back to it clean. Now, it doesn't matter, there's always a worse mess. I have to deal with all his crap too.

I'm sorry for this mopiness. I'm just too depressed to comment or post regularly. I am reading everyone's blogs though, so know that I am there.


Antigone said...

I'm sorry. Are you doing that thing this Sunday?

Leah said...

Between that guy and the uber perky sister with cancer ("it's not fair"), I was bummed out by the end of that show.

I'm sorry that you have these worries. Hopefully a resolution comes soon.

annacyclopedia said...

I'm listening, sweetie. And keeping you in my heart and my prayers that things shift for you and for JD. Please don't apologize for mopiness - what you're going through is hard and deserves a good mope now and again (or as often as you feel you need to.)

kirke said...

I'm sorry you are going through a hard spot. I agree about the clean room, it's exhausting to shoulder the majority of the responsibility.

I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Here's to the end of the tunnel.

~Jess said...

I've been there and know exactly how you feel: You're certainly entitled to feeling mopey. *hugs*

Anonymous said...

We all go through rough spots. Don't apologize. A blog is a great spot to get everything out.

Jen said...

I have that same mysterious messy room problem at my house.

I hope you come up with a solution soon.

FunkyFrum said...

i am wishing you a maid

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you hon.


LJ said...

You know you're always welcome at my house on Thursday nights. Totally a supportive grey's loving environment :)