Wednesday, December 10, 2008

This Little Light 'o Mine

...thinks you might be a little full of sh*t.

But let me explain. With encouraging noises from friends and my nutritionist, I signed up for a Yoga for Fertility class. I attended the first class last night. I had never taken a yoga class before, so I was excited to go. I also thought that since the class was dealing with a bunch of sensitive infertiles that the guru? leader? yogi? instructor would be a little more forgiving with someone who has absolutely no idea what they are doing.

Overall, I had a really good experience. The class was small - only 7 people + the teacher. We took off our shoes before we were allowed to enter the dim, candle-lit room. Our teacher had already set out mats and blankets and yoga blocks (foam blocks the size of a Kleenex box, used to help maintain poses) for us.

First, the teacher talked in general about the class and then told us her fertility journey. She discussed the different levels of the body/mind/soul that we would try to reach and that inside, was our own bliss, our inner light.

We each then talked about where we were in our own journeys and why we were in the class. Lots of sympathy and nodding and a few tears from each of us. All of the students are women and I'm the only one who is dealing with male-factor. I expected to be the only one who was not currently in treatments or in between treatments and I was correct in that.

Then, our teacher had us line up on one side of the room, close our eyes and think about a positive moment in our lives. After a few seconds, she had us open our eyes, cross over to the other side of the room and think about a negative moment in our lives. We did this about three or four times.

After that fourth time, I'm thinking, "Come on already!" Now, the happy moment was tinged by the sad moment I had just been feeling, and (typical of me), there was no happy moment affecting any of the sad. Finally, she stopped us and explained that life is like that walk we just did. There are good sides and bad sides and in between is yoga, allowing all feelings and centering yourself. Mental exhale of frustration from me. Fine; but that was a long way to go for a small payoff.

Our teacher then lights a sage branch and explains that, one at a time, we should walk over to our area of the negative wall and wave the branch around, because the smoke is supposed to be cleansing and will remove the negativity in the area. You can also wave it around any part of you that feels the need to be cleansed.

Took a long time to do this, and I feel like everyone is trying to take this seriously, but not really believing any of it. I did like smelling the sage everywhere in the room. It kind of forced you to breathe deeply, and that seemed like a good effect.

Finally, our teacher led us through some basic poses and the salutations that we would be doing. She took care to make sure that I was positioning myself correctly (I was the only one who had no previous yoga experience), but she didn't make a big deal of singling me out, which I liked.

At the end, she instructed us to keep finding that light inside of ourselves over the course of the next week and had us say "namaste" (meaning: I honor the divine light in me and I honor the divine light in you) to each other.

I really liked it, but the teacher often let herself run away with the ethereal, spiritual stuff. I'm not sure if I'm just the biggest cynic in the room or that we were all so desperate to find some peace in this journey that we were willing to do anything it took. I certainly feel that way sometimes.

I don't know if yoga will be the way that I connect with my inner light, but I can see that it could become a useful tool for me. So, to all of you, namaste.


Searching for Serenity said...

Good for you for getting yourself there. I couldn't find any IF yoga classes in my area, so I resorted to a corny DVD that I did 3 times.

Is sounds like some of her practices are slightly odd (I would have been thinking the same thing as you), but I believe if we open our hearts to new things we can only learn from our experience.


JamieD said...

How very interesting. I wish I could find something like that in my area. Of course, being a true cynic myself, I don't know if I could be open minded enough to get the full experience. Maybe I could learn to be.


~Jess said...

My aunt is a yoga instructor and I have a hard time correlating her yogi spirituality with my Christian faith: It's a bit spacey for me.

Good for you that you are doing something though. If nothing else the yoga (Stretching etc) will be good for you.

Leah said...

I have a Yoga for Fertility DVD that I used at home. Remind me on Sunday and I'll give it to you. Less touchy-feeley-spiritual stuff, more relaxation and concentration on the reproductive tract.

kirke said...

Ooh...I really want to try yoga. I hear it's such a good way to find peace and relax. I'm impressed that you took the plunge.

Anonymous said...

yes you are...
wish I could have had been there with ya... my broke ass can't ever do the belly dancing. I hope you love it though. yoga will have the weight off in no time!

Trace said...

Those sun salutations? After OHSS I was told not to exercise so I stopped yoga. I went back to it this week and I literally could NOT do them. My arms were unable to hold up my weight. Yoga is wonderful and meditative. The breathing does matter. I always feel like a smack so I don't chant or anything. I hope you stick with it because it'll be worth it.

Tricia said...

Good for you. That sounds so interesting! I have always been curious about yoga but, I took one class in college and nearly killed myself. Maybe it wasn't beginner enough!

barrenisthenewblack said...

Good for you! I'm secretly a lazy hippy at heart, so I love it when someone else provides the loopy spiritual stuff.
Take away from it what you want, though. I hope you enjoy it.

Chelle said...

I love yoga, but I think I would have probably wondered about the other stuff. Some of that would be fine, but four times walking back and forth and then the smoke? hmmm. I giggled a little when you were talking about it. If I was there, I would have giggled and probably been kicked out of the class!

But, like I said, I do love yoga. :)

m said...

very eager to see how the classes progress - please keep us posted!

Given recent events, it looks as if I'll be pulling out my "fully fertile" book and getting into some fertile poses myself.

Thanks so much for your recent comments and support. I've been contemplating coming down to DC for the next TOOTPU but I think I need a little more time. But really looking forward to seeing you and talking more with you again.

Thank you.