Cycle Day 1

Caution: Repressed anger being released ahead.

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Cycle Day 1. Again. Not there was much hope for it, but come on, "throw me a frickin' bone!"

Cramps, backaches, and the need to eat my way out of the office. Plus, it seems to me that every IF blog that I've started reading gets a BFP within 3 weeks. Am I good luck to other people, but bad luck to myself?

SIL has been sending me "helpful" emails about using herbs to non-medically induce ovulation. Umm, thanks SIL. Not our problem here. I appreciate that she's trying to help, but I just want to jump up and down, screaming.

She doesn't know our specific problem because John Dear asked me not to discuss IF with anyone IRL (except doctors and therapists). So, I'm being a good, little* wifey and respecting the wishes of my DH. I sent her an email (after consulting with JD about it) that said thank you for the help, but we're not discussing it at this time.

Course, it's not like it's her business anyways, but what is it about me that makes her think that this is a problem with me? Is she completely unaware of all the freakin' medical issues that she and her brother have due to their genetics? Why doesn't she realize that this is not my fault?

I know, I know, it's not JD's fault either. It's not like he wished for this to happen to him.

And of course, JD totally doesn't get how upset I am, or why I'm upset at all about this, or about IF in general. He's just totally nonchalant, noncommittal and just non about the whole thing. I mean, JD is a pretty laid-back guy anyways to the point of slothfulness, but at least do something, anything on this. Why is it always me who has to do everything? And he's like, well, what can I do to alleviate your stress? I suggested about a million things and he can't do any of it because he still can't walk from the surgery and is too lazy to do anything in the wheelchair. So, um, forget alleviating the stress, how 'bout alleviating my f--king sadness and be interested in this and read articles or books and investigate clinics and make appointments? Or just learn how to fertilize, damnit!!

I'm not a drinking woman, generally, but I'm bellying up to the bar tonight. And we are eating out tonight. No cooking. And I'm going to eat chocolate. F--kers. (Not sure who that refers to, but I heard it in my head, so I'm typing it).

*The "little" is entirely figurative as I am feeling like one of those ballerina hippos in Fantasia at the moment.

Happy Thanksgiving

This year I am thankful for so many things. Here's a sampling:

1. We're celebrating Thanksgiving with my family this year. (John Dear and I alternate years). Hooray! No ulcer/heartburn-inducing tantrums from the members of JD's family!
2. I've met so many wonderful people online this year, including you!
3. Stuffing, mashed potatoes, and creamed spinach
4. All of my loved ones (friends and family)
5. Discovery Home and HGTV

Hope that everyone out there has a wonderful Thanksgiving this year!

Spotlight on Jendeis

Jendeis is one of the many women of her generation who blog. Amy at Crunchy Domestic Goddess recently sat down with Jendeis to talk with her about life, love and this recent blogging phenomenon.

A: For all of the newbies to your blog, Sell Crazy Someplace Else, could you please share with us a bit about Jendeis?

J: (demure smile) Of course. I'm a lawyer and art historian by training, and a crazy person by birth. I work at my job. I'm married to my DH, John Dear. We have a dog, The Boy.

A: Interesting. What little known fact about you might surprise some of your readers?

J: Well, um (hesitant). At this point, I'm not sure that my readers would be surprised by anything that I come up with, but, OH! How 'bout this? I once won a team scavenger hunt in college by carting around a toilet in my car.

A: Um -- yeah. Anyways. Chocolate or vanilla?

J: Oh, definitely vanilla.

A: I see from your blog that you are a fan of FlyLady. What are your favorite pieces of advice from her site?

J: Let's see... What's been very useful to me has been FlyLady's urging to use a timer during cleaning and organizing. When the timer goes off, I'm done! I also repeat one of her mantras, "just 15 minutes!" all the time to encourage myself and John Dear to accomplish necessary tasks. Finally, I've really been working on laying out my clothes and work bag at night so I'm all ready to go in the mornings.

A: Yes, I see how that would be helpful. Let's say you are going to be stranded with your family on a deserted island for 90 days. What 3 things would you take with you and why?

J: Hmm, that's an interesting question. The addition of my family (I'm considering that to be just me, JD and The Boy) changes my answer. I would bring food for 90 days, a solar-powered laptop with Internet for JD and one of Diana Gabaldon's Outlander books for me.

A: Oh, the laptop is a great idea! Thanks Jendeis for your participation in this interview process.

J: Thank you.

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Now, it's your turn. If you would like to be interviewed, please leave me a comment that includes the words, "interview me." I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions. If you don't have a valid email address available on your blog, please provide one.

You will update your blog with a post containing your answers to the questions. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Water, Water Everywhere

...and plenty that we should drink!

Just wanted to post today about the importance of drinking water every day, especially during this Get Healthy Challenge. Most people should aim for six to eight 8-oz. cups of water every day.

