Friday, November 30, 2007

Cycle Day 1

Caution: Repressed anger being released ahead.

Cycle Day 1. Again. Not there was much hope for it, but come on, "throw me a frickin' bone!"

Cramps, backaches, and the need to eat my way out of the office. Plus, it seems to me that every IF blog that I've started reading gets a BFP within 3 weeks. Am I good luck to other people, but bad luck to myself?

SIL has been sending me "helpful" emails about using herbs to non-medically induce ovulation. Umm, thanks SIL. Not our problem here. I appreciate that she's trying to help, but I just want to jump up and down, screaming.

She doesn't know our specific problem because John Dear asked me not to discuss IF with anyone IRL (except doctors and therapists). So, I'm being a good, little* wifey and respecting the wishes of my DH. I sent her an email (after consulting with JD about it) that said thank you for the help, but we're not discussing it at this time.

Course, it's not like it's her business anyways, but what is it about me that makes her think that this is a problem with me? Is she completely unaware of all the freakin' medical issues that she and her brother have due to their genetics? Why doesn't she realize that this is not my fault?

I know, I know, it's not JD's fault either. It's not like he wished for this to happen to him.

And of course, JD totally doesn't get how upset I am, or why I'm upset at all about this, or about IF in general. He's just totally nonchalant, noncommittal and just non about the whole thing. I mean, JD is a pretty laid-back guy anyways to the point of slothfulness, but at least do something, anything on this. Why is it always me who has to do everything? And he's like, well, what can I do to alleviate your stress? I suggested about a million things and he can't do any of it because he still can't walk from the surgery and is too lazy to do anything in the wheelchair. So, um, forget alleviating the stress, how 'bout alleviating my f--king sadness and be interested in this and read articles or books and investigate clinics and make appointments? Or just learn how to fertilize, damnit!!

I'm not a drinking woman, generally, but I'm bellying up to the bar tonight. And we are eating out tonight. No cooking. And I'm going to eat chocolate. F--kers. (Not sure who that refers to, but I heard it in my head, so I'm typing it).

*The "little" is entirely figurative as I am feeling like one of those ballerina hippos in Fantasia at the moment.


Jen said...

I hit Cycle Day 1 yesterday. Misery loves company. And not only was I not pregnant this time (there was almost no hope of it anyway) but I had a 24 day cycle. What is up with that?

Geohde said...

Sorry about CD1. If it helps any, I'm around CD 30 on an alleged ovulation induction cycle. :)

No ovulation, but I'm naturally obstructive it would seem.

And very very unlikely to get a bfp in 'about three weeks',



Jen said...

Did you marry my husband's clone??

CD 1 and infertility sucks, but at least you've got a sense of humor!

Laura said...

It all sucks...
I'm getting your candy together so that you can have company. We've actually had to put things on I really know how bad it is. Bah.


Anonymous said...

Since I know nothing about IF the only thing I'm going to say is that I hope things turn out exactly as you wish, and soon! I'm glad you stopped by my blog earlier this week. :)


Ari (Baking and Books)

hoping for a child said...

and my dear husband thinks that everyone in our families should know our business...just what i need...his freaking fertile as all hell sister and sister-in-law feeling sorry for me. maybe if the problem was with his body he'd feel differently. anyway, thanks for the additional recommendation.

Geohde said...

Can I add that it never ceases to amaze me how people just assume that IF is a woman's problem?

Male factor is just as common, for chrissakes, altough it often comes as more of a surprise since until you get the wigglers under the microscope, there's no tellin'.

SUre as hell shocked my husband when he found out his soldiers weren't super-charged.