Champagne Supernova

That's what I feel like -- just overwhelmed and like I'm about to burst into a million pieces. I'm not getting anything done at work or home. I'm spending all day at work reading blogs. My desk is a mess. I can't think. My home is a mess. I can't think.


I'd like to take the day off work tomorrow, but go in secretly and work on setting up files and organizing my office. I'd love to do the same thing at my house, but JD is there and will be up in my grill nonstop, like always.


Last night, my yoga nidra class (back with my awesome teacher, yay!) was a private class for me, since the other women in the class couldn't make it. So, my teacher centered a lot of the meditation on mindfulness and being aware of the moment. I've lost that calm in less than 24 hours.


I think I'm going to try setting a timer and working for that amount of time, so that I can feel like I've accomplished something, anything.

I'll be OK, just needed to vent.

Thank You House

***Possible spoilers from House, so if you are planning to see it, come back later.***

Dear This Week's House,

Thank you for helping me to realize that, in order to act normal become sane get better, I must actually take my pills.

Unlike House's roommate, I was not refusing to take my pills this time because they stop me from being me. (Though G-D knows that we've gone down that road so many times they are dedicating a rest stop in my honor. Now with a Bob Evans!) I also was not not taking my pills out of some scheme to turn all the patients in the asylum against their doctors. Instead, I went through one of my periods of just not taking them.
Yes, this is stupid. And reckless, and unhealthy. Yes, this caused me to become a weeping, snivelling, ill-tempered, non-coping mess.

So, I'm back on - because I do want to get better. And with only one dose in me, I feel like I can actually handle life. I took my meds yesterday, I'm taking them today and I plan to take them tomorrow. That's as far as I'm going to go with my planning, because the longer term promises have not been working for me.

The Icemen Cometh

Last night, JD and I went to the Caps' preseason home opener. The playing was less than stellar. I know, I know, preseason doesn't count, but it stinks to see your team playing so badly.

Poor Ovechkin. He wants to win and do well so badly that he starts playing every position. Not a good situation.

Matt Bradley looked like he was playing well, and I especially enjoyed seeing our new man, Mike Knuble (lately of the Flyers - boo). Knuble is everything that the Princess (my brother's wife, who is a diehard Flyers fan - boo) said he was -- a gate crasher, someone who is just going to plant himself in front of the opposing team's net and score and score. We desperately need a pro at doing that, since we really only had Brooks Laich starting to play that role last season.

It was also good to see a goal from Keith Aucoin (from Waltham, Massachusetts - home of my alma mater!). Hoping to see great things from him in the future.

Here's a toast to the new season. May the Caps win the Cup, rock the red and play better than they did last night and may the Penguins get their wings clipped. Here, here!

Carrot-Zucchini Kugel Recipe

I got this recipe online (from who knows where - thank you who knows where, whoever you are!) a couple years ago and it's been a hit whenever I make it.

For those who keep kosher, the recipe can be pareve or dairy depending upon your preference, and can even be made without leavening (that is, pesachdik) for Passover (Pesach).

Carrot-Zucchini Kugel

6 packed cups coarsely grated zucchini (approx. 3-4 medium zucchini)
3 cups finely minced onion (I use a bag of frozen diced onion OR grate 1 onion with the other veggies)
3 Tbsp. butter or margarine, plus 2-3 Tbsp. of small pieces for the top
3/4 to 1 tsp. salt
3 packed cups coarsely grated carrot (approximately 5 medium carrots)
3 large eggs, beaten
3/4 cup matzo meal OR fine bread crumbs
6 Tbsp. flour OR matzo meal
1 tsp. baking powder (omit for Pesach)
Pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 375°. Place the grated zucchini in a colander. Salt it lightly, and let it stand 15 minutes. When time's up, squeeze out as much moisture as you can.

Sauté the onions in 3 Tbsp. butter with 3/4 tsp. salt over medium heat until the onions are soft and translucent (5-8 minutes). Remove from heat.

In a large bowl, mix together the zucchini, sautéed onions and grated carrot. Beat in the eggs and the matzo meal (or bread crumbs).

Add the flour, baking powder and pepper. Mix well.

Spread the batter into a well-greased 9 x 13 baking pan. Place the thin slices of butter here and there on the top surface. Bake for 1 1/4 hours, uncovered.

Note: This recipe freezes well. After the kugel has completely cooled off (VERY IMPORTANT), I use a layer of plastic wrap, then a layer of aluminum foil, pressing both wraps gently onto the surface of the kugel to ensure a tighter seal.

Wishes for the New Year

(Reposted from last year because I love this poem so much).

In the new year which now begins, these are my wishes for you:

May you experience no earthquakes, no hurricanes, no floods, and no dinnertime phone solicitations.
And if they come, may you have a flashlight, a radio, a cell phone, water, food, and a siddur [prayer book] ready, just in case.

May you see a good play, hear a great opera, and see no flashing police lights behind you.

May strangers greet you with smiles, and little children with sticky kisses.

May you have enough wealth to be able to give to tzedakah [charity], and enough left over to provide you with necessities:

May you have bread to eat and cake as well,

May you have a roof over your head and clothing to wear,
And may you help provide them for the hungry, the homeless and the ragged.

May your stocks come back,
And may your bank stay open,
And may your interest rate fall,
And may the IRS leave you a full 30% of what you earn to call your own.

May you banish all thoughts and conversations about the coming elections
For these next ten days,
So that you avoid fights with members of your family and your friends,
And may you remember that, no matter who is elected,
According to Hebrew National,
They all have to answer to a Higher Authority.

May you forgive the candidates for what they say about each other,
And may you remember that no one is as perfect as he claims to be,
And no one is as terrible as his opponent claims he is,
And forget the promises that they all make -- because they will, as soon as they are elected.

May you be able to decipher your electric bill, your telephone bills, your credit card bill, and your income tax forms,
And the tiny, tiny print at the bottom of all these documents,
Which says in essence that they don't mean what is written above in big print.

May you live long enough to be able to drive automobiles which do not run on fossil fuels.
And may this happen before you become an old fossil yourself.
May those of us who drive SUVs be blessed with enough wealth
To be able to fill them with gasoline enough,
To get to the corner store and back,
And may we not have to choose between having enough money with which to buy gas with which to get to the grocery store,
And having enough money with which to buy groceries when we get there.
And may our children, for the sake of whom we bought these vehicles in the first place
Never yell or fight but sit quietly buckled up, with their hands folded,
And never once ask us: Are we there yet?

May you learn how to control your television set,
And may you learn to cope with all the new buttons on the controls,
And may there be something worth watching when you finally figure out how to start your TV.

May neither you, nor your computer, ever be infected by a virus.

May peace reign over Israel,
And may its children not have to sleep in bomb shelters any longer,
And may all of its leaders, like Natan Sharansky, be people who have gone to prison BEFORE they ascended to high office, and not afterwards.

May the world become safe to live in for all of G-D's children,
And may some parents learn that it is not necessary to strap explosives onto the bodies of their children in order to attain paradise,
But that instead paradise can be found here on earth, if people will only learn to live together in peace.

May you stop rushing long enough to realize
How blessed we are
To be able to enjoy this amazing planet on which we live,
And may we try hard not to spoil it.

And whether you pray in the words of the machzor [a Hebrew prayer book],
Or in your own words,
May you feel the presence of G-D around you,
And may you love your G-D, with all your heart, and all your soul, and all your might,
And may you know that G-D loves you too,
And may G-D give you a shana tova u'metukah,
A good and a sweet new year.

Amen.

--Rabbi Jacob Pressman

Yeah, That's a No

Spotted all day yesterday and started a full flow today. I'm thinkin' this cycle is a Negator Skeletor.

Trying not to think about it and stay busy with work and holiday preparations. Tonight's cooking plan: baking up the My Mahtha Honey-Walnut Coin Cookies (I made the dough yesterday), and baking another of Sugarlaws' Apple-Banana Cakes.

I've been able to stay on the lower-carb diet throughout the past 4 weeks and will be continuing that, (with some allowances made for holiday food) hoping to keep my weight down for the next cycle and avoiding the possibility of gestational diabetes (fingers broken from crossing them for the gestational part).

I'm definitely looking forward to being able to exercise again. I've had to refrain since I started spotting, and, miracle of miracles, I actually miss it!

Resting & Cooking

Who knows what my body is doing? I sure don't. The pink streaks stopped after two hours yesterday.

I kept taking my Prom.etri.um, thinking it can't hurt to keep taking it.

My nurse confirmed my thoughts that this really could be anything: random spotting, my period, who knows. She said that I should keep taking the Prom.e.tri.um and I should not exercise or do anything strenuous and that hopefully, we'll get a great beta result. The beta will remain on Friday morning as previously scheduled.

Will be on my feet a lot all this week at night since I'm doing lots and lots of cooking for Rosh Hashanah. I'm going to try to modify my actions so that I'm taking good breaks and putting my feet up as much as I can.

Yesterday, I made two Carrot-Zucchini Kugels (pudding/casserole). I had hoped to get in a Potato Kugel in there, but I started cooking too late in the evening to throw that in as well. I'll cook that tonight and I also plan to make an Apple-Banana Cake recipe that I found at Sugarlaws.

Tomorrow, I plan to make Honey-Walnut Cookies from a Mahtha (aka Martha Stewart) recipe that went over well last year. Thursday night, I'm planning to make two different versions of challah, one from Baking & Books, the other from The Meatless Chulent.

Wish me luck!

TP Tango

TMI Post - so look away if you wish...

So, we're 11 dpDIUI (that's 11 days past the donor IUI, well, 10 or 11, depending on where you start counting). I've been feeling increasingly dizzy, and increasingly nauseated. I also have intermittent bouts of breast tenderness.

I've been trying not to compare this 2 week wait to my last one since:
1) This time, I'm on prometrium (progesterone suppositories) and that may change things;
2) I can't remember when I started feeling early pregnancy symptoms and in what intensity last time;
3) Every pregnancy is different; and
4) Last time, we really didn't get a great outcome, so why measure using that yardstick?
Of course, it's impossible not to compare symptoms.

When I just went to the bathroom, I got some yellow/pink streaks and a very small red clot. Not sure if that means something or anything. I haven't called my nurse because what's she gonna do? It's wait-and-see mode here.

Any suggestions? Should I be calling my nurse?

Beta (pregnancy blood test) is scheduled for Friday morning, 8:30 AM.
________________________
Edited:
An hour later, a trip to the bathroom revealed red streaks. On a regular cycle, I'd be getting my period today (my ovulation was much later than expected), so I'm pretty sure that this is the end for this cycle.

No use in calling my nurse today, as she doesn't return calls after 3:30 and, clearly, this ain't an emergency.

Updating 101/1001 Project

I am now less than 1 year away from the deadline of my 101 Things in 1001 Days Project (see the list on my left sidebar). Given the time restraints, I'm reevaluating some of the Things that are not possible and replacing them with Things that are possible.

Here's what I'm changing:

15. Take an obedience class with The Boy, JD and me
I find that this not really necessary anymore, I'll be replacing this with Organize front hall closet.

43. Reach 200 lbs
Such a loss would not be healthy in the remaining time frame, I'll be replacing this with See dermatologist for skin cancer check.

44. Reach 180 lbs
Such a loss would not be healthy in the remaining time frame, I'll be replacing this with See a personal trainer to start a weight training regimen.

45. Reach 160 lbs
Such a loss would not be healthy in the remaining time frame, I'll be replacing this with Start buying grass-fed meat and pastured poultry.

79. Go horseback riding
Not possible at current weight (at local places), I'll be replacing this with Go apple picking.

86. Take a dance class with JD
Not possible given JD's health issues, I'll be replacing this with Preserve a food by canning.

91. Make a quilt
No proper equipment, I'll be replacing this with Complete a Needlework Project.

93. See all of my company's properties (seen 20/56)
Not possible to finish due to economic constraints, I'll be replacing this with Make homemade yogurt.

Tasks (Updated!)

G-D put me on this earth to complete a certain number of things.

Right now, I am so far behind that I will never die.

I'm pretty sure that the above will be my motto for the next few weeks. What follows is lists, lists and more lists. (Of course, all of the below is so that I don't drive myself crazy in the 2WW. We went in for dIUI 2.1 and 2.2 on Thursday and Friday last. I don't want to get my hopes up. I don't want to plan anything. I don't even want to think about it. Except I do.)

The List of Lists
1) JD's Birthday List
2) Holiday List
3) Chez Jendeis List
4) Clean the House List (an offshoot of the Chez Jendeis List)

JD's Birthday List
-Get JD a birthday present!! (His birthday is on Saturday).
-Figure out plans for JD's birthday
-Call hot air balloon company and make an appointment (if not Saturday, push to October).

Holiday List (Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur)
-Use up freezer food to make room for holiday food
-Buy groceries for holidays
-Start cooking for holidays

Chez Jendeis List
-Find tax stuff and send to accountant NOW
-Clean the house!!
-Make grooming appointment for The Boy
-Make yearly physical appointment for The Boy
-Pay bills
-Go to bank to deal with expiring CDs
-Move monthly mortgage savings to car payment
-Buy china cabinet
-Buy forks
-Buy new pillows
-Update 101/1001 list by eliminating tasks that will not/can not be completed and replacing them with tasks that can be completed

Clean the House List
-Put dishes in dishwasher
-Clear off my bathroom counter
-Clean bathrooms
-Have JD clear off his bathroom counter
-Laundry
-Pick up dry cleaning
-Have JD empty his suitcase
-Find new cleaning service
-Clean off coffee table and bring to Mom & Dad's
-Put rubber discs on sofa legs
-Organize front closet
-Put plastic drawers in front closet

John Dear Talks

"Sex, drugs, rock and roll...you've given it all up for chicken."
--JD on my recent unexplicable craving for chicken every day

"Isn't this whole thing a science? Why do we use the only fertility clinic staffed by liberal arts majors?"
--JD in response to my answer that I could not predict the exact date of ovulation because it's not an exact science


There's a third one we wanted to post, but we can't remember.

Ka-Ching!

Onto some good news, shall we? For once, the economic downturn/depression/housing bubble burst has come up with a silver lining. For the fourth year in a row, our property value, and therefore, our estimated property taxes, have fallen. This means that our mortgage company will be escrowing less money, lowering our monthly payment. Plus, we got a check for the extra leftover in the escrow account. Ka-ching!

So, there's two unanticipated sources of cash -- the savings on our monthly payment and the escrow check. Last year, trying to follow Dave Ramsey's advice and working towards debt-free-but-the-house, I took the monthly savings and put it towards an increased car payment each month. I will probably do that again this year.

As for the escrow check, I believe that it will go towards the purchase of the (angels singing) China Cabinet.