I've often thought that many people who overeat (including myself as the chieftain), are unable to tell the difference between hunger and thirst. Many times when you think that you are hungry, it is really just your body screaming for liquids! So, next time that you think you need an extra snack, try a cup of water instead. It may just be the answer for you!

This post is brought to you by the glass of water that I'm drinking right now! I was so thirsty, I can actually feel the water being absorbed!

**T-shirt by Ian Stevenson; found through Google**

Get Healthy - Update

Well, I'm doing OK with #3 - Exercise. I've been walking at least 30 minutes every day. Haven't done Yourself Fitness yet though.

I'm not so hot on my commitment to write down everything I eat. Started out great on that, then stopped.

The Weight Watchers meeting that I plan to go to is tomorrow at lunch, so I'm making myself go to that. I am not doing well on the Flex plan (counting points), so I'm thinking I should switch over to the Core plan.

I just don't know if I can stay with anything and that sucks. I'm sick of making false commitments. I get really motivated and then don't follow through. I guess I just need to wake up every morning and renew the commitment and just follow it every day, one day at a time. I've been so overwhelmed with caring for John Dear and The Boy; I need to start caring for myself first.

Still Standing

Still here, just don't have a lot to say. John Dear was able to see his therapist last night for the first time since surgery. Thank goodness. I'm going to see mine in a half hour, which should help kick me out of the funk I'm in.

The funk may be due to lack of sleep caused (again) by John Dear waking me up with his snoring and peeing (in a urinal, b/c he can't get out of bed in the middle of the night) and flipping around like one of the Wallendas on speed. If he's in so much pain with the aftereffects of the surgery during the day, how can he move around like a human pretzel when asleep?

In other news, trouble causes problems....

Any possible analysis of my BBTs is now completely beyond me. The first month or two I had textbook charts. Last month, it was all over the place. This month, I show a huge drop and rise, but it's a week before I was supposed to ovulate. We managed to BD during this time, just in case. Any answers?

30-Day Get Healthy Challenge

As you will see from the cool new button on the right, I am participating in Dmarie's new challenge to get healthy. For the next 30 days, I'm committing to 3 tasks.

1. Attending a Weight Watchers meeting once a week.
2. Writing down everything I eat.
3. Exercise: 30 minute walk every day; exercise with Yourself Fitness 3 x a week.

The challenge starts today and I'm motivated! The great thing about this challenge is that at the end of it is my company's holiday party and then John Dear's company's holiday party. I'm hoping that the good habits of the month will have sunk in enough so that I don't blow everything at the parties and during the holidays.

It's not too late for you to join too! For more information, please click on the button above or on my sidebar.

I Am The Greatest Aunt Ever

Guess what I got JD's nephew for his birthday?

Did ya guess a date-rape-drug lollipop? That's right, folks!

Luckily, JD's surgery has prevented us from seeing said nephew and we haven't been able to give him his birthday gift yet.

**Anyone who has Aqua Dots should remove them from children and go to the Spin Master website for exchange info.**

Round, Round, Get Around

I've been meaning to post about how John Dear is getting around for awhile, but didn't get "A Round Tuit" until now.

JD's surgery requires that he cannot put any weight on his right foot for six weeks. Count 'em up, six. Tha's a lotta weeks! So, JD gets around mostly by wheelchair (lovingly donated by a family friend) and by crutches. Actually, he moves around mostly by dint of sheer will. It takes a heckuva lotta strength to move yourself around in a wheelchair or crutch to the bathroom while preventing your right foot from taking any weight or hitting any obstacle.

MIL and I have been sharing carpool duties getting JD to and from work (G-D bless MIL for doing this). In case you couldn't guess, JD can't drive because it's his gas pedal/brake foot that's involved here. So, one of us drives him in and the other picks him up. This is done by him leaping/hopping/rising on one foot and twirling around and falling from chair into the backseat of the car, handing over pillows and backpack to him, then wheeling chair to trunk, folding it up and (wo-)man-handling it into the car.

It's been doable, but it can be rough with all the things JD cannot do. Like, get himself a glass of water, or use the sink for brushing teeth, washing hands (we use alcohol-lotion), shaving and anything else you would do whilst standing. We are managing, though.

Can't wait for him to get out of that chair and back to walking. I'm sure that he's ready to do that too. Once the doctor pronounces him OK (2.5 weeks to go!), JD will start physical therapy. I am prepared for all sorts of unexpected fun with that. :)

For My Mishpochah

An Open Letter to Those Who Are Unaware:

Dear Gentle Reader,

This letter is to inform you that

NOT EVERYONE IN THE WHOLE FREAKIN' WORLD IS CHRISTIAN!!!

NOT EVERYONE CELEBRATES CHRISTMAS!!!

SO STOP SHOVING IT DOWN OUR THROATS ALL G.D. YEAR LONG AND FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO DO!

IT'S NOT EVEN THANKSGIVING YET, FOR PETE'S SAKE!!!

Thank you,
a Soldier in the War on Christmas

Excuse me while I bang my head against the wall

The weather outside is gloomy, so I'm probably just sponging that up, but I feel down. Just blah. My cheeks and lower eyelids feel like they are sinking, and I keep putting my hand on my face to check that they are still there. Man, I am insane.

I am so tired.

I am not getting anything done at work. Wondering if I'll be more productive at home. (Well, it's a thought).

Can't go home yet, because I have to assemble material together for a guy at work who's traveling, like I'm a G.D. secretary. Not like I'm doing anything useful anyways.

Excuse the malaise, I just need a cuppa tea.

"Living is good and dying, not as good"

My pants are a little tight, but I'm having a good hair day (thank you Frederick Fekkai straightening balm and my ridiculously expensive ionic hairdryer).

My shoe fell off in the bathroom at work (ew!) while yanking up said pants, but I was wearing socks, so will not get cooties.

John Dear and I had a fight this morning, in which I employed the oh, so articulate and well-reasoned comeback "F**k you!!!" But we made up via email and we're doing good now.

I ate some candy from the jar at our lunch place, but also ate a fruit cup at lunch.

Menu Plan Monday - Late Edition

I apologize for getting this up so late, but it's taken me this long to think up a menu plan. We are still using a few dinners from my last Dream Dinners appointment. I'm also trying to use up stuff in the pantry and freezer.

Monday: Parmesan-Crusted Tilapia with Sweet & Sour Sauce (Dream Dinners)

Tuesday: Raid-the-Fridge Nite

Wednesday: Moroccan Chicken and Pumpkin (Dream Dinners)

Thursday: Whole-Wheat Pasta w/ Meatballs

Friday: Salmon w/ brown rice and Asian stir-fry veggies

For menu plan ideas every Monday, visit the New and Improved Org Junkie site!

Hi, we're in Delaware

This weekend, JD and I went to the wedding of a law school friend of mine. It turned out to be a great reunion of my law school chums and we had such a good time dancing and catching up! Even JD joined in the dancing with his wheelchair!

Some highlights:

• When the rabbi announced, "by the power vested in me by the State of Delaware," all of us giggled and whispered, "Dela-where?"
• All the law school gals got our groove on to "Hot in Herre" by Nelly - a song that we've danced to at each of our weddings together.
• JD and I did swing dancing in a corner of the room so there would be room for his wheelchair to spin around and the photographer took a bunch of pics of us!
• The groom's sister put together a really sweet PowerPoint presentation of the bride and groom growing up and their years of dating.
• Seeing the bride and groom so happy and kissing endlessly.

We definitely needed this fun. The trip was 99% good, only marred by a small spat between us on Sunday morning, but was easily made up. I don't like to do this, but I think JD needs reminding every so often that his current disability is hard on me as well as on himself. His acknowledgement of the situation helps me to stay cool and hold my temper.

We got home around 3 PM yesterday and I slept for 3 hours. It was wonderful!! I had set out a dinner to defrost and marinate in the fridge while we were away, so we had a nice home-cooked meal Sunday night. Yay - no spending of money! The meal was Chicken with Honey, Garlic and Orange Sauce and I made a side of green beans and mac'n'cheese. Overall, a really nice weekend.

How was yours?

We Closed - Go Eat Vegetables! - ***UPDATED***

Thanks to everyone who participated in my giveaway!! Comments are now closed. I will post an update with the winner, once the random generator selects one. Good luck!!

For more chances at the Fall Y'all carnival and giveaways every day, go to Bloggy Giveaways!

**UPDATED** -- Many congratulations to On Fire for Jesus!! She is the winner of a $25 gift certificate to iTunes! I will be emailing this lucky woman to collect her prize. Thanks again for participating, and good luck in the other giveaways.

The Pits of Despair

I'm writing because I have to put these feelings somewhere. If I don't, I'm afraid that I'll just drown in this poison of rage and depression that I'm feeling right now. My friend told me this morning that I'm a ticking time-bomb and that if I don't do something about this, that I'm going to explode.

I'm so enraged that it has just burned over into a depression. I want to scream, but if I start, I'm worried that I won't be able to stop. I want to run and cry and hit things and throw things. I just want to lay down and hide.

I am alone.

My husband is a child who never grew up; never learned the skills that are necessary as an adult. Like the fact that one must go to work and not just skip out early or refuse to go because you are tired or don't feel like it. This has been a problem with all of the jobs that JD has had since the time that I met him. He blames everything on everyone else -- they were mean to me, or they don't like me or understand me. TFB!!! Man up and go to your job!

How can we have children when there is only one adult in this marriage? I'm lost and I don't know what to do. I love JD. I know that. But I have nothing left. He is so self-centered -- everything is about him. I know now that it will never "be my time." I thought that we'd just get him over this hump and we'd get a break, but no. I'm expected to completely sublimate myself. I just want to run away. We are supposed to travel to a wedding this weekend. Will JD even go now? I do want him to be there with me.

I'm going to see my therapist tomorrow evening for our regular appointment. Hopefully, she and I can come up with some options